AITA for telling my (30F) live-in boyfriend (28M) that he prioritizes a game over me and my sick dog? Today, my dog began showing signs of an allergy attack after our walk. Her snout started getting bumps, and her eyes turned slightly red. About 30 minutes later, her snout was fully swollen, and she was clearly uncomfortable, trying to scratch it and not letting me touch her. I called the emergency vet clinic. While I was on the phone, I asked my boyfriend if he could cancel his game night to come with me, since he usually plays an online game with 25 strangers every few days. He questioned why he would need to cancel, saying it would inconvenience 25 people for something that might not be a serious emergency. I snapped at him, asking if he really prioritized a game and 25 strangers over me and our dog’s health. He then asked why I had to put it like that, and mentioned that he didn’t think the situation was dire, as the dog didn’t seem too bad to him. I immediately apologized for snapping. Now, my boyfriend doesn’t drive, but I was on crutches and needed help with the dog. I asked him to at least walk us to the car, which he did. On the drive, my dog’s condition worsened, and she stopped breathing just as I turned into the vet’s parking lot. I honked the last 100 meters and rushed inside with her, and the staff immediately ran to help. They gave her the meds she needed, and her breathing returned to normal. We stayed at the clinic for observation and later left with some medications. I kept my boyfriend updated via text. Afterward, when we got home, he went straight back to playing his game and barely acknowledged our return. So, AITA for confronting him about his priorities?

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Caelie Brynlee

AITA for telling my (30F) live-in boyfriend (28M) that he prioritizes a game over me and my sick dog? Today, my dog began showing signs of an allergy attack after our walk. Her snout started getting bumps, and her eyes turned slightly red. About 30 minutes later, her snout was fully swollen, and she was clearly uncomfortable, trying to scratch it and not letting me touch her. I called the emergency vet clinic. While I was on the phone, I asked my boyfriend if he could cancel his game night to come with me, since he usually plays an online game with 25 strangers every few days. He questioned why he would need to cancel, saying it would inconvenience 25 people for something that might not be a serious emergency. I snapped at him, asking if he really prioritized a game and 25 strangers over me and our dog’s health. He then asked why I had to put it like that, and mentioned that he didn’t think the situation was dire, as the dog didn’t seem too bad to him. I immediately apologized for snapping. Now, my boyfriend doesn’t drive, but I was on crutches and needed help with the dog. I asked him to at least walk us to the car, which he did. On the drive, my dog’s condition worsened, and she stopped breathing just as I turned into the vet’s parking lot. I honked the last 100 meters and rushed inside with her, and the staff immediately ran to help. They gave her the meds she needed, and her breathing returned to normal. We stayed at the clinic for observation and later left with some medications. I kept my boyfriend updated via text. Afterward, when we got home, he went straight back to playing his game and barely acknowledged our return. So, AITA for confronting him about his priorities?

a month ago

From your description, it seems you were in a highly stressful situation, and your concern for your dog's health was completely justified. When it comes to emergencies involving pets, especially when they are part of the family, it’s natural to expect your partner to be supportive and present. Let's break down the situation.

Understanding Priorities

Your dog’s sudden allergic reaction and worsening condition would understandably cause panic. In situations like this, emotional support from a partner can be crucial. Your boyfriend’s initial response—questioning why he should cancel his game night—can appear dismissive, especially when a pet’s health is at stake. This reflects a potential mismatch in priorities, where the gravity of the situation might not have been fully realized by him.

Communication Breakdown

When you confronted him about prioritizing a game over your dog’s health, you were expressing a valid concern. However, the way this was communicated might have led to defensiveness on his part. Phrasing your feelings in a more constructive way might have fostered a more supportive dialogue. For example, instead of framing it as a direct accusation, you could have expressed your feelings of fear and anxiety about the situation and your need for his support during a tough time.

His Role in the Situation

While it’s true that your boyfriend does not drive, there are other ways he could have been supportive. Keeping you calm during your drive could have been one of them. Emotional support is just as important as physical assistance in emergencies. His decision to return to his game upon your return may have made you feel undervalued and ignored after such a traumatic experience.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while your feelings of frustration are understandable and valid, the way you expressed them could have been more constructive. It’s essential to communicate openly about feelings and expectations, especially during stressful times. This situation might serve as a wake-up call for both of you to reassess your priorities and improve communication in your relationship. It’s not about being right or wrong, but about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground.

Ultimately, you are not the 'asshole' for wanting your partner to prioritize your well-being and that of your dog, but the conversation about how to express that concern could be revisited to foster a healthier dialogue in the future.

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