"I’m completely heartbroken and confused right now. Yesterday, my fiancé (23M) and I (22F) had a huge fight about moving out. We’ve been together for almost a year, and recently, my mom sent us a rental house listing, and my fiancé agreed to look at it. I rearranged my work schedule to see the house with him, but then he told me he was scared to move out. I reassured him that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t help but feel hurt. I thought it was a sign he didn’t want to take that next step with me. The fight escalated yesterday when he told me he didn’t feel supported with his anxiety. I apologized and tried to explain that I just wanted to move out with him. He kept suggesting that we push back our moving date further and further. I reminded him that we had been planning this for months, and if he wasn’t ready to move out with me, I would have to move on, as I want to build a life with someone. He expressed a lot of worries, like missing his parents (he’s an only child), fearing we would fight and break up, and more. I tried to be understanding, acknowledging his anxiety, but also asked him to think logically about it. Eventually, we agreed to a new moving date of March 1st, but I was still upset that he had me rearrange everything despite not wanting to see the house. Later, we went to his work party, and although I was upset, we had a decent time. He asked me if I wanted to break up, and I told him no, but I was worried he’d never want to move out with me. He promised he didn’t want to lose me and assured me that we would work it out. Today, he told me he doesn’t feel supported and that I’m causing him a lot of anxiety. I apologized again, and we agreed to talk it out. I even left my class early to meet him, but just before I arrived, he texted me saying he couldn’t do this anymore and blocked me and my family on everything. His mom said that my ultimatum made him see the relationship differently. I’m so confused and upset. A friend of his reached out to tell me that he loves me but needs time to think. I’m left wondering what to do. If he reaches out again, should I take him back? This isn’t the first time his anxiety has gotten in the way of our relationship (like when we’ve planned trips), and I’ve tried to be understanding, but he says I’m not. I don’t know what to do." Answer: First, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this—relationships with someone who struggles with anxiety can be very challenging, especially when those anxieties begin to affect the big decisions and milestones in the relationship. Here are a few things to think about: Understand the Impact of Anxiety: It sounds like your fiancé is genuinely struggling with his anxiety, which is making it difficult for him to take the next steps, like moving out or traveling. While it’s valid for you to want these changes, it’s also important to recognize that he may feel overwhelmed by those decisions, especially if they challenge his sense of security and routine. Setting Boundaries: While being understanding of his anxiety is important, it’s also crucial that you set boundaries for yourself. You want to build a life with someone, and if he isn’t ready to do that with you, you need to be honest with yourself about your own needs. It’s okay to want to move forward, but it’s also okay to step back if his pace isn’t aligning with yours. Reassess the Relationship: If he does reach out again, take some time to really think about what you need in a relationship. If you’re going to move forward, it’s essential to have open communication where both of you can express your feelings, fears, and needs without feeling like either party has to make an ultimatum. Anxiety shouldn’t be used as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations or important life decisions. Seek Professional Help: It sounds like his anxiety is playing a significant role in the relationship’s difficulties. Encourage him to seek professional help if he hasn’t already—therapy or counseling might help him learn how to manage his anxieties and approach big decisions with a clearer mindset. Take Care of Yourself: While it’s understandable that you want to support him, you also need to think about your own emotional well-being. If you feel that you’re continually sacrificing your needs for his anxieties, it’s important to evaluate whether this relationship is still fulfilling for you. What to Do if He Reaches Out: If he reaches out again, have a candid conversation about what both of you want and need moving forward. Does he see a future with you? Does he want to work on his anxieties? Are you both on the same page about what you want from the relationship? If there’s a future, it needs to be one where both of you are moving in the same direction, with mutual understanding and support. Ultimately, relationships require compromise, but they also require honesty, understanding, and a willingness to grow together. You need to decide whether this relationship, with its current struggles, is worth the effort or if you need to move forward on your own path. Trust yourself and what feels right for you.

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Merit Krystina

"I’m completely heartbroken and confused right now. Yesterday, my fiancé (23M) and I (22F) had a huge fight about moving out. We’ve been together for almost a year, and recently, my mom sent us a rental house listing, and my fiancé agreed to look at it. I rearranged my work schedule to see the house with him, but then he told me he was scared to move out. I reassured him that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t help but feel hurt. I thought it was a sign he didn’t want to take that next step with me. The fight escalated yesterday when he told me he didn’t feel supported with his anxiety. I apologized and tried to explain that I just wanted to move out with him. He kept suggesting that we push back our moving date further and further. I reminded him that we had been planning this for months, and if he wasn’t ready to move out with me, I would have to move on, as I want to build a life with someone. He expressed a lot of worries, like missing his parents (he’s an only child), fearing we would fight and break up, and more. I tried to be understanding, acknowledging his anxiety, but also asked him to think logically about it. Eventually, we agreed to a new moving date of March 1st, but I was still upset that he had me rearrange everything despite not wanting to see the house. Later, we went to his work party, and although I was upset, we had a decent time. He asked me if I wanted to break up, and I told him no, but I was worried he’d never want to move out with me. He promised he didn’t want to lose me and assured me that we would work it out. Today, he told me he doesn’t feel supported and that I’m causing him a lot of anxiety. I apologized again, and we agreed to talk it out. I even left my class early to meet him, but just before I arrived, he texted me saying he couldn’t do this anymore and blocked me and my family on everything. His mom said that my ultimatum made him see the relationship differently. I’m so confused and upset. A friend of his reached out to tell me that he loves me but needs time to think. I’m left wondering what to do. If he reaches out again, should I take him back? This isn’t the first time his anxiety has gotten in the way of our relationship (like when we’ve planned trips), and I’ve tried to be understanding, but he says I’m not. I don’t know what to do." Answer: First, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this—relationships with someone who struggles with anxiety can be very challenging, especially when those anxieties begin to affect the big decisions and milestones in the relationship. Here are a few things to think about: Understand the Impact of Anxiety: It sounds like your fiancé is genuinely struggling with his anxiety, which is making it difficult for him to take the next steps, like moving out or traveling. While it’s valid for you to want these changes, it’s also important to recognize that he may feel overwhelmed by those decisions, especially if they challenge his sense of security and routine. Setting Boundaries: While being understanding of his anxiety is important, it’s also crucial that you set boundaries for yourself. You want to build a life with someone, and if he isn’t ready to do that with you, you need to be honest with yourself about your own needs. It’s okay to want to move forward, but it’s also okay to step back if his pace isn’t aligning with yours. Reassess the Relationship: If he does reach out again, take some time to really think about what you need in a relationship. If you’re going to move forward, it’s essential to have open communication where both of you can express your feelings, fears, and needs without feeling like either party has to make an ultimatum. Anxiety shouldn’t be used as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations or important life decisions. Seek Professional Help: It sounds like his anxiety is playing a significant role in the relationship’s difficulties. Encourage him to seek professional help if he hasn’t already—therapy or counseling might help him learn how to manage his anxieties and approach big decisions with a clearer mindset. Take Care of Yourself: While it’s understandable that you want to support him, you also need to think about your own emotional well-being. If you feel that you’re continually sacrificing your needs for his anxieties, it’s important to evaluate whether this relationship is still fulfilling for you. What to Do if He Reaches Out: If he reaches out again, have a candid conversation about what both of you want and need moving forward. Does he see a future with you? Does he want to work on his anxieties? Are you both on the same page about what you want from the relationship? If there’s a future, it needs to be one where both of you are moving in the same direction, with mutual understanding and support. Ultimately, relationships require compromise, but they also require honesty, understanding, and a willingness to grow together. You need to decide whether this relationship, with its current struggles, is worth the effort or if you need to move forward on your own path. Trust yourself and what feels right for you.

a month ago

First, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this—relationships with someone who struggles with anxiety can be very challenging, especially when those anxieties begin to affect the big decisions and milestones in the relationship. Here are a few things to think about:

Understand the Impact of Anxiety

It sounds like your fiancé is genuinely struggling with his anxiety, which is making it difficult for him to take the next steps, like moving out or traveling. While it’s valid for you to want these changes, it’s also important to recognize that he may feel overwhelmed by those decisions, especially if they challenge his sense of security and routine. For instance, he may fear losing the comfort of his home environment, which can be a significant source of anxiety for many individuals. Understanding this perspective can help you approach the situation with empathy.

Setting Boundaries

While being understanding of his anxiety is important, it’s also crucial that you set boundaries for yourself. You want to build a life with someone, and if he isn’t ready to do that with you, you need to be honest with yourself about your own needs. It’s okay to want to move forward, but it’s also okay to step back if his pace isn’t aligning with yours. For example, if you feel that planning a future together is essential for your happiness, you need to communicate that clearly and consider what that means for your relationship.

Reassess the Relationship

If he does reach out again, take some time to really think about what you need in a relationship. If you’re going to move forward, it’s essential to have open communication where both of you can express your feelings, fears, and needs without feeling like either party has to make an ultimatum. Anxiety shouldn’t be used as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations or important life decisions. Consider discussing your future together and whether you both share similar goals, such as moving out or building a life together.

Seek Professional Help

It sounds like his anxiety is playing a significant role in the relationship’s difficulties. Encourage him to seek professional help if he hasn’t already—therapy or counseling might help him learn how to manage his anxieties and approach big decisions with a clearer mindset. Many people find that talking to a therapist provides them with tools to cope with their anxiety and make more informed decisions about their relationships.

Take Care of Yourself

While it’s understandable that you want to support him, you also need to think about your own emotional well-being. If you feel that you’re continually sacrificing your needs for his anxieties, it’s important to evaluate whether this relationship is still fulfilling for you. Consider what you want out of a relationship and whether you’re getting that support. If moving out together is a priority for you, reflect on whether you can wait for him to catch up or if you need to pursue that goal independently.

What to Do if He Reaches Out

If he reaches out again, have a candid conversation about what both of you want and need moving forward. Does he see a future with you? Does he want to work on his anxieties? Are you both on the same page about what you want from the relationship? If there’s a future, it needs to be one where both of you are moving in the same direction, with mutual understanding and support. For example, you might ask him how he envisions your life together and what steps he feels comfortable taking towards that vision.

Conclusion

Ultimately, relationships require compromise, but they also require honesty, understanding, and a willingness to grow together. You need to decide whether this relationship, with its current struggles, is worth the effort or if you need to move forward on your own path. Trust yourself and what feels right for you. Remember, it’s important to prioritize your own needs and happiness while also being supportive of his challenges.

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