It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation in your relationship, where communication styles and expectations are clashing. Here are some thoughts and strategies that might help you navigate this issue.

Understanding the Root of the Issue

Your spouse's reaction may stem from a deep-seated need for transparency and communication in the relationship. When she perceives a lack of communication, she might interpret it as a breach of trust, leading her to accuse you of lying. This is often referred to as lying by omission, where someone believes that not sharing information is equivalent to dishonesty.

Clarifying Intentions

It's crucial to emphasize that your intention is not to deceive her. You mentioned that sometimes you forget to share details or need time to process information. It might be helpful to express this more explicitly. For example, you could say:

• "I want you to know that when I don't share something right away, it's not because I'm trying to hide it from you. Sometimes I just need time to think about it."

Setting Communication Expectations

It may be beneficial to establish mutual expectations around communication. Consider having a conversation about how and when you both prefer to discuss important matters. For instance:

• "Can we agree that if something significant happens, we will both discuss it within a few days? This way, we can both process things without feeling rushed or pressured."

Using "I" Statements

When discussing your feelings, try to use "I" statements to reduce defensiveness. Instead of saying, "You always call me a liar," you might say:

• "I feel hurt and frustrated when I am accused of lying because I value honesty and transparency in our relationship."

Seeking Professional Help

If this pattern continues and communication remains strained, it might be beneficial to seek the help of a couples therapist. A professional can facilitate conversations and help both of you understand each other's perspectives better. Therapy can provide tools for improving communication and resolving conflicts.

Reflecting on Your Communication Style

Consider reflecting on your communication style as well. Are there specific situations where you tend to forget to share information? Keeping a journal or setting reminders for yourself to discuss important events could help bridge this gap. For example:

• "After an event, I'll take a moment to jot down a few key points I want to share with you later."

Conclusion

Ultimately, maintaining open lines of communication is key to resolving this issue. It requires patience and empathy from both sides. By expressing your feelings, working together on communication strategies, and possibly seeking external support, you can foster a healthier dialogue that reduces misunderstandings and strengthens your relationship.