Durward Kate

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I (28M) have been in a relationship with my fiancée (24F) for five years. We’ve been through a lot, and I proposed to her during our second year. Things were great, but in August, I helped her land a new job that paid well, and we started looking forward to buying a house. At this job, she met someone, "AP" (34M), and they initially became friends, playing games online. Eventually, they started meeting in person. I was with them in August and part of September, but by mid-September, they began spending time alone. I voiced my concerns, but she reassured me there was nothing going on, and I trusted her. However, on September 26th, I came home early to find she had invited him over without telling me. I asked her to have him leave, but she dismissed my concerns. Later that night, I heard giggling and kissing noises coming from the room. At first, I tried to brush it off, but eventually, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I walked in on them, and she claimed it was sexual assault but didn’t follow through with any action about it. Five days later, on October 1st, she admitted that she had enjoyed kissing him, liked his company, and felt more for him than just friendship. She also told me she had been unhappy with me for the past three years. For context, I’ve been under a lot of stress from working two jobs, handling most of the household chores, and trying to maintain our relationship. I know I’ve been moody at times, but I always tried to explain that it was due to stress, and I didn’t feel supported. After everything, I moved out to give us space, and I told her I wasn’t seeing anyone and needed time to heal. I told her if she wanted to explore things with AP, she could, but she refused and kept trying to manipulate me into coming back. We kept dating and talking every day. In October, she reconnected with him, and I ended things immediately. In November, I thought things were improving, and I started trusting her again. But by December, I found out she was staying at his place and dating him again. I ended the relationship for good. Now, I feel lost. My whole vision of life was to have a good job, a house, a wife, and children, but everything feels empty now. I’ve been going to the gym since October, but I’m starting to lose motivation, even though I know it’s good for me. I’ve never tried therapy or counseling, and I’m not sure if what I’m feeling can be addressed through those sessions. If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate any advice or guidance. Suggested Response (Paraphrased): Acknowledge the hurt: It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot emotionally, and it’s okay to feel lost after such a painful experience. A relationship built on trust and shared goals can make it especially difficult when things unravel. "It sounds like you’ve been through a tough time, and it’s completely understandable that you're feeling lost and confused. Going through betrayal, especially after such a long time together, can really shake you up." Focus on healing: Moving forward, it's important to focus on your own healing and well-being. You don’t need to rush the process, and it’s okay to take time for yourself. Therapy could be a valuable option, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed. "Healing will take time, and that’s okay. Therapy or counseling could really help guide you through this, especially when it comes to processing the emotional and psychological toll it’s taken on you. Having a safe space to talk about your feelings might offer more clarity and direction for you." Re-evaluate your goals: It’s natural to feel like you’ve lost your sense of direction after a relationship like this. Take some time to reflect on what you want out of life moving forward. Your vision of a happy life might change as you heal and discover new aspects of yourself. "Your goals might shift as you heal, and that’s totally normal. It’s okay to re-evaluate what you truly want in life. You’ve already shown a lot of strength by working on yourself, like going to the gym. Now, take the time to explore what makes you happy beyond the relationship." Focus on self-care: It sounds like you’ve been putting a lot of effort into caring for others, but now it’s time to prioritize your own well-being. Continue with activities that support your health and consider exploring new things that bring you joy. "Self-care is crucial now. Continue with the gym if it feels good, but also consider trying new activities that might give you a sense of fulfillment. It’s all about building a routine that centers on you." Give yourself space: There’s no rush to move on or figure everything out right away. Let yourself grieve, but also recognize that there’s a brighter future ahead. "Allow yourself to grieve the loss of this relationship. You’ve invested a lot in it, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. But also trust that as time passes, you’ll regain your sense of self and the future will start to look clearer." Final Thoughts: Take time to heal: It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Healing takes time, and therapy or counseling can be really helpful as you process the pain from this relationship. Rebuild for yourself: Moving forward, focus on rebuilding your life for you first. Take the time to explore your own needs and desires, free from the expectations you may have had with her. Consider counseling: Therapy could provide an outlet for you to unpack your feelings and move toward emotional recovery. Practice patience: Give yourself the grace to take this one step at a time. Healing from this kind of betrayal is difficult, but with time and support, you’ll find your way. I hope this helps, and I wish you strength as you navigate this difficult period!