It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, both physically and emotionally. The transition to motherhood, especially after a traumatic birth experience, can be overwhelming. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and seeking support is crucial during this period. Here are some key points to consider:

Understanding Your Experience

Giving birth, particularly through a C-section, can have long-lasting effects on both your body and mental health. The trauma you experienced, combined with the stress of adjusting to life with two young children, can lead to feelings of exhaustion and frustration. It's perfectly normal to feel out of control and to need time to heal.

Addressing Your Husband's Behavior

Your husband's criticisms about your appearance and his dismissive attitude towards your feelings are concerning. It’s essential to communicate that his comments are hurtful, especially during a time when you are already feeling vulnerable. For example:

• Express Your Feelings: Use "I" statements to express how his words affect you. For instance, you might say, "I feel hurt when you say I don’t look good because I’m trying my best to cope with everything." This approach can help him understand your perspective without making him feel attacked.
• Set Boundaries: Let him know that while you want to support him, it’s important for him to be supportive of you as well. You could say, "I understand you have your struggles, but I also need your support during this time." This sets a mutual expectation of care.

Recognizing His Inconsistency

It's confusing and painful to feel like you are both a source of support and a burden at different times. This inconsistency can be indicative of his own struggles with mental health or stress. Consider discussing how his behavior affects you:

• Identify Patterns: If he tends to lash out when stressed, you might say, "I notice that when you're feeling overwhelmed, you tend to take it out on me. I want to help, but I need you to communicate better about what you need." This can help him reflect on his actions.
• Encourage Open Communication: Suggest having a calm conversation about your feelings and his expectations. You could propose setting aside time each week to discuss how both of you are feeling, which may help alleviate misunderstandings.

Focusing on Self-Care

As you navigate this difficult time, prioritizing your own self-care is crucial. Here are some strategies to consider:

• Seek Professional Help: Therapy can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and gain insights into your situation. A therapist can also help your husband understand the impact of his behavior.
• Connect with Support Groups: Joining a support group for new mothers can help you feel less isolated. Sharing experiences with others who understand your struggles can be incredibly validating.
• Set Realistic Goals: Focus on small, achievable goals for your health and well-being. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remember that your worth is not defined by your appearance.

Conclusion

It's essential to recognize that both you and your husband are going through a significant transition. Open, honest communication, along with mutual support, can help you both navigate this challenging time. Remember, you are not alone in this, and seeking help is a strong and positive step forward.

Take care of yourself, and know that it's okay to ask for the support you need.