Cynthia Karlie

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I live with my boyfriend in a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment, and he's from Puerto Rico, along with his whole family. Recently, his sister and her fiancé got jobs in the Midwest and moved near us. To help them get settled in the city, we offered to let them stay with us. Here’s the challenge: They all speak Spanish as their first language, and while the fiancé and sister are both proficient in English (with the sister having a bit of difficulty), most conversations in our apartment are now in Spanish. I’ve taken a Spanish course in high school and am trying to learn the language, but it’s a slow process. My boyfriend tries to translate conversations for me, but it’s usually just a summary after the fact. I don’t want to ask them to speak English, but the conversations often happen so quickly and are above my current level of understanding. As a result, I feel left out, even though I understand this is an issue I need to work through. I’m just not sure how to handle the feeling of being excluded. I’m open to all advice and ideas on how to cope with this situation. Advice and response: Communicate openly with your boyfriend: It’s understandable that you’re feeling left out, and it’s important to communicate those feelings with your boyfriend. Let him know that while you respect the family’s language and culture, you’re struggling with being excluded from conversations. You could say something like, "I really appreciate your family staying with us, and I want to be involved in conversations. It’s just that I’m finding it difficult to keep up with the fast pace of Spanish, and I feel left out." This can open a dialogue about how you can both address this together. Set expectations with the family: If possible, gently express to your boyfriend's family that you're learning Spanish and would appreciate their understanding when you don't fully follow the conversations. It doesn’t have to be a big conversation, but a small acknowledgment that you’re trying to keep up could help them be more mindful of how quickly they speak around you. They might be willing to adjust their pace or include you more often. Take small steps with your Spanish learning: Since you’re already learning Spanish, it’s important to keep making progress, but try to avoid feeling pressured to be fluent immediately. Practice speaking with your boyfriend or other people who are patient with you. You can also ask your boyfriend to teach you key phrases or words that will help you feel more included in day-to-day conversations. Additionally, watching shows or listening to music in Spanish can help improve your comprehension and listening skills at your own pace. Find other ways to connect: While language is a big part of communication, it’s not the only way to bond. Try engaging with your boyfriend’s family in other ways—perhaps through cooking meals together, watching a movie, or doing activities that don’t rely heavily on verbal communication. You can also share things about your own culture with them, creating space for mutual understanding and connection beyond language. Be patient with yourself: Learning a new language is a gradual process, and it’s okay to feel frustrated sometimes. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s normal to feel excluded when you’re not able to fully participate in conversations, but keep in mind that your language skills will improve with time and practice. Being patient with yourself and recognizing that this is a long-term journey can help you manage your expectations. Create opportunities for shared conversations in English: If you’re feeling isolated, it might help to create moments where everyone can engage in English conversations. This could be something as simple as having a group discussion in English once in a while, allowing everyone to speak in a way that you can follow. It could also involve asking your boyfriend or his family to help translate specific things in real-time during conversations, so you feel less left out. What you can do next: Talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling and ask for support in communicating with his family. Gently bring up the issue with your boyfriend's family, explaining that you're learning Spanish and appreciate their patience. Continue your Spanish learning journey, but also be kind to yourself and take small steps to improve. Find ways to connect with your boyfriend’s family through activities that don't rely heavily on language. Look for opportunities to create shared moments of communication in English when possible. By approaching the situation with understanding and patience, you can find ways to feel more included while continuing to grow your language skills.