Your situation presents a complex dynamic between personal responsibility, financial necessity, and relationship support. Let's break it down:

1. Financial Independence and Responsibility:

It is crucial for individuals to maintain their financial independence, especially when it comes to managing debt and planning for future expenses. You mentioned needing to pay down debt and prepare for Christmas, both of which are valid concerns. Quitting your job would jeopardize your financial stability, especially since you have no alternative employment lined up. This is a significant consideration and a rational reason for you to remain employed.

2. Supporting a Partner vs. Personal Needs:

While it is commendable to support your partner during tough times, it should not come at the expense of your own well-being and financial security. Your boyfriend's request for you to quit your job to support him in his stance against the company is problematic. He seems to be projecting his feelings of frustration and victimization onto you, which is not a healthy dynamic. In a supportive relationship, both partners should consider each other's needs and goals.

3. The Impact of Substance Use:

His use of steroids and subsequent ban raises significant concerns regarding accountability. It's important to recognize that while he may feel victimized by the company's actions, his choices led to this situation. Expecting you to sacrifice your career and stability to back him up may reflect a lack of accountability on his part. This could also be indicative of deeper issues that might need to be addressed, such as his perspective on the use of performance-enhancing substances and their implications.

4. Personal Growth and Career Development:

You mentioned that you are trying to establish a good relationship at work and are taking courses to move up. This commitment to your career is commendable and should be prioritized. Investing in your professional development is essential for your long-term success and personal fulfillment. Staying in your job not only supports your financial needs but also contributes to your personal growth.

5. Emotional Well-being:

Feeling isolated while on a long shift can certainly influence your mindset. It’s vital to seek support from friends, family, or even professional counselors to help navigate your feelings. You’ve mentioned that you are staying sober and seeking therapy, which is a positive step towards maintaining your emotional health. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can help reinforce your decision to prioritize your own needs.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, you are not the A-hole for wanting to keep your job and secure your financial future. It’s important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your feelings and the reasons behind your decision. A healthy relationship should allow both partners to pursue their own paths while supporting each other. If your boyfriend cannot understand your perspective, it may be worth reevaluating the dynamics of your relationship.

Remember, prioritizing your own needs and career does not mean you do not care for him; it means you are taking responsibility for your life. It's a necessary step for both your personal growth and the health of your relationship.