It's completely understandable to feel apprehensive about trust, especially when you identify with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. This style often leads to anxiety about being vulnerable and the fear of potential disappointment or betrayal. Here are some strategies that may help you build trust in your relationship with your boyfriend:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Start by recognizing that your feelings are valid. Fearful-avoidant individuals often grapple with conflicting emotions—wanting closeness but fearing vulnerability. Journaling your thoughts can help you process these feelings. Write down specific instances that trigger your fears and analyze them logically. This can provide clarity and help you differentiate between rational thoughts and insecurities.

2. Communicate Openly

While you may worry about burdening him with your fears, sharing your feelings can foster intimacy and understanding. Consider saying something like:

"I really enjoy our relationship and care about you deeply. Sometimes I find myself feeling anxious and uncertain, and I want to be open about that. It’s not about you; it’s just something I’m working on."

This approach emphasizes your feelings without placing blame, allowing him to understand your perspective without feeling guilty.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you catch yourself making assumptions (like interpreting his gaze as wandering eyes), pause and ask yourself:

• What evidence do I have that supports this thought?
• Am I jumping to conclusions based on my fears?
• What could be an alternative explanation for his behavior?

For example, he could have been curious about the lab or simply distracted. By reframing these thoughts, you can reduce anxiety.

4. Establish Trust-Building Rituals

In a long-distance relationship, maintaining connection is crucial. Set up regular video calls or virtual date nights where you share experiences or discuss your day. This consistent communication can help reinforce your bond and create a sense of security.

5. Focus on the Positive

Make an effort to recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship. Keep a "gratitude journal" where you note things you love about him and moments that made you happy together. This can shift your focus from fear to appreciation.

6. Take Small Steps Towards Vulnerability

Gradually allow yourself to be more vulnerable with him. Share your thoughts and feelings, even if they are uncomfortable. This can help you build trust incrementally. For example, you might start by discussing a minor fear or insecurity and gauge his response.

7. Seek Professional Guidance

If your fears continue to overwhelm you, consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in attachment styles. They can provide personalized strategies to help you navigate your feelings and improve your relationship dynamics.

8. Encourage Him to Share His Feelings

Encouraging your boyfriend to express his own feelings can create a safe space for both of you. You might ask him how he feels about your relationship and what he needs from you. This dialogue can reinforce trust and emotional closeness.

9. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings. Understand that building trust is a process, and it's okay to take your time. Remind yourself that it’s normal to have fears, and it’s a part of growing in a relationship.

Conclusion

Building trust in a relationship, especially with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, takes time and patience. By acknowledging your feelings, communicating openly, and taking small steps towards vulnerability, you can gradually cultivate a deeper sense of trust with your boyfriend. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and many people face similar challenges. With effort from both sides, you can foster a secure and loving relationship.