I’m a 31-year-old woman, and I’ve recently found myself in a tough spot involving both my partner and my closest friend. I met my boyfriend about four months ago, and he’s been incredible—he’s made my life so much better after years in a toxic relationship where I was constantly walking on eggshells. Now, with him, I feel safe and supported as I heal from those past wounds. While no relationship is perfect, we’ve had some disagreements, like one we had over Christmas. But we were able to talk things through, recognize where we needed to improve, and move forward together. The problem is, my closest friend, who hasn’t met him, is convinced that he’s a narcissist and is using me. She even claims that he’s isolating me from my friends and that he’s still on Tinder. My friend is going through a messy divorce, and I’ve been supporting her through it, since I’ve been through my own tough breakups and custody battles. She’s back with the man who ended her marriage and says she’s in love with him. But now, the only time she reaches out to me is either for divorce advice or to tell me I should break up with my boyfriend. Recently, she sent me a message claiming that my boyfriend is on one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups. She included a cropped photo of his Tinder profile, but the name was hidden, and it was cropped to hide the fact that it was a screenshot. The photo was actually one I sent her when I first started dating him, but it was cropped differently. I’m starting to feel suspicious—almost like she might be behind it. No one has commented on the post, except for me asking for details. I’m stuck, though. I can’t prove she’s behind this, and the more I avoid discussing my relationship with her, the more aggressive she’s becoming. My trust in both her and my boyfriend is starting to weaken. He’s shown me he’s a good person, but she’s not been acting like herself lately. I’m unsure how to move forward with this.

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Sharyn Roman

I’m a 31-year-old woman, and I’ve recently found myself in a tough spot involving both my partner and my closest friend. I met my boyfriend about four months ago, and he’s been incredible—he’s made my life so much better after years in a toxic relationship where I was constantly walking on eggshells. Now, with him, I feel safe and supported as I heal from those past wounds. While no relationship is perfect, we’ve had some disagreements, like one we had over Christmas. But we were able to talk things through, recognize where we needed to improve, and move forward together. The problem is, my closest friend, who hasn’t met him, is convinced that he’s a narcissist and is using me. She even claims that he’s isolating me from my friends and that he’s still on Tinder. My friend is going through a messy divorce, and I’ve been supporting her through it, since I’ve been through my own tough breakups and custody battles. She’s back with the man who ended her marriage and says she’s in love with him. But now, the only time she reaches out to me is either for divorce advice or to tell me I should break up with my boyfriend. Recently, she sent me a message claiming that my boyfriend is on one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups. She included a cropped photo of his Tinder profile, but the name was hidden, and it was cropped to hide the fact that it was a screenshot. The photo was actually one I sent her when I first started dating him, but it was cropped differently. I’m starting to feel suspicious—almost like she might be behind it. No one has commented on the post, except for me asking for details. I’m stuck, though. I can’t prove she’s behind this, and the more I avoid discussing my relationship with her, the more aggressive she’s becoming. My trust in both her and my boyfriend is starting to weaken. He’s shown me he’s a good person, but she’s not been acting like herself lately. I’m unsure how to move forward with this.

a month ago

It sounds like you’re navigating a very challenging situation, and it’s understandable to feel torn between your boyfriend and your friend. Here are some steps and considerations that may help you move forward.

1. Assess Your Relationship with Your Boyfriend

First and foremost, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your boyfriend. You’ve mentioned that he has made you feel safe and supported after a difficult past. This is a significant positive indicator. Consider the following:

Communication: How well do you communicate with him? Are there any red flags that you’ve observed in his behavior that align with your friend’s claims?
Trust: Trust is foundational in any relationship. If you’ve built a solid foundation of trust with him despite the disagreements, that’s a good sign.
Support: Does he support your friendships and encourage you to spend time with others? A healthy partner will want you to maintain your social connections.

2. Evaluate Your Friend’s Behavior

Your friend’s actions seem to stem from her own emotional turmoil and experiences. Here are some points to consider:

Projection: It’s possible that your friend is projecting her own fears and insecurities about relationships onto you, especially since she’s going through a messy divorce.
Isolation Concerns: While it’s important to listen to concerns from friends, it’s equally important to assess whether her claims are based on facts or her emotional state.
Manipulation: The cropped photo incident raises questions about her intentions. If she is indeed behind the misinformation, it could be a sign of manipulation.

3. Open Communication

Consider having an honest conversation with your friend. Here’s how you might approach it:

Express Your Feelings: Share how her comments have made you feel and that you value your relationship with her but are also happy with your boyfriend.
Seek Clarification: Ask her directly about the claims she’s made and the evidence she has. This can help you gauge her sincerity and intentions.
Set Boundaries: If her behavior continues to be aggressive or manipulative, it’s essential to establish boundaries for your well-being.

4. Trust Your Instincts

Ultimately, you know both your boyfriend and your friend best. Trust your instincts about the situation. Here are some final thoughts:

Time and Space: If you need to take a step back from either relationship to gain clarity, that’s okay. Sometimes, distance can provide perspective.
Seek External Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide an objective viewpoint and help you navigate your feelings.
Focus on Yourself: Prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you process your emotions.

Conclusion

In navigating this complex situation, remember that your happiness and mental health are paramount. It’s essential to surround yourself with people who genuinely support you and contribute positively to your life. Whether that means having a difficult conversation with your friend or reaffirming your relationship with your boyfriend, trust yourself to make the best decision for your future.

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