Caroline Reannon

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I’m 17 and in my last year of high school. I’m about 5'11" with brown skin, and people have said I’m cute sometimes, but others have called me ugly, so now I’m not sure what to believe. I’ve always had insecurities about my hair, and I’m not really sure how to deal with it. Last year, I liked this girl in my class. It was my first time having feelings for someone like that, and I didn’t know what to do. I decided to tell her how I felt, but I wasn’t really expecting a good response. I found her school email and sent her a message saying, “Hey, I like you, but I think you’re going to reject me anyways. I just wanted to get this off my chest.” I know it was a big mistake, and I probably shouldn’t have phrased it like that, but I was just being honest with her. She responded with something like, “I hope we can be friends,” and I was embarrassed and kind of withdrew from her. Then I messaged her on Instagram saying I didn’t want to talk to her anymore, and she said, “Okay.” I thought that would be the end of it, but a few weeks later, I messaged her again asking if we could still be friends. She said yes, and we talked for a few days. But then she sent me a message saying she doesn’t like men or women, and that she didn’t want to talk to me. A mutual friend told me that what she said was true, but I’m still not completely sure. I’ve tried to move on, but I can’t seem to shake my feelings for her. I think part of it is that I’m insecure about my hair, and I tend to hide it by wearing hoodies at school. I know she doesn’t like guys who wear hoodies, and maybe she didn’t like me because of that, or maybe it’s because I’m not very outgoing, or maybe it’s because I’m just not what she’s looking for physically. I keep blaming myself for everything, and I still do. I’ve been working out for almost a year now, and I’ve made great progress, but I still feel insecure about my hair, and I keep hiding it when I’m at school. The only time I feel comfortable with it is when I’m at the gym, hanging out with friends or family, or at the mall. I’ve started to think that maybe I’ll never find love and that I’m going to be alone forever. A lot of my friends have been in relationships or are currently in one, and I feel like I’m falling behind. I’m not desperate for a girlfriend, but I do want a partner who I can see a future with, and someone who’ll be there for me when I’m sad. All I really want is someone who will hug me and let me cry when I need it. I just don’t know what to do or where to start. Advice and response: Acknowledge your feelings: First, it’s okay to feel uncertain and even a little lost right now. You're 17, and it's a time of growth and self-discovery. You don't have to have everything figured out just yet. You're not the only one who has experienced these kinds of challenges, and your feelings are valid. Give yourself some time: Moving on from a crush can be tough, especially if you’re still feeling attached. It’s important to be patient with yourself. It's also worth recognizing that this one girl doesn’t define your worth, and that relationships often take time to develop, whether romantic or platonic. Work on self-acceptance: Your insecurities about your hair and self-image are understandable, but they don't define you. Keep focusing on building self-confidence in areas like working out, your hobbies, and other strengths. If hiding your hair makes you feel better for now, that’s okay, but try not to let it control your self-worth. Over time, you'll start to feel more comfortable with who you are, especially when you stop comparing yourself to others. Relationships take time: You’re right in saying that you’re not desperate for a girlfriend, but don’t worry about being left behind either. Focus on personal growth, and the right relationships will come naturally. Also, remember that it’s okay to feel like you're not ready for a serious relationship at this point—sometimes the best thing to do is focus on friendships and connections first. Let yourself feel, but don't let it consume you: It’s natural to want someone to lean on, but be cautious about idealizing relationships as the solution to your emotions. It’s important to develop a healthy support system, whether it’s through friends, family, or even professional support if needed. You deserve someone who will treat you well, and that starts with respecting and loving yourself first. Keep putting yourself out there: Even though it might feel like you’re stuck in a rut, your experiences now are part of the journey. Keep being open to new friendships, opportunities, and growth. Just because one relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future. You’re learning about what you want, what you value, and what kind of relationship you hope for. If you're feeling really overwhelmed, talking to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or counselor, could really help. Don’t be hard on yourself; you're doing great in navigating all of this! You’ve got a lot of time ahead to figure things out, and things will get better as you continue to grow.