I'm a 19-year-old college student working part-time at a hardware store during winter break. Recently, a new coworker named Rebecca (31) started, and I was asked to train her. Over the last few weeks, she’s shared a lot about her personal life, and I’m growing concerned that she might be a victim of a "romance scam." Rebecca believes she’s in a serious, long-distance relationship with a Marine, and they’re planning to marry soon. She’s even planning to marry him to gain financial stability through his military benefits. Recently, she mentioned needing to pay the “final $500 balance” before the wedding. After some research, I discovered that the man in the photos she’s been sent is actually a semi-famous influencer, not a Marine, and he has different children from what she’s been told. She’s emotionally invested in this relationship and has shared that she’s recovering from an abusive past relationship. This makes the situation all the more heartbreaking because she’s so trusting of him. I feel it’s my responsibility to speak up, but I’m not sure how to approach it, especially with the age gap between us. We have a brief overlap in shifts before I go back to school, and I was thinking of texting her and asking if we could talk before I leave. I also want to offer some help, as she mentioned struggling with her ex’s belongings still being in her apartment. I’m planning to bring bags to help her pack them up. My concern is how to approach this in a way that she’ll listen. Is it even my place to intervene, or should I just let her learn the hard way if she doesn’t believe me? I’d appreciate any advice on how to handle this. Suggested Response to Rebecca (Paraphrased): It’s clear that you care deeply about Rebecca and want to help her, and approaching this with sensitivity and caution is crucial. Here's a way you could consider speaking to her: Approach with empathy and non-judgment: You want to avoid sounding accusatory, which might make her defensive. Start by acknowledging her feelings and experiences. You could say something like: "Hey Rebecca, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks, and I know how much this relationship means to you. I’ve noticed some things that raised concerns for me, and I wanted to share them with you because I care. I’ve done some research, and I’m worried that the person you’re talking to might not be who he says he is. I really want you to be safe, and I just think it’s important you’re aware of the situation." Provide gentle facts: After acknowledging her feelings, share your findings calmly and factually. For example: "The man you’ve been speaking with seems to be using someone else’s pictures, and I found out he’s not in the military, which makes me worried that he might not be truthful about other things too. I understand how much you want this to be real, but sometimes these scams are designed to manipulate people who are in tough situations." Offer support: Emphasize that you’re offering help because you genuinely care, and this is coming from a place of concern: "I know you’ve been through so much already, and I really want to help you. If you need someone to talk to or any help with packing up your ex’s things, I’m more than happy to lend a hand." Leave the door open: After sharing your concerns, allow her space to process and decide how to handle the situation. Be ready to support her, but understand that she may not be ready to listen immediately. "I know this might be hard to hear, and I understand if you don’t want to believe it right now. I just want you to stay safe, and I’ll be here for you no matter what. If you ever need to talk more, please don’t hesitate to reach out." Final Thoughts: Timing is important: It’s great that you want to help, but keep in mind that Rebecca might not be ready to hear the truth. It’s possible she’ll dismiss what you’re saying, but even if she doesn’t act on it immediately, your words could plant a seed for later. Respect her autonomy: While you can offer advice and support, ultimately, it’s her decision. Be ready to offer help in other ways, like supporting her emotionally or helping her with practical tasks, but know that it might take time for her to fully understand the situation. Safety first: Since Rebecca has mentioned a past abusive relationship, it’s important to approach this in a way that’s not overwhelming or pressuring. Make sure she feels that her safety and well-being come first in the conversation. Be patient: Even if she doesn't believe you initially, having someone like you who genuinely cares could help her down the road. Sometimes people need time to process things before they’re ready to accept help. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in your conversation with Rebecca!

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Corynn Noelle

I'm a 19-year-old college student working part-time at a hardware store during winter break. Recently, a new coworker named Rebecca (31) started, and I was asked to train her. Over the last few weeks, she’s shared a lot about her personal life, and I’m growing concerned that she might be a victim of a "romance scam." Rebecca believes she’s in a serious, long-distance relationship with a Marine, and they’re planning to marry soon. She’s even planning to marry him to gain financial stability through his military benefits. Recently, she mentioned needing to pay the “final $500 balance” before the wedding. After some research, I discovered that the man in the photos she’s been sent is actually a semi-famous influencer, not a Marine, and he has different children from what she’s been told. She’s emotionally invested in this relationship and has shared that she’s recovering from an abusive past relationship. This makes the situation all the more heartbreaking because she’s so trusting of him. I feel it’s my responsibility to speak up, but I’m not sure how to approach it, especially with the age gap between us. We have a brief overlap in shifts before I go back to school, and I was thinking of texting her and asking if we could talk before I leave. I also want to offer some help, as she mentioned struggling with her ex’s belongings still being in her apartment. I’m planning to bring bags to help her pack them up. My concern is how to approach this in a way that she’ll listen. Is it even my place to intervene, or should I just let her learn the hard way if she doesn’t believe me? I’d appreciate any advice on how to handle this. Suggested Response to Rebecca (Paraphrased): It’s clear that you care deeply about Rebecca and want to help her, and approaching this with sensitivity and caution is crucial. Here's a way you could consider speaking to her: Approach with empathy and non-judgment: You want to avoid sounding accusatory, which might make her defensive. Start by acknowledging her feelings and experiences. You could say something like: "Hey Rebecca, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks, and I know how much this relationship means to you. I’ve noticed some things that raised concerns for me, and I wanted to share them with you because I care. I’ve done some research, and I’m worried that the person you’re talking to might not be who he says he is. I really want you to be safe, and I just think it’s important you’re aware of the situation." Provide gentle facts: After acknowledging her feelings, share your findings calmly and factually. For example: "The man you’ve been speaking with seems to be using someone else’s pictures, and I found out he’s not in the military, which makes me worried that he might not be truthful about other things too. I understand how much you want this to be real, but sometimes these scams are designed to manipulate people who are in tough situations." Offer support: Emphasize that you’re offering help because you genuinely care, and this is coming from a place of concern: "I know you’ve been through so much already, and I really want to help you. If you need someone to talk to or any help with packing up your ex’s things, I’m more than happy to lend a hand." Leave the door open: After sharing your concerns, allow her space to process and decide how to handle the situation. Be ready to support her, but understand that she may not be ready to listen immediately. "I know this might be hard to hear, and I understand if you don’t want to believe it right now. I just want you to stay safe, and I’ll be here for you no matter what. If you ever need to talk more, please don’t hesitate to reach out." Final Thoughts: Timing is important: It’s great that you want to help, but keep in mind that Rebecca might not be ready to hear the truth. It’s possible she’ll dismiss what you’re saying, but even if she doesn’t act on it immediately, your words could plant a seed for later. Respect her autonomy: While you can offer advice and support, ultimately, it’s her decision. Be ready to offer help in other ways, like supporting her emotionally or helping her with practical tasks, but know that it might take time for her to fully understand the situation. Safety first: Since Rebecca has mentioned a past abusive relationship, it’s important to approach this in a way that’s not overwhelming or pressuring. Make sure she feels that her safety and well-being come first in the conversation. Be patient: Even if she doesn't believe you initially, having someone like you who genuinely cares could help her down the road. Sometimes people need time to process things before they’re ready to accept help. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in your conversation with Rebecca!

a month ago

940

It's commendable that you care so much about Rebecca and are considering how to approach her in what seems to be a delicate situation. Here are some comprehensive suggestions on how to communicate your concerns effectively:

1. Approach with Empathy and Non-Judgment

Start your conversation by acknowledging Rebecca's feelings. This sets a supportive tone and makes her more likely to be receptive. You might say:

"Hey Rebecca, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks. I know how much this relationship means to you, and I can see how invested you are in it."

2. Share Your Concerns Gently

After expressing your support, gently introduce your concerns. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory:

"I’ve noticed some things that raised concerns for me, and I wanted to share them because I care about your well-being. I’ve done some research, and I’m worried that the person you’re talking to might not be who he says he is."

3. Provide Gentle Facts

Share your findings in a calm and factual manner. This part can be tricky, as you want to ensure she doesn't feel attacked:

"For example, I found out that the man you’ve been speaking with seems to be using someone else’s pictures, and he’s not actually in the military. I understand how much you want this to be real, but sometimes these situations can be misleading."

4. Offer Support

Reassure her that your intention is to help. This will show her that you genuinely care:

"I know you’ve been through so much already, and I really want to help you. If you need someone to talk to or if you’d like, I can help you pack up your ex’s things. I’m here for you."

5. Leave the Door Open

It's important to give her space after sharing your concerns. Let her know that you’re available for support whenever she’s ready:

"I know this might be hard to hear, and I understand if you don’t want to believe it right now. I just want you to stay safe, and I’ll be here for you no matter what. If you ever want to talk more, please don’t hesitate to reach out."

6. Final Thoughts

Timing is Important: Understand that she might not be ready to hear your concerns immediately. Your words might take time to resonate with her.
Respect Her Autonomy: Ultimately, the decision is hers. Be prepared to support her emotionally, regardless of her choices.
Safety First: Since Rebecca has a history of an abusive relationship, ensure your conversation is not overwhelming. Prioritize her comfort and well-being.
Be Patient: Even if she initially dismisses your concerns, having someone like you who genuinely cares could be invaluable to her later on.

Approaching this situation with kindness and understanding can make all the difference. You're doing a great job by considering her feelings and well-being, and I wish you the best of luck in your conversation with Rebecca!

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