It sounds like you're facing a deeply challenging situation in your marriage, and it's completely valid to feel uncertain about your next steps. Relationships can evolve, and sometimes the dynamics shift in ways that can lead to feelings of frustration, disconnection, and even disillusionment. Let's break down some of the key aspects of your situation and explore potential paths forward.

1. Understanding Your Feelings:

It's entirely possible to feel a change in your emotional state towards your partner, especially when the dynamics of the relationship shift. Falling out of love can happen gradually as you notice unmet needs and emotional disconnects. Your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step toward understanding what you want moving forward.

2. The Caretaker vs. Partner Dynamic:

The shift to a caretaker role can be exhausting and can lead to resentment. You mentioned that your husband relies on you for many decisions and tasks. This dependency can create an imbalance in the relationship, making you feel more like a parent than a partner. For example, when he expects you to handle simple tasks or decisions (like setting a locker password or deciding about keys), it reinforces this dynamic. Reflecting on how this impacts your emotional well-being is crucial.

3. Communication Challenges:

You’ve attempted to express your feelings, but it appears your concerns have not been met with understanding. This dismissal of your feelings can be particularly hurtful. It may be beneficial to engage in a calm, structured conversation where you can express your needs clearly and without blame. Using "I" statements can help; for instance: "I feel overwhelmed when I have to make decisions for both of us, and I would love for us to share that responsibility."

4. Exploring Independence:

Your desire for your husband to become more independent is not unreasonable. Independence is a critical component of a healthy relationship. You might suggest small steps he can take to build his confidence in handling decisions and tasks on his own. For instance, encouraging him to manage his own schedule or make simple decisions when you're out together could help foster a sense of autonomy.

5. Seeking Professional Help:

Considering couples therapy might be a beneficial step. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work on communication strategies. This could help your husband understand the impact of his behavior on your feelings and encourage him to take steps toward independence.

6. Evaluating Your Relationship:

As your husband searches for a new place and you handle the logistics, take this time to reflect on what you truly want. Ask yourself questions like: What do I want in a partnership? Is this relationship meeting my emotional and practical needs? Can I envision a future with him that feels fulfilling? It’s important to consider whether the relationship can evolve into a healthier dynamic or if it’s time to prioritize your own well-being.

7. Conclusion:

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave should come from a place of self-awareness and understanding of your needs. Relationships require effort from both partners, and if that effort is one-sided, it may lead to ongoing dissatisfaction. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family, and consider seeking counseling for yourself to navigate these complex feelings.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being. Taking time to reflect on your feelings and discussing them openly with your husband can lead to greater clarity for both of you.