I’m 24 (female) and my partner is 28 (male). We’ve been together for a little over a year, but there’s something that’s been bothering me, and I’m struggling to shake it off. It feels silly, but I can’t stop thinking about it. My partner frequently uses the word “skinny” when describing women. He’ll say things like “tiny,” “skinny,” or “small,” but he never uses those words for men. I’ve asked him before why he always describes women this way instead of mentioning other things, like their hair color or skin tone, and he hasn’t really given a clear answer. For me, this is a sensitive issue. I’m a thicker woman, and my family has always praised being slim or skinny, so when my partner mentions “skinny” women, it feels like he’s focusing on something about them that stands out to him, something he might prefer. He insists it’s harmless, but I’ve expressed how this triggers me. Why does he do this? Is there a deeper reason behind it, or am I overthinking it? Advice: It’s understandable that you’re feeling this way, especially considering the personal significance your body type has for you due to your family’s influence. The fact that your partner consistently uses "skinny" to describe women, without offering other descriptive traits, can understandably make you feel like that’s something he values, perhaps more than other aspects of their appearance. It’s important to note that people sometimes have certain patterns of speech or ways of noticing features that may not necessarily reflect a deeper meaning, but more of a habitual tendency. Your partner might not realize how his words are affecting you, even though you’ve expressed your feelings. He may see these comments as neutral or even positive, without understanding that they make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. As for the idea of whether you’re overanalyzing: it’s not silly to be affected by something that triggers you emotionally. Your feelings are valid. It’s also important that you continue to express your thoughts and feelings to him, and ask for clarity on why he focuses so much on physical descriptions when talking about women. If this is a consistent pattern, it’s worth having a deeper conversation about it, especially if it makes you feel undervalued or insecure. You might also want to explore ways to talk about the specific impact this has on you, focusing on how it makes you feel rather than solely focusing on what he’s saying. This could help open up a more empathetic conversation, where he might better understand your perspective. If this continues to be a concern and causes distress, it might be worth discussing how you can both be mindful of how body types are discussed in your relationship, and work towards a more balanced way of appreciating each other’s individual traits without focusing so heavily on appearance.

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Madison Bazza

I’m 24 (female) and my partner is 28 (male). We’ve been together for a little over a year, but there’s something that’s been bothering me, and I’m struggling to shake it off. It feels silly, but I can’t stop thinking about it. My partner frequently uses the word “skinny” when describing women. He’ll say things like “tiny,” “skinny,” or “small,” but he never uses those words for men. I’ve asked him before why he always describes women this way instead of mentioning other things, like their hair color or skin tone, and he hasn’t really given a clear answer. For me, this is a sensitive issue. I’m a thicker woman, and my family has always praised being slim or skinny, so when my partner mentions “skinny” women, it feels like he’s focusing on something about them that stands out to him, something he might prefer. He insists it’s harmless, but I’ve expressed how this triggers me. Why does he do this? Is there a deeper reason behind it, or am I overthinking it? Advice: It’s understandable that you’re feeling this way, especially considering the personal significance your body type has for you due to your family’s influence. The fact that your partner consistently uses "skinny" to describe women, without offering other descriptive traits, can understandably make you feel like that’s something he values, perhaps more than other aspects of their appearance. It’s important to note that people sometimes have certain patterns of speech or ways of noticing features that may not necessarily reflect a deeper meaning, but more of a habitual tendency. Your partner might not realize how his words are affecting you, even though you’ve expressed your feelings. He may see these comments as neutral or even positive, without understanding that they make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. As for the idea of whether you’re overanalyzing: it’s not silly to be affected by something that triggers you emotionally. Your feelings are valid. It’s also important that you continue to express your thoughts and feelings to him, and ask for clarity on why he focuses so much on physical descriptions when talking about women. If this is a consistent pattern, it’s worth having a deeper conversation about it, especially if it makes you feel undervalued or insecure. You might also want to explore ways to talk about the specific impact this has on you, focusing on how it makes you feel rather than solely focusing on what he’s saying. This could help open up a more empathetic conversation, where he might better understand your perspective. If this continues to be a concern and causes distress, it might be worth discussing how you can both be mindful of how body types are discussed in your relationship, and work towards a more balanced way of appreciating each other’s individual traits without focusing so heavily on appearance.

a month ago

It's completely valid to feel unsettled by your partner's consistent use of terms like "skinny" when describing women, especially given your personal history and the context surrounding body image in your family. Your feelings stem from a deeper emotional connection to how body types are perceived and valued, which can understandably lead to insecurities when you hear your partner highlight a specific body type.

Firstly, it's essential to recognize that language shapes our perceptions and can influence how we feel about ourselves. When your partner refers to women using descriptors like "skinny," it may send a subconscious message that aligns with societal beauty standards that often prioritize slimness. This can be particularly triggering for you as a thicker woman, given your background and the praise you've received for being slim from your family. The emphasis on "skinny" could feel like a preference being highlighted, which might make you question your partner's attraction to you or his values regarding body image.

In many discussions about body image, it's common for people to gravitate toward certain descriptors based on societal norms or personal habits. For instance, your partner may not consciously realize that he avoids using similar terms for men or that his choice of words might appear biased. He might view these terms as neutral or even complimentary, without realizing the impact they have on you. This suggests a need for more open communication between you two.

Consider addressing this with your partner again, focusing on how his words make you feel rather than accusing him of being insensitive. For example, you could say:

"When you describe women as 'skinny,' it makes me feel insecure about my own body because I have always been told that being slim is ideal. I would appreciate it if we could discuss women in a way that doesn't emphasize body type as much."

This approach allows you to express your feelings without putting him on the defensive, which can help foster a more empathetic dialogue.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to explore other attributes that can be highlighted when discussing women. Suggest focusing on qualities such as:

Personality traits (e.g., "She's really funny" or "She's incredibly kind")
Skills or talents (e.g., "She has an amazing voice" or "She's a brilliant artist")
Style or creativity (e.g., "She has a great sense of fashion" or "I love how she expresses herself through her art")

This shift in focus can help create a more balanced conversation about women that doesn't center solely on physical appearance.

Furthermore, if this continues to be a source of discomfort, consider discussing how both of you can be more mindful of body image discussions in your relationship. Setting mutual expectations about how to talk about bodies and appearance can foster a healthier dialogue and help both of you feel more secure in your relationship.

Ultimately, it's about creating a safe space where both of you can express your feelings and preferences without fear of judgment. Your feelings are valid, and addressing them can not only help you feel more secure but also strengthen the communication and understanding in your relationship.

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