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"My boyfriend and I had a disagreement because he went out with his friends to a bar and didn’t tell me. I know he goes out every Friday, and I’ve never had a problem with it, but what bothered me is that he was posting stories on Snapchat and didn’t let me know where he was. It just felt like he could share where he was with others but not with me. So, I got mad and texted him asking where he was. He replied on Sunday, explaining that he was so drunk he didn’t text me and apologized. I was still upset, and my last message to him was really harsh. I even considered blocking him on iMessage and taking a few days off from talking to him. Now, I’m wondering if I’m being petty or overreacting. What should I do next? Should I reach out again or just leave things as they are?"

a month ago
36

It's completely understandable to feel upset in this situation. Communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and it seems like there was a breakdown in that regard. Here are some thoughts to consider moving forward:

Acknowledge Your Feelings:

Your feelings are valid. It’s natural to feel hurt when someone you care about seems to prioritize sharing their experiences with others over communicating with you. Your boyfriend's choice to post on Snapchat without informing you may have felt like a lack of consideration or respect for your relationship. Recognizing that your feelings are justified can help you process the situation more clearly.

Reflect on the Situation:

Before reaching out, take some time to reflect on the disagreement. Ask yourself questions like:

  • What specifically upset you about his actions?
  • Was it the secrecy, the timing, or the way he communicated?
  • Have there been other instances where you felt similarly?

This reflection can help clarify your feelings and prepare you for a constructive conversation.

Consider the Apology:

Your boyfriend's response, where he apologized for not texting you, indicates that he acknowledges his mistake. Although he may have been drunk and unable to communicate, it’s important to recognize that he did take responsibility for his actions. This is a positive sign in understanding his perspective.

Plan a Calm Conversation:

If you decide to reach out, aim for a calm and open conversation. You might say something like:

"Hey [Boyfriend's Name], I’ve been thinking about our conversation and I realize I reacted strongly. I’d like to talk about how I felt when I saw your Snapchat stories without knowing where you were. Can we chat?"

This approach shows that you’re willing to communicate and resolve the issue rather than letting it fester.

Set Boundaries and Expectations:

During your conversation, it could be helpful to discuss boundaries and expectations regarding communication when either of you goes out. For example, you might agree that a quick text letting each other know where you are can help avoid misunderstandings in the future.

. Avoid the Impulse to Block:

Blocking him may provide temporary relief, but it could also escalate the situation or lead to further misunderstandings. Instead, consider taking a little time to cool off if needed, but keep the lines of communication open. A brief pause might help you both gather your thoughts.

Evaluate Your Relationship:

Finally, use this experience as a moment to evaluate your relationship. Are there recurring issues that need to be addressed? Open communication about feelings and concerns is crucial for a healthy relationship. If you find that you often feel overlooked or unappreciated, it may be worth discussing these patterns with him.

In conclusion, it's not petty or overreacting to feel the way you do. The key is how you choose to move forward. Taking a thoughtful approach to communication can help both of you understand each other better and strengthen your relationship.

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