My husband got into day trading options about 4-5 years ago. Last year, I found out that for three years, he had hidden the fact that he took out personal loans to trade and lost it all. On top of that, he was missing mortgage payments, which I had no idea about. We never really set up our finances together because he always avoided it, and I trusted him. We own a home, two cars, and pets. He filed for bankruptcy for less than $100k and assured me he would stop. The bankruptcy passed, and I thought everything was fine. But exactly one year later, he confessed that he never stopped trading. I gained access to his account and saw that he had spent almost all of his paychecks every month on trading and had saved nothing. He’s also behind on the mortgage again. When I asked why he kept doing this, he asked for a divorce. I fear there’s a bigger financial issue he’s not being honest about. He denies that his trading is gambling and says that my behavior is causing him too much stress to focus on getting his finances together. He doesn’t budget or track any of his trades or expenses. He agreed that I could buy the house from him, and all he wants is the dog and his car. But now, my concern is how to handle the paperwork. Should I hire a lawyer or financial advisor to help, or can we do this ourselves? I feel like I’m being unfairly burdened with the fallout of his financial mistakes. Does the money he’s lost count as our joint finances? It feels insulting that I’ve been extremely careful with my money while he’s been gambling, and now I have to pay him for the house to have a place to live. We’ve always shared expenses equally, and we both make around $60k each, so I’m trying to avoid unnecessary costs, but I just want out. I’m unsure what to do or how to get proper

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Ariah Lara

My husband got into day trading options about 4-5 years ago. Last year, I found out that for three years, he had hidden the fact that he took out personal loans to trade and lost it all. On top of that, he was missing mortgage payments, which I had no idea about. We never really set up our finances together because he always avoided it, and I trusted him. We own a home, two cars, and pets. He filed for bankruptcy for less than $100k and assured me he would stop. The bankruptcy passed, and I thought everything was fine. But exactly one year later, he confessed that he never stopped trading. I gained access to his account and saw that he had spent almost all of his paychecks every month on trading and had saved nothing. He’s also behind on the mortgage again. When I asked why he kept doing this, he asked for a divorce. I fear there’s a bigger financial issue he’s not being honest about. He denies that his trading is gambling and says that my behavior is causing him too much stress to focus on getting his finances together. He doesn’t budget or track any of his trades or expenses. He agreed that I could buy the house from him, and all he wants is the dog and his car. But now, my concern is how to handle the paperwork. Should I hire a lawyer or financial advisor to help, or can we do this ourselves? I feel like I’m being unfairly burdened with the fallout of his financial mistakes. Does the money he’s lost count as our joint finances? It feels insulting that I’ve been extremely careful with my money while he’s been gambling, and now I have to pay him for the house to have a place to live. We’ve always shared expenses equally, and we both make around $60k each, so I’m trying to avoid unnecessary costs, but I just want out. I’m unsure what to do or how to get proper

a month ago

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It sounds like you are navigating a very challenging situation with your husband’s financial decisions and the impact they are having on your life and future. Here are some steps and considerations to help you address the issues you're facing:

1. Understand Your Financial Situation

First, it's crucial to get a clear picture of your financial situation. This includes:

Assets: List down all your joint assets, including your home, cars, and any savings or investments.
Liabilities: Document any debts, including the mortgage, personal loans, and any other obligations.

Understanding this will help you see what you are working with and what you might be responsible for after the divorce.

2. Seek Professional Advice

Given the complexity of your situation, it would be wise to consult with both a family law attorney and a financial advisor. Here’s why:

Family Law Attorney: They can guide you through the divorce process, help you understand your rights, and ensure that you are protected legally. They can also assist with the division of assets and debts, including the house.
Financial Advisor: They can help you assess your financial situation, plan for your future, and understand the implications of your husband’s trading activities and bankruptcy on your finances.

3. Discuss the House Purchase

If your husband has agreed to sell the house to you, make sure to get a fair market valuation of the property. You should:

Get an appraisal to understand its current value.
Discuss how much he expects for the house and consider negotiating if necessary.
Determine how you will finance the purchase (e.g., mortgage, savings).

4. Address Joint Finances

Regarding the money lost in trading, since you were married, it may be considered marital property depending on your state laws. Here are some points to consider:

If the losses occurred during the marriage, they could potentially be viewed as joint debts, which may need to be addressed during the divorce proceedings.
Keep records of all financial transactions, communications, and agreements related to your finances to support your case.

5. Protect Yourself

It’s understandable to feel burdened by the fallout of your husband’s financial mistakes. Here are some steps to protect yourself:

Separate Finances: As you move forward, consider separating your finances. Open individual bank accounts and limit joint expenses.
Credit Monitoring: Monitor your credit report to ensure there are no negative impacts from your husband’s financial decisions.

6. Emotional and Mental Health Support

This situation can be incredibly stressful, and it’s important to take care of your mental health. Consider seeking support from:

Therapists or Counselors: They can help you process your feelings and provide coping strategies.
Support Groups: Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can provide comfort and insights.

7. Moving Forward

Ultimately, this is a time for you to focus on your own stability and well-being. Ensure that you make informed decisions and take the time you need to plan your next steps. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs and seek assistance to navigate this difficult chapter in your life.

In summary, while you may feel unfairly burdened, taking proactive steps to understand your financial landscape, seeking professional help, and protecting your interests will empower you to move forward. You deserve a fresh start, and with the right support, you can achieve it.

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