I'm a 19-year-old freshman in college, and there's a girl, a 17-year-old junior in high school, with whom I've been friends for about six years. We went to high school together, and recently we've reconnected. I've enjoyed hanging out with her and texting her, and over time, I've started developing feelings for her. This situation is making me feel really conflicted. Even though we've known each other for a long time and have a strong friendship, there's still a two-year age difference, and she's in a different grade. I really don’t want to come across as "that guy," and I’m worried about how her parents might react if we were to date, especially since she's still in high school. I’m also unsure of how my own parents would feel about the situation. My main question is: does having feelings for her or wanting to pursue a relationship make me seem like a creep? I’d also appreciate any advice on how to handle this going forward. Answer: It's understandable to feel conflicted about this situation, and it’s commendable that you’re being considerate of the dynamics involved. The key to addressing this situation is recognizing the differences in life stages between you and the girl. While you’ve known her for a long time, the gap in age and experience (you being in college and she still in high school) can create some complexities, both socially and emotionally. The age difference itself, especially since she’s 17, doesn’t automatically make your feelings inappropriate, but it’s important to consider factors like her maturity, her perspective, and the context of your relationship. You’ve both grown and changed over the years, but you are at different points in your lives. At 17, she’s still developing emotionally and socially, and the experience gap between you (with you being in college) can make a relationship feel more imbalanced. As for how others might perceive the situation—your concern about how her parents, as well as your own, would react—is valid. Some parents might have reservations about a high school student dating a college student due to the different stages of life, and it’s important to be prepared for that potential reaction. Regarding whether or not pursuing a relationship makes you "a creep," I would say that your self-awareness is already a step in the right direction. It’s essential to be sure that both parties are comfortable with the idea, and that you're approaching her with genuine respect for her boundaries and feelings. If you decide to move forward with these feelings, it might be worth discussing the situation with her and being open to how she feels about it, as well as making sure you both understand the potential challenges, especially when it comes to family dynamics and societal expectations. Lastly, take your time with this situation. Relationships, especially when there are differences in age and life stages, require a lot of careful thought and consideration. Being respectful of her space and her needs, as well as being mindful of how she feels about your evolving friendship, will help guide you both toward making the best decision for the future.

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Dwight Indiana

I'm a 19-year-old freshman in college, and there's a girl, a 17-year-old junior in high school, with whom I've been friends for about six years. We went to high school together, and recently we've reconnected. I've enjoyed hanging out with her and texting her, and over time, I've started developing feelings for her. This situation is making me feel really conflicted. Even though we've known each other for a long time and have a strong friendship, there's still a two-year age difference, and she's in a different grade. I really don’t want to come across as "that guy," and I’m worried about how her parents might react if we were to date, especially since she's still in high school. I’m also unsure of how my own parents would feel about the situation. My main question is: does having feelings for her or wanting to pursue a relationship make me seem like a creep? I’d also appreciate any advice on how to handle this going forward. Answer: It's understandable to feel conflicted about this situation, and it’s commendable that you’re being considerate of the dynamics involved. The key to addressing this situation is recognizing the differences in life stages between you and the girl. While you’ve known her for a long time, the gap in age and experience (you being in college and she still in high school) can create some complexities, both socially and emotionally. The age difference itself, especially since she’s 17, doesn’t automatically make your feelings inappropriate, but it’s important to consider factors like her maturity, her perspective, and the context of your relationship. You’ve both grown and changed over the years, but you are at different points in your lives. At 17, she’s still developing emotionally and socially, and the experience gap between you (with you being in college) can make a relationship feel more imbalanced. As for how others might perceive the situation—your concern about how her parents, as well as your own, would react—is valid. Some parents might have reservations about a high school student dating a college student due to the different stages of life, and it’s important to be prepared for that potential reaction. Regarding whether or not pursuing a relationship makes you "a creep," I would say that your self-awareness is already a step in the right direction. It’s essential to be sure that both parties are comfortable with the idea, and that you're approaching her with genuine respect for her boundaries and feelings. If you decide to move forward with these feelings, it might be worth discussing the situation with her and being open to how she feels about it, as well as making sure you both understand the potential challenges, especially when it comes to family dynamics and societal expectations. Lastly, take your time with this situation. Relationships, especially when there are differences in age and life stages, require a lot of careful thought and consideration. Being respectful of her space and her needs, as well as being mindful of how she feels about your evolving friendship, will help guide you both toward making the best decision for the future.

a month ago

It's completely normal to feel conflicted in this situation, and it's great that you're being thoughtful about the dynamics at play. Here are some key points to consider:

1. Understanding the Age Difference

While a two-year age difference may not seem significant in the grand scheme of things, it can have different implications depending on the life stages involved. At 19, you're likely experiencing a lot of new freedoms and responsibilities as a college student, while she is still navigating high school. This disparity can impact relationship dynamics, as you may be in a different place emotionally and socially.

2. Maturity Levels

Maturity is subjective and varies from person to person. However, it's essential to assess whether both of you are on the same wavelength regarding emotional maturity and life experiences. For example, you might have more exposure to adult situations, such as managing finances or dealing with college life, which could influence how you view relationships. It's crucial to ensure that any potential relationship is balanced and that both parties feel comfortable.

3. Navigating Family Dynamics

Your concern about how her parents might react is valid. Many parents are protective of their children, especially when it comes to dating someone older. If this relationship were to progress, consider how you would approach her parents. Open communication can go a long way. You might want to have a respectful conversation with her about how she feels her parents would react and whether she would be comfortable introducing you to them.

4. Communication is Key

If you're considering pursuing a romantic relationship, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with her. Express your feelings while also being receptive to her thoughts. For instance, you might say something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you, and I've started to develop feelings for you. How do you feel about that?" This approach invites her to share her feelings without pressure.

5. Self-Reflection

Feeling like a "creep" often stems from societal perceptions and personal insecurities. However, your self-awareness shows that you're thoughtful about the situation. Remember that feelings are natural, and as long as you approach her with respect and integrity, it doesn't make you a creep. You’re not acting on an impulse; instead, you’re considering the implications of your feelings.

6. Take Your Time

There’s no rush to define the relationship immediately. Allow your friendship to develop naturally and see where it leads. If she reciprocates your feelings, you can gradually explore the idea of dating while being mindful of the complexities involved. For instance, you might decide to take things slow and see how both of you feel over time.

7. Conclusion

Ultimately, relationships require mutual consent, respect, and understanding. By being mindful of her feelings and the potential challenges, you can navigate this situation thoughtfully. Remember, it’s essential to maintain a strong foundation of friendship, as that can lead to a more meaningful relationship if both of you decide to pursue it.

In summary, be open, communicate honestly, and take your time. Whatever path you choose, ensure that it aligns with both of your comfort levels and values.

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