I’m a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 20. We’ve been together for almost two years, but lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly alone and like my needs aren’t being prioritized. For example, I recently got a new gaming PC, and all I’ve wanted to do is play games with him. I’m not the best at gaming, but I genuinely enjoy it, and he’s the only person I have to play with. I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to play together, but he usually declines or says, “maybe tomorrow,” and then never brings it up again. This pattern extends to our calls as well; I’m always the one initiating. Even when we both have free time, he often doesn’t want to call until the evening, and then he leaves shortly after to chat with his friends. We recently faced a situation that really highlighted these feelings. We had plans for him to come visit me and stay at my house for a few days. Since we’re in a medium-distance relationship, we only get to see each other once a week. However, he ended up sleeping in and decided not to come at all, despite my efforts to arrange alternative travel for him after he missed the bus. Today, we were supposed to spend time together, but he left our call almost immediately to play with his friends instead. I completely understand the importance of having time for friends and alone time in a relationship, and I make sure to balance both in my life. However, it feels like his friends take precedence over our relationship, which hurts, especially given the limited time we have together. It seems like he rushes away from our time together, which makes me feel unvalued. Additionally, I’ve noticed he often disregards my boundaries and can be quite insensitive. When I try to express my feelings or ask for simple things—like heating up my water bottle—I often end up doing it myself, feeling upset and unheard. I’m really stuck right now. I love my boyfriend deeply and don’t want to end the relationship, but I feel like he doesn’t care about my feelings or needs. I’m looking for any advice on how to approach this situation or what I could try to improve things between us. Thank you!

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Irena Vanja

I’m a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 20. We’ve been together for almost two years, but lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly alone and like my needs aren’t being prioritized. For example, I recently got a new gaming PC, and all I’ve wanted to do is play games with him. I’m not the best at gaming, but I genuinely enjoy it, and he’s the only person I have to play with. I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to play together, but he usually declines or says, “maybe tomorrow,” and then never brings it up again. This pattern extends to our calls as well; I’m always the one initiating. Even when we both have free time, he often doesn’t want to call until the evening, and then he leaves shortly after to chat with his friends. We recently faced a situation that really highlighted these feelings. We had plans for him to come visit me and stay at my house for a few days. Since we’re in a medium-distance relationship, we only get to see each other once a week. However, he ended up sleeping in and decided not to come at all, despite my efforts to arrange alternative travel for him after he missed the bus. Today, we were supposed to spend time together, but he left our call almost immediately to play with his friends instead. I completely understand the importance of having time for friends and alone time in a relationship, and I make sure to balance both in my life. However, it feels like his friends take precedence over our relationship, which hurts, especially given the limited time we have together. It seems like he rushes away from our time together, which makes me feel unvalued. Additionally, I’ve noticed he often disregards my boundaries and can be quite insensitive. When I try to express my feelings or ask for simple things—like heating up my water bottle—I often end up doing it myself, feeling upset and unheard. I’m really stuck right now. I love my boyfriend deeply and don’t want to end the relationship, but I feel like he doesn’t care about my feelings or needs. I’m looking for any advice on how to approach this situation or what I could try to improve things between us. Thank you!

a month ago

It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time in your relationship, and it's completely valid to feel isolated and hurt by your boyfriend's actions. Communication and mutual respect are essential in any relationship, especially when it comes to long-distance dynamics. Here are some steps you can take to address your feelings and improve the situation:

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

Before addressing your boyfriend, take some time to reflect on your feelings. Write down specific instances where you felt neglected or unimportant. This will help you articulate your thoughts clearly when you talk to him.

2. Choose the Right Time to Talk

Timing is crucial when discussing sensitive topics. Find a moment when both of you are relaxed and not preoccupied with other activities. You might say, "Can we talk about something that's been on my mind? I want to share some feelings I've been having."

3. Use "I" Statements

When expressing your feelings, use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example:

Instead of: "You never want to play games with me."
Try: "I feel lonely when I ask to play games together, and it doesn’t happen."

4. Discuss Boundaries and Respect

It seems like your boyfriend may not fully understand your boundaries and needs. Clearly communicate what you expect regarding respect and shared time. You might say, "I need to feel valued in our relationship, and it hurts when my requests are overlooked."

5. Address Your Needs

Let him know what you need from him moving forward. This could include:

Making time for gaming together.
Scheduling regular calls, even if they are brief.
Expressing appreciation for each other’s efforts.

6. Encourage Mutual Activities

Suggest activities that you both can enjoy together, especially considering the distance. This could be online games or watching a show simultaneously. This way, it’s a shared effort, and he may feel more inclined to participate.

7. Evaluate His Response

After you’ve communicated your feelings, observe how he responds. A caring partner will acknowledge your feelings and work towards improving the relationship. If he dismisses your concerns or continues to prioritize his friends over your time together, it may be a sign of deeper issues.

8. Consider Professional Help

If the situation doesn’t improve, consider seeking help from a professional, such as a relationship counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate your feelings and the dynamics of your relationship.

9. Prioritize Self-Care

While working through these feelings, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Engage in activities that make you happy, spend time with friends, and focus on your hobbies. This will help you maintain your mental health and perspective.

10. Know When to Walk Away

Ultimately, if your boyfriend continues to disregard your feelings and needs despite your efforts to communicate, you may need to reassess the relationship. It’s important to be with someone who values and respects you just as much as you do them.

Remember, you deserve to feel valued and appreciated in your relationship. Take small steps towards open communication, and hopefully, your boyfriend will respond positively.

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