Jerilyn Marian

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I (18F) was in a year-long relationship with this guy (18M), and he was the first person I really trusted. I felt like he understood me and genuinely cared for me. However, our relationship started facing issues when my parents became stricter about me leaving the house, and we couldn’t hang out as much. Most of our communication shifted to texting and calling, which became difficult for him, and we began arguing more often. Eventually, we broke up. He kept saying that he wanted to get back together in the future once my parents eased up on me a bit, and I trusted him, especially when he promised it on the lives of his loved ones. But during this time, I noticed a lot of changes in him. He started listening to the same music I liked (even though he’d never liked it before), changed his style to match mine, hit the gym every day, and tried to build a social media presence when he’d previously been low-key and thought posting was cringe. He even started posting pictures of his body progress. He told me it was all to be the best version of himself for when we got back together. He also tried to convince me there was nothing wrong with random girls following him on Instagram, despite his thirst trap photos. But when I posted similar things, he would accuse me of seeking attention. I questioned why he was changing so much, and he told me it was all for me. But then, out of nowhere, he told me he wanted to go no contact and that he wasn’t interested in getting back together in the future anymore. He said this was a decision he had to make for his growth, and no one else was influencing him. I checked his Instagram out of curiosity and saw he was following a bunch of girls and posting more thirst traps. To summarize, my ex led me on for months, telling me he was trying to improve himself for our future, but really, he was just trying to attract other people. He kept me around as an option, making me believe there was a future while he explored other possibilities. The person I thought he was is completely gone. I feel manipulated and heartbroken, and I want to move on from him, but it’s hard. He was someone I trusted deeply, and now I’m afraid he’s ruined that trust. I’m already working on rebuilding my confidence by focusing on my hobbies and spending time with friends. I’ve blocked him on social media to stop myself from stalking him. But I need something reassuring to tell myself to help me get through this. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. Advice: It’s completely understandable to feel heartbroken and confused after someone you trusted manipulated you in this way. Here are a few key thoughts to guide you as you work through this: Acknowledge Your Strength: Recognizing that he manipulated you is a huge step in healing. The fact that you’re already focusing on rebuilding your confidence, engaging in hobbies, and spending time with your friends shows your strength and resilience. You’re taking control of your own life and future, which is something to be proud of. Focus on Yourself: You’re doing the right thing by dedicating time to personal growth. Continue to engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, whether it’s through hobbies, fitness, or spending time with loved ones. These things will not only help you regain your confidence but will also remind you that you are worthy of healthy love and respect. Cutting Ties is Key: Blocking him was a smart decision, as it helps prevent the temptation of checking in on him. Staying in contact with someone who hurt you, especially when they’re not treating you the way you deserve, only prolongs the healing process. Remind yourself that the more space you give yourself from him, the better you’ll feel in the long run. Trust Yourself: Trusting him was not a mistake. You gave him the benefit of the doubt because you believed in the person you thought he was. What he did to you was not your fault, and you should not blame yourself for his manipulative behavior. Now that you know who he truly is, it’s important to trust yourself to make better choices moving forward and to never settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Remind Yourself of Your Worth: Write down affirmations or reminders of your value. You are deserving of honesty, respect, and love, and there is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are, not try to manipulate you into fitting their agenda. His behavior says everything about him and nothing about you. Time Will Heal: It’s painful right now, and it’s okay to grieve. The healing process takes time, but with each passing day, you will grow stronger and more confident in yourself. Focus on your journey of self-love and self-care, and remember that this is a chapter in your life that will eventually become part of your past, not your future. You’ve already shown incredible resilience by taking action and focusing on your own well-being. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve someone who values you for who you truly are, and trust that the right person will come along when you’re ready. You've got this!