It's understandable to feel confused and concerned when your partner seems to have shifted their perspective on important life goals like marriage and children. Here are some steps and considerations that might help you navigate this situation:

1. Reflect on Your Own Goals

Before diving into a conversation with your boyfriend, take some time to clarify your own desires and goals for the future. Consider the following questions:

• What do I truly want in terms of marriage and children?
• How important are these goals to my happiness and fulfillment?
• Am I willing to compromise, and if so, to what extent?

Having a clear understanding of your own priorities will help you communicate more effectively.

2. Choose the Right Moment to Talk

Since you mentioned that your boyfriend becomes cagey during conversations about the future, choose a calm and relaxed setting to discuss these topics. Avoid times when either of you is stressed or distracted. You might say something like:

"Hey, can we sit down together this weekend and talk about our future? I want to make sure we’re on the same page."

3. Use Open-Ended Questions

During your conversation, try to ask open-ended questions that encourage him to express his feelings. For instance:

• "What do you think about the idea of marriage in general?"
• "How do you feel about having children in the future?"
• "What are your thoughts on our relationship progressing?"

These questions can help him feel less cornered and more willing to share his thoughts.

4. Address His Concerns

When he responds, listen actively and validate his feelings. If he expresses fears or concerns about marriage or children, acknowledge them. You might say:

"I understand that marriage might not be something you see for yourself right now, and that’s okay. I just want to understand your perspective better."

5. Discuss the Importance of Emotional Communication

Since you mentioned that he struggles with deep conversations, express how important it is for you both to communicate openly in a relationship. You could say:

"I really value our relationship and want to make sure we can talk about important topics without feeling uncomfortable or pressured."

6. Suggest Professional Support

If he continues to resist discussing his feelings or if communication remains a challenge, gently encourage him to consider therapy. You might frame it positively:

"I’ve found therapy helpful for me, and I think it could be beneficial for you too, especially in navigating these feelings."

7. Consider Your Own Needs

As you navigate this situation, remember that it’s crucial to prioritize your own needs and happiness. If, after these discussions, it becomes clear that your future goals are fundamentally misaligned, you may need to consider whether this relationship can meet your long-term desires. It’s okay to seek fulfillment, even if that means making difficult decisions.

8. Seek Support

Lastly, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist for yourself. Talking about your feelings and getting outside perspectives can provide clarity.

Relationships can be complicated, and it's essential to approach these discussions with care and empathy. Remember, it's better to have these conversations now than to look back in years to come with regret. Your happiness and future are important, and finding a partner who shares your vision is key.