I (22F) recently made a move on a guy, James (19M), that I was really attracted to during one of my university lectures. We had been texting and talking after class for a few weeks before I expressed that I thought he was cool and was interested in getting to know him. He told me he appreciated it, but he had a girlfriend, which I kind of expected, but it still hurt. About a week later, I got a call from my close friend Carlie, whose boyfriend plays on the same basketball team as James. Carlie told me that the guys on the team have a group chat on Instagram, and James had shared a screenshot of our conversation in that chat. Apparently, one of the guys (Andrew) took a screenshot of my social media and asked the group if they knew me, which was confusing and honestly infuriating, as I didn’t know Andrew at all. Carlie said James shared our text exchange with the group after Andrew asked about me. Carlie also mentioned that some of the guys started following me on social media, trying to see if I’d follow back, and they joked about the whole thing. I ended up calling Brian, a guy I had been seeing in the past and remained friends with, who also plays on the team. Brian told me that James had approached him during practice and showed him the texts between us. I asked Brian if they were friends, and he told me they weren’t, but James started talking to him because another teammate told James that Brian knew me. Brian also told me that James lied about having a girlfriend when he rejected me. I was beyond frustrated because I had no idea why James felt the need to embarrass me like that. I ended up blocking him and most of his teammates on social media because of how inappropriate and disrespectful the whole situation was. I’m really trying to understand why a guy would go so far as to share personal conversations and gossip about someone he barely knows. Their group chat has almost 20 guys in it, and now my name is out there, and I feel like they’ll never take me seriously or respect me. I’m even considering confronting James, but I’m not sure how to approach it or if it’s worth my time, considering he did this behind my back thinking I wouldn’t find out. Any insight would be appreciated, especially from guys who know how men think. I just don’t understand the motivation behind his actions. Answer: It sounds like you're dealing with a frustrating and upsetting situation. Let me break it down from a few different angles: The Need for Validation: In some cases, guys (especially young men like James) might act this way to seek validation from their peers. Sharing personal information or texts, particularly in a group chat, can give them a sense of importance or boost their status within a group. The more attention or laughter they get from others, the more validated they might feel, even if it’s at your expense. It’s possible James was looking for approval or recognition from his teammates, not realizing (or caring) how disrespectful his actions were to you. Peer Pressure & Group Dynamics: It’s common for guys to act differently when they’re in a group, especially in a close-knit setting like a sports team. Peer pressure can make someone act in ways they wouldn’t normally when they’re alone. It could be that James didn’t even think about how his actions would affect you, as he was likely thinking more about his image in the group. Insecurity & Misguided Attention: James may also have been insecure. Sometimes, when a guy feels flattered by attention, he might exaggerate or share the situation to get recognition or admiration from others. He might have seen your interest as a way to boost his ego, especially if he's not secure in his relationship or self-image. This doesn’t justify his actions, but it could help explain why he felt comfortable sharing your texts. Why Did He Lie About His Relationship? The fact that James lied about having a girlfriend is problematic in itself. It suggests that he may have been trying to avoid responsibility or a potentially awkward situation. If he had told you the truth, you might not have approached him the way you did, and he may have felt that sharing his personal life would make things even more complicated. Sometimes, people lie because they’re trying to protect themselves from potential consequences or uncomfortable situations. Your Next Steps: You have every right to feel frustrated, and blocking him on social media is a good first step in protecting your boundaries. As for confronting James, it’s understandable to want to hold him accountable for his actions. If you do choose to confront him, I’d suggest staying calm and clear about how his actions made you feel, without getting drawn into an argument or retaliation. You don’t owe him an explanation for why you were interested, and you certainly don’t deserve to be disrespected by him or anyone else. Moving Forward: Going forward, it’s important to remember that this situation reflects more on James and his lack of respect than it does on you. His need to gossip and share personal information for the sake of validation says a lot about his maturity and character, and it’s not something you need to internalize. If you’re feeling disrespected, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself from people who don’t value you. You deserve respect, and any future interactions with people like James should be met with clear boundaries. Ultimately, this experience has shown you how immature and thoughtless some people can be, but it also highlights your worth—something that James clearly didn’t understand. Trust that this situation doesn’t define who you are or how you should be treated moving forward.

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Houston Caitlyn

I (22F) recently made a move on a guy, James (19M), that I was really attracted to during one of my university lectures. We had been texting and talking after class for a few weeks before I expressed that I thought he was cool and was interested in getting to know him. He told me he appreciated it, but he had a girlfriend, which I kind of expected, but it still hurt. About a week later, I got a call from my close friend Carlie, whose boyfriend plays on the same basketball team as James. Carlie told me that the guys on the team have a group chat on Instagram, and James had shared a screenshot of our conversation in that chat. Apparently, one of the guys (Andrew) took a screenshot of my social media and asked the group if they knew me, which was confusing and honestly infuriating, as I didn’t know Andrew at all. Carlie said James shared our text exchange with the group after Andrew asked about me. Carlie also mentioned that some of the guys started following me on social media, trying to see if I’d follow back, and they joked about the whole thing. I ended up calling Brian, a guy I had been seeing in the past and remained friends with, who also plays on the team. Brian told me that James had approached him during practice and showed him the texts between us. I asked Brian if they were friends, and he told me they weren’t, but James started talking to him because another teammate told James that Brian knew me. Brian also told me that James lied about having a girlfriend when he rejected me. I was beyond frustrated because I had no idea why James felt the need to embarrass me like that. I ended up blocking him and most of his teammates on social media because of how inappropriate and disrespectful the whole situation was. I’m really trying to understand why a guy would go so far as to share personal conversations and gossip about someone he barely knows. Their group chat has almost 20 guys in it, and now my name is out there, and I feel like they’ll never take me seriously or respect me. I’m even considering confronting James, but I’m not sure how to approach it or if it’s worth my time, considering he did this behind my back thinking I wouldn’t find out. Any insight would be appreciated, especially from guys who know how men think. I just don’t understand the motivation behind his actions. Answer: It sounds like you're dealing with a frustrating and upsetting situation. Let me break it down from a few different angles: The Need for Validation: In some cases, guys (especially young men like James) might act this way to seek validation from their peers. Sharing personal information or texts, particularly in a group chat, can give them a sense of importance or boost their status within a group. The more attention or laughter they get from others, the more validated they might feel, even if it’s at your expense. It’s possible James was looking for approval or recognition from his teammates, not realizing (or caring) how disrespectful his actions were to you. Peer Pressure & Group Dynamics: It’s common for guys to act differently when they’re in a group, especially in a close-knit setting like a sports team. Peer pressure can make someone act in ways they wouldn’t normally when they’re alone. It could be that James didn’t even think about how his actions would affect you, as he was likely thinking more about his image in the group. Insecurity & Misguided Attention: James may also have been insecure. Sometimes, when a guy feels flattered by attention, he might exaggerate or share the situation to get recognition or admiration from others. He might have seen your interest as a way to boost his ego, especially if he's not secure in his relationship or self-image. This doesn’t justify his actions, but it could help explain why he felt comfortable sharing your texts. Why Did He Lie About His Relationship? The fact that James lied about having a girlfriend is problematic in itself. It suggests that he may have been trying to avoid responsibility or a potentially awkward situation. If he had told you the truth, you might not have approached him the way you did, and he may have felt that sharing his personal life would make things even more complicated. Sometimes, people lie because they’re trying to protect themselves from potential consequences or uncomfortable situations. Your Next Steps: You have every right to feel frustrated, and blocking him on social media is a good first step in protecting your boundaries. As for confronting James, it’s understandable to want to hold him accountable for his actions. If you do choose to confront him, I’d suggest staying calm and clear about how his actions made you feel, without getting drawn into an argument or retaliation. You don’t owe him an explanation for why you were interested, and you certainly don’t deserve to be disrespected by him or anyone else. Moving Forward: Going forward, it’s important to remember that this situation reflects more on James and his lack of respect than it does on you. His need to gossip and share personal information for the sake of validation says a lot about his maturity and character, and it’s not something you need to internalize. If you’re feeling disrespected, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself from people who don’t value you. You deserve respect, and any future interactions with people like James should be met with clear boundaries. Ultimately, this experience has shown you how immature and thoughtless some people can be, but it also highlights your worth—something that James clearly didn’t understand. Trust that this situation doesn’t define who you are or how you should be treated moving forward.

a month ago

It sounds like you're dealing with a frustrating and upsetting situation. Let me break it down from a few different angles:

The Need for Validation

In some cases, guys (especially young men like James) might act this way to seek validation from their peers. Sharing personal information or texts, particularly in a group chat, can give them a sense of importance or boost their status within a group. The more attention or laughter they get from others, the more validated they might feel, even if it’s at your expense. It’s possible James was looking for approval or recognition from his teammates, not realizing (or caring) how disrespectful his actions were to you.

Peer Pressure & Group Dynamics

It’s common for guys to act differently when they’re in a group, especially in a close-knit setting like a sports team. Peer pressure can make someone act in ways they wouldn’t normally when they’re alone. It could be that James didn’t even think about how his actions would affect you, as he was likely thinking more about his image in the group.

Insecurity & Misguided Attention

James may also have been insecure. Sometimes, when a guy feels flattered by attention, he might exaggerate or share the situation to get recognition or admiration from others. He might have seen your interest as a way to boost his ego, especially if he's not secure in his relationship or self-image. This doesn’t justify his actions, but it could help explain why he felt comfortable sharing your texts.

Why Did He Lie About His Relationship?

The fact that James lied about having a girlfriend is problematic in itself. It suggests that he may have been trying to avoid responsibility or a potentially awkward situation. If he had told you the truth, you might not have approached him the way you did, and he may have felt that sharing his personal life would make things even more complicated. Sometimes, people lie because they’re trying to protect themselves from potential consequences or uncomfortable situations.

Your Next Steps

You have every right to feel frustrated, and blocking him on social media is a good first step in protecting your boundaries. As for confronting James, it’s understandable to want to hold him accountable for his actions. If you do choose to confront him, I’d suggest staying calm and clear about how his actions made you feel, without getting drawn into an argument or retaliation. You don’t owe him an explanation for why you were interested, and you certainly don’t deserve to be disrespected by him or anyone else.

Moving Forward

Going forward, it’s important to remember that this situation reflects more on James and his lack of respect than it does on you. His need to gossip and share personal information for the sake of validation says a lot about his maturity and character, and it’s not something you need to internalize. If you’re feeling disrespected, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself from people who don’t value you. You deserve respect, and any future interactions with people like James should be met with clear boundaries.

Ultimately, this experience has shown you how immature and thoughtless some people can be, but it also highlights your worth—something that James clearly didn’t understand. Trust that this situation doesn’t define who you are or how you should be treated moving forward.

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