"I met a man on a matrimonial/dating app, and from the beginning, we were both clear that we wanted to get married after getting to know each other. After two or three months of talking, I asked him about his intentions, and he said he would talk to his mother about me and let me know. We stopped talking for a week after this conversation, but then I reached out to him about something, and we resumed talking. Since then, I didn't ask about whether he spoke to his mother or not. A few more months went by, and this week we had another conversation where I asked if I could talk to my parents about him. He said to give him around three months to talk to his parents first, especially since he would be traveling back to his home country, where both his parents and I live. At the beginning of our conversation, he seemed eager to introduce me to his parents early, but this delay felt different than what we initially discussed. I then mentioned that I thought he had already spoken to his mother, and I sent a message saying that while I’m not the best judge of people, I have a feeling that something doesn’t seem right here. He hasn’t replied, and it’s been a whole day. Did I say something wrong, or is my intuition telling me that something might be off?" Answer: It seems like your instincts might be picking up on something that doesn’t quite feel right, but it's important to look at the situation objectively as well. Here are a few considerations: Communication and Expectations: You’ve been upfront and clear about your intentions, which is great. However, it seems like there’s a bit of back-and-forth in his responses. The initial eagerness to introduce parents followed by delays and vague answers could be creating some confusion and mixed signals. It’s important to clarify expectations and timelines, but it’s also worth considering that some people may need more time to have serious conversations with their families, especially in cultures where family involvement is significant. Your Intuition: Trusting your gut is essential, but try not to jump to conclusions based solely on one instance. Sometimes people take longer to open up or follow through on their commitments. However, the fact that he didn't reply to your message could suggest that your directness may have caught him off guard, or perhaps he’s not comfortable addressing your concerns. Timing and Approach: It might help to be more patient and give him the time he’s asked for to speak with his parents. At the same time, you could follow up after some time has passed to discuss your concerns openly. It’s okay to express that you're feeling unsure or confused about his actions. Being transparent about your feelings while being respectful of his situation could help you better understand his intentions. Addressing Concerns: Instead of saying something feels “wrong,” it might help to ask him directly about your concerns. For example, “I’ve noticed some delays and I’m just curious if everything is okay, or if there’s something you’re unsure about regarding our discussions.” This keeps the conversation more focused on understanding rather than sounding like an accusation. Overall, it doesn’t seem like you said anything wrong, but how you approach the situation moving forward could determine how things unfold. It’s important to continue being open with each other, but also be aware of your own feelings and boundaries as you move forward in this relationship. If the delays and lack of transparency continue, then it might be a sign to reassess how aligned your goals and values are.

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Jody Patty

"I met a man on a matrimonial/dating app, and from the beginning, we were both clear that we wanted to get married after getting to know each other. After two or three months of talking, I asked him about his intentions, and he said he would talk to his mother about me and let me know. We stopped talking for a week after this conversation, but then I reached out to him about something, and we resumed talking. Since then, I didn't ask about whether he spoke to his mother or not. A few more months went by, and this week we had another conversation where I asked if I could talk to my parents about him. He said to give him around three months to talk to his parents first, especially since he would be traveling back to his home country, where both his parents and I live. At the beginning of our conversation, he seemed eager to introduce me to his parents early, but this delay felt different than what we initially discussed. I then mentioned that I thought he had already spoken to his mother, and I sent a message saying that while I’m not the best judge of people, I have a feeling that something doesn’t seem right here. He hasn’t replied, and it’s been a whole day. Did I say something wrong, or is my intuition telling me that something might be off?" Answer: It seems like your instincts might be picking up on something that doesn’t quite feel right, but it's important to look at the situation objectively as well. Here are a few considerations: Communication and Expectations: You’ve been upfront and clear about your intentions, which is great. However, it seems like there’s a bit of back-and-forth in his responses. The initial eagerness to introduce parents followed by delays and vague answers could be creating some confusion and mixed signals. It’s important to clarify expectations and timelines, but it’s also worth considering that some people may need more time to have serious conversations with their families, especially in cultures where family involvement is significant. Your Intuition: Trusting your gut is essential, but try not to jump to conclusions based solely on one instance. Sometimes people take longer to open up or follow through on their commitments. However, the fact that he didn't reply to your message could suggest that your directness may have caught him off guard, or perhaps he’s not comfortable addressing your concerns. Timing and Approach: It might help to be more patient and give him the time he’s asked for to speak with his parents. At the same time, you could follow up after some time has passed to discuss your concerns openly. It’s okay to express that you're feeling unsure or confused about his actions. Being transparent about your feelings while being respectful of his situation could help you better understand his intentions. Addressing Concerns: Instead of saying something feels “wrong,” it might help to ask him directly about your concerns. For example, “I’ve noticed some delays and I’m just curious if everything is okay, or if there’s something you’re unsure about regarding our discussions.” This keeps the conversation more focused on understanding rather than sounding like an accusation. Overall, it doesn’t seem like you said anything wrong, but how you approach the situation moving forward could determine how things unfold. It’s important to continue being open with each other, but also be aware of your own feelings and boundaries as you move forward in this relationship. If the delays and lack of transparency continue, then it might be a sign to reassess how aligned your goals and values are.

a month ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation with this man, and it's understandable to feel uncertain about his intentions. Here are several key points to consider:

Communication and Expectations

You’ve been clear about wanting to get married, which is commendable. However, the inconsistency in his responses may indicate a disconnect in communication. For instance, he initially expressed eagerness to introduce you to his parents, but his recent request for more time suggests a shift in his readiness.

Consider this: In many cultures, talking to parents about a potential marriage partner is a significant step, and it can bring about a lot of pressure. This may lead to hesitation or delays on his part. It could be beneficial to have an open conversation about the timelines and expectations from both sides.

Your Intuition

Trusting your gut is crucial in relationships. If something feels off, it's worth paying attention to that feeling. However, it’s essential to balance intuition with rational thought. For example, someone might take longer to discuss serious matters due to personal circumstances or family dynamics.

Remember, not every delay indicates a lack of interest or commitment. It may be that he genuinely needs more time to prepare for a conversation with his parents.

Timing and Approach

Patience can be a virtue in this context. If he has asked for three months, consider allowing him that space while also keeping the lines of communication open. You might say something like, “I understand you need time to talk to your parents, and I’m here to support you. Let’s check in on how things are going after a few weeks.”

This approach shows that you respect his process while also expressing your desire for clarity.

Addressing Concerns

Instead of framing your feelings as something being “off,” you might want to express your concerns in a way that invites dialogue. For example, you could say:

“I’ve noticed some delays in our discussions about family introductions, and I just want to make sure everything is okay. It would help me to understand your thoughts and feelings about this.”

This phrasing opens the door for him to share his perspective without feeling defensive.

Moving Forward

It doesn’t seem like you said anything wrong in your message, but how you choose to communicate moving forward will be key. Stay open and honest about your feelings while being respectful of his situation. If the lack of communication or transparency continues, it may be time to reassess whether your goals and values align.

Ultimately, the trajectory of your relationship will depend on mutual understanding and respect. If you find that your concerns are consistently dismissed or ignored, that could signal deeper issues that need to be addressed.

In summary, keep the lines of communication open, trust your intuition, and approach the situation with patience and clarity. This will help you gauge his intentions more effectively and determine the best path forward for both of you.

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