"I'm a 20-year-old guy living in Delhi. I met a beautiful girl during my first year of college. We got close, hung out multiple times, and did a lot of things together. She even tried to buy me an expensive watch, but I refused because I didn’t want any material things that might create unnecessary attachments. Over time, I realized she loves me, and I probably love her too, but her behavior has changed recently. Initially, she seemed very soft-spoken and cultured, but now she talks a lot about women’s rights and feminism. While I fully support women’s rights (which are obviously important in our country), she sometimes comes across as an activist, and she even seems to have some misandrist views, which I consider a red flag. I don't have an issue with her views, but her frequent comments like, "All men are bad, but you’re different," really irritate me. I don’t understand why she keeps bringing this up, as it feels like she assumes I’m interested in these topics. As time passed, I stopped talking to her, and when she noticed, I told her that I wasn’t able to study properly and needed space. She didn’t believe me and tried to get closer, but I feel that making the right career decisions and choosing a life partner are two of the most important decisions in life. Now, I’m thinking of sending her a beautiful dress that she noticed when we were at Ambience Mall. I’ll send it as a ‘thank you for being there for me’ gift, but I want to remain anonymous. She once mentioned wanting to buy that dress for herself on her birthday, but it’s a bit expensive (around 9k). I think she’ll likely figure out it’s from me, but I want to express my gratitude and heart's feelings, even though I no longer have romantic feelings for her." Answer: It seems like you're dealing with a mix of personal growth and some shifting dynamics in your relationship with this girl. Here are some thoughts to consider: Changed Behavior and Different Perspectives: It’s clear that you initially felt a connection with her, but as time passed, her behavior and views started to feel out of alignment with your own. It’s completely normal for people to change or reveal different facets of themselves as relationships progress. However, it sounds like her views on feminism and men are now rubbing you the wrong way, and this has made you question the dynamic. Communication and Boundaries: If her frequent remarks about men and feminism are bothering you, it might be worth having an honest conversation about how her comments make you feel. It’s important to communicate boundaries and let her know what makes you uncomfortable. At the same time, listen to her side of the story and understand where she's coming from, even if you don’t always agree. Gratitude vs. Romantic Feelings: Your intention of sending her the dress seems to come from a place of gratitude, rather than romantic interest. If you no longer have romantic feelings for her, it's important to be clear with yourself and with her about what you expect from the gesture. Sending the dress anonymously might create confusion or mixed signals, especially if she still has feelings for you. If your goal is purely gratitude, you could consider sending it with a note expressing your appreciation for the good times you shared, without leading her on or leaving room for misinterpretation. Moving Forward: It’s okay to outgrow relationships or to realize that certain things are no longer working for you. If you’ve made the decision to not pursue anything romantic with her, it’s important to focus on your own well-being, personal goals, and future decisions. You’re at a stage where career and life partner decisions are crucial, and you need to prioritize those over past connections if they’re no longer aligning with your vision for the future. In summary, you can certainly express gratitude, but do so in a way that is clear and respectful of her feelings. If you’re no longer romantically interested, it’s important to be mindful of the signals you’re sending. Reflect on what you truly want moving forward and make sure your actions align with that.

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Graysen Mathew

"I'm a 20-year-old guy living in Delhi. I met a beautiful girl during my first year of college. We got close, hung out multiple times, and did a lot of things together. She even tried to buy me an expensive watch, but I refused because I didn’t want any material things that might create unnecessary attachments. Over time, I realized she loves me, and I probably love her too, but her behavior has changed recently. Initially, she seemed very soft-spoken and cultured, but now she talks a lot about women’s rights and feminism. While I fully support women’s rights (which are obviously important in our country), she sometimes comes across as an activist, and she even seems to have some misandrist views, which I consider a red flag. I don't have an issue with her views, but her frequent comments like, "All men are bad, but you’re different," really irritate me. I don’t understand why she keeps bringing this up, as it feels like she assumes I’m interested in these topics. As time passed, I stopped talking to her, and when she noticed, I told her that I wasn’t able to study properly and needed space. She didn’t believe me and tried to get closer, but I feel that making the right career decisions and choosing a life partner are two of the most important decisions in life. Now, I’m thinking of sending her a beautiful dress that she noticed when we were at Ambience Mall. I’ll send it as a ‘thank you for being there for me’ gift, but I want to remain anonymous. She once mentioned wanting to buy that dress for herself on her birthday, but it’s a bit expensive (around 9k). I think she’ll likely figure out it’s from me, but I want to express my gratitude and heart's feelings, even though I no longer have romantic feelings for her." Answer: It seems like you're dealing with a mix of personal growth and some shifting dynamics in your relationship with this girl. Here are some thoughts to consider: Changed Behavior and Different Perspectives: It’s clear that you initially felt a connection with her, but as time passed, her behavior and views started to feel out of alignment with your own. It’s completely normal for people to change or reveal different facets of themselves as relationships progress. However, it sounds like her views on feminism and men are now rubbing you the wrong way, and this has made you question the dynamic. Communication and Boundaries: If her frequent remarks about men and feminism are bothering you, it might be worth having an honest conversation about how her comments make you feel. It’s important to communicate boundaries and let her know what makes you uncomfortable. At the same time, listen to her side of the story and understand where she's coming from, even if you don’t always agree. Gratitude vs. Romantic Feelings: Your intention of sending her the dress seems to come from a place of gratitude, rather than romantic interest. If you no longer have romantic feelings for her, it's important to be clear with yourself and with her about what you expect from the gesture. Sending the dress anonymously might create confusion or mixed signals, especially if she still has feelings for you. If your goal is purely gratitude, you could consider sending it with a note expressing your appreciation for the good times you shared, without leading her on or leaving room for misinterpretation. Moving Forward: It’s okay to outgrow relationships or to realize that certain things are no longer working for you. If you’ve made the decision to not pursue anything romantic with her, it’s important to focus on your own well-being, personal goals, and future decisions. You’re at a stage where career and life partner decisions are crucial, and you need to prioritize those over past connections if they’re no longer aligning with your vision for the future. In summary, you can certainly express gratitude, but do so in a way that is clear and respectful of her feelings. If you’re no longer romantically interested, it’s important to be mindful of the signals you’re sending. Reflect on what you truly want moving forward and make sure your actions align with that.

a month ago

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It sounds like you are navigating a complex situation with someone who was once a significant part of your life. Here are some important points to consider:

Changed Behavior and Different Perspectives

It's natural for individuals to evolve over time, especially in their beliefs and attitudes. You mentioned that she was initially soft-spoken and cultured, but her recent focus on women’s rights and feminism seems to be a shift that you find challenging. It's essential to recognize that people often go through phases where they become more vocal about issues they care about.

For instance, feminism is a broad movement with varying interpretations. While you support women's rights, her approach may feel too extreme for you. This is a common scenario where personal beliefs can clash, leading to discomfort in a relationship.

Communication and Boundaries

Open communication is key. If her comments about men irritate you, consider having a candid discussion. You could say something like:

“I appreciate that you are passionate about women’s rights, but when you say things like ‘all men are bad,’ it makes me feel uncomfortable. I want to support you, but I also need to express how I feel.”

This approach not only communicates your feelings but also shows that you respect her views. It’s important for both of you to feel heard and understood.

Gratitude vs. Romantic Feelings

Your intention to send her a dress as a thank-you gift is thoughtful, but consider how it might be perceived. If you no longer have romantic feelings, sending an anonymous gift could lead to misunderstandings. Instead, you might choose to send the dress with a note that clearly states your intentions, such as:

“Thank you for all the wonderful moments we shared. I hope you enjoy this dress; I remember how much you loved it.”

This way, you express your gratitude without leaving room for misinterpretation. If she still has feelings for you, this might clarify your intentions and minimize confusion.

Moving Forward

Recognizing that you have outgrown a relationship is a significant step. Prioritizing your career and future decisions is essential, especially at this stage in your life. Focus on what you want in a life partner and what aligns with your goals. If her views and behavior no longer match what you seek, it’s okay to distance yourself.

Remember, making decisions about your future requires clarity about your current relationships. Surround yourself with people who support your aspirations and values.

In Summary

You can express gratitude while being clear about your boundaries. Reflect on your feelings and ensure that your actions align with your intentions. If you choose to send the dress, do so in a way that respects both your feelings and hers. This will help maintain dignity and clarity as you move forward in your life.

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