It sounds like you’re navigating a really complicated emotional situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel confused and hurt. Here’s a breakdown of what you might consider doing moving forward:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, and even angry after someone has treated you poorly. Allow yourself to process these emotions instead of pushing them aside. Journaling can be a great way to articulate your thoughts and feelings.

2. Understand His Behavior

His comment about being “retarded” is not only hurtful but also reflects a lack of respect. This kind of language is not acceptable in any context. If he has a girlfriend, his flirtation with you and other girls might indicate insecurity or a desire for attention rather than genuine interest. It’s essential to recognize that his actions are more about him than they are about you.

3. Stop the Jealousy Games

While trying to make him jealous might seem like a way to regain control, it often leads to more confusion and hurt feelings. Instead of focusing on how to make him notice you, consider focusing on your own well-being. Engaging in this behavior can prolong your emotional distress.

4. Focus on Yourself

Redirect your energy towards self-improvement and self-care. Here are some activities to consider:

• Explore New Hobbies: Engage in activities that excite you, whether it’s art, sports, or reading. This can help you meet new people and distract you from your current feelings.
• Spend Time with Friends: Surround yourself with supportive friends who can lift your spirits. Share your feelings with them; they can offer comfort and perspective.
• Practice Mindfulness: Techniques such as meditation or yoga can help you center your thoughts and reduce anxiety.

5. Consider Moving On

It’s clear that you’re still emotionally attached to him, but you mentioned that your feelings for others disappear. This might be due to lingering feelings for this guy. It’s okay to take time to heal before jumping into a new relationship. Focus on building a life that you love, and the right person will come along when you’re ready.

6. Reflect on What You Want

Take some time to think about what you truly want in a relationship. Do you want someone who respects you and communicates openly? Reflecting on these qualities can help you identify potential partners who align more closely with your values.

7. Seek Closure

If you feel comfortable, consider writing him a letter (even if you don’t send it). Express how his words affected you and what you wish could have been different. This can be a cathartic way of gaining closure without needing a response from him.

8. Professional Support

If these feelings continue to overwhelm you, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist. They can provide you with tools to manage your emotions and help you navigate relationships more effectively.

In conclusion, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional health and well-being. Relationships can be complicated, but focusing on yourself and your happiness will ultimately lead you to the right connections in the future. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.