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I (26F) am feeling uneasy about a guy friend of mine, who is also an ex-Bumble match (27M). We went on two dates last year, but I didn’t feel a strong connection and decided to let him know that I wasn’t interested in anything romantic. I suggested we could stay friends, and he agreed at the time. However, since then, he has been crossing some boundaries that I set. He frequently asks about my plans and where I am, claiming he wants to hang out “as friends.” When I mentioned I couldn’t meet up because I was on a date with someone else, he jokingly suggested we should go on a date too. I firmly told him that I wasn’t interested in that, and he responded with “just kidding lol,” which didn’t sit well with me. What bothers me the most is that he continues to comment on my Instagram selfies and pictures, complimenting me with remarks like “pretty” and sending heart reactions, even though he knows I have a boyfriend now. While he hasn’t been as persistent as before, I can’t help but feel that his behavior is crossing a line. I’m torn about whether to confront him about this. I don’t want to assume he’s still hitting on me, but his actions are making me uncomfortable. Part of me wonders if he’s just being friendly, but I find it hard to believe given the context. I’m also hesitant to call him out, as I don’t want to come off as presumptuous. Ultimately, I’m considering whether it might be best to cut ties altogether, as I’m not keen on maintaining a friendship that feels one-sided and flirty. I would appreciate any opinions on whether he’s still trying to pursue me and advice on how to handle the situation.

a month ago
35

It sounds like you're in a tricky situation with your guy friend and ex-Bumble match. Your feelings of discomfort are completely valid, and it’s important to address them. Let’s break down the situation and explore your options.

Understanding His Behavior

From what you've described, it seems that your friend might not be respecting the boundaries you set after your initial dates. Here are a few key points to consider:

  • Repeated Invitations: His continuous invitations to hang out “as friends” can indicate that he may not fully accept your rejection of a romantic relationship. This behavior can feel uncomfortable, especially since you’ve made your feelings clear.
  • Flirtatious Comments: His comment about going on a date, even if framed as a joke, suggests he might still have romantic feelings. The fact that he followed up with “just kidding lol” could be a way to mask his true intentions, which is a common tactic used to deflect seriousness.
  • Compliments on Social Media: His comments on your selfies and pictures could be interpreted as flirtatious, especially since you’re in a relationship. Complimenting someone’s appearance while knowing they are committed to someone else can be seen as crossing a line.

Is He Hitting on You?

While it’s possible that he sees his behavior as friendly, the patterns you describe suggest otherwise. His actions—especially the compliments and the joking about dates—indicate he may still be interested in you romantically. This can be confusing and frustrating, especially since you’ve made your boundaries clear.

What Should You Do?

Here are some steps you might consider taking:

  • Communicate Clearly: If you feel comfortable, it may be worth having a direct conversation with him. You can say something like, "I appreciate our friendship, but I feel uncomfortable with the compliments and the comments about dates. I want to make sure we’re on the same page." This allows you to express your feelings without making assumptions about his intentions.
  • Set Firm Boundaries: If his behavior doesn’t change after your conversation, it may be necessary to set firmer boundaries. You can let him know that you need some space and that you’ll be taking a step back from the friendship.
  • Evaluate the Friendship: Consider how much you value this friendship. If his behavior continues to make you uncomfortable, it might be best for your peace of mind to cut ties. It’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being.

Trust Your Instincts

Ultimately, you know your situation best. Trust your instincts about what feels right for you. If his actions are causing you distress, it’s perfectly valid to step away from the friendship or to address it head-on. Your relationship with your boyfriend should be your priority, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who respect that.

In conclusion, while it’s possible that he is being friendly, the signs suggest he may still have romantic intentions. Open communication and setting clear boundaries will help you navigate this situation effectively.

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