I (17M) am really attached to a girl (18F), and we talk every day. However, I’m struggling with the mixed signals she’s giving me. She says things that give me hope, but then she pulls away or steps back, leaving me feeling confused and emotionally drained. I told her how I feel, and she asked me to wait because she’s not sure what she wants yet. I really care about her, but I’m starting to question if it’s worth waiting or if I should just move on. To make things even more complicated, her best friend, who is also my best friend, has told me that she likes me and is interested in me, but she’s still upset with me about something I did in the past, which is causing her to doubt her feelings. I’m torn between wanting to fight for her and wondering if this situation is just going in circles. Any advice on how to handle this complicated situation? Advice and response: Consider the importance of communication: It sounds like you're caught in a cycle of confusion due to mixed signals. When someone says they’re unsure about what they want, it’s important to give them the space to figure that out, but it’s also essential to communicate your needs. It’s okay to let her know that you’re feeling uncertain and drained by the back-and-forth. Having an open, honest conversation about what both of you want could help clarify things and allow you to make a more informed decision about whether to wait or move on. Respect her space but prioritize yourself: She’s asked for time to figure things out, which means she may genuinely be unsure of what she wants right now. While respecting her space, it’s equally important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Constantly waiting for someone who is uncertain can leave you feeling emotionally drained, and it’s okay to set a personal limit on how long you’re willing to wait for someone to make up their mind. Giving yourself time to reflect on what you need in a relationship might help you make the best choice for yourself. Acknowledge your feelings for her but keep perspective: It’s clear that you have strong feelings for this girl, but be mindful that love or attachment shouldn’t come at the expense of your emotional health. It’s natural to want to fight for someone you care about, but it’s also important to recognize when the situation isn’t progressing in a healthy way. Ask yourself if you're waiting because you genuinely believe things will improve, or if you’re holding on out of hope without a clear path forward. Consider the impact of her best friend’s involvement: The fact that her best friend, who is also your best friend, has shared with you that she’s interested in you adds another layer of complexity to the situation. However, her past issues with you may need to be addressed before moving forward. Take some time to reflect on what happened in the past, and if it’s possible to resolve things with her so that the feelings can be clear and not influenced by past disagreements. It’s important to consider how your relationships with both girls could be affected if things don’t move forward in a healthy way. Know when to let go: Sometimes, despite strong feelings, it’s important to acknowledge when something may not be moving in a healthy or fulfilling direction. If you’ve communicated your feelings and she’s still unsure, and if the situation is emotionally draining you, it might be time to step back and take care of yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where both people are on the same page and can provide mutual support and clarity. Give yourself space to move forward: Whether or not you choose to wait, it’s important to give yourself the space to move forward emotionally. This could involve focusing on your own interests, building other friendships, or even opening yourself up to new possibilities. By doing this, you’re not only improving your own well-being but also allowing yourself the chance to see if this girl is truly someone you want to invest in, or if it’s time to let go. What you can do next: Have an honest conversation with the girl you like, expressing your feelings while giving her the space to figure out her own emotions. Reflect on your own emotional needs and consider how long you're willing to wait before deciding whether to move on. Try to resolve any past issues with her best friend so that things don’t stay complicated and unclear. Take care of your emotional health and set boundaries around waiting for someone who isn’t sure about their feelings. By balancing patience and self-care, you can navigate this situation while respecting both your feelings and hers. It's important to find clarity, whether that means continuing to wait or making the decision to move forward.

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Langston Joslyn

I (17M) am really attached to a girl (18F), and we talk every day. However, I’m struggling with the mixed signals she’s giving me. She says things that give me hope, but then she pulls away or steps back, leaving me feeling confused and emotionally drained. I told her how I feel, and she asked me to wait because she’s not sure what she wants yet. I really care about her, but I’m starting to question if it’s worth waiting or if I should just move on. To make things even more complicated, her best friend, who is also my best friend, has told me that she likes me and is interested in me, but she’s still upset with me about something I did in the past, which is causing her to doubt her feelings. I’m torn between wanting to fight for her and wondering if this situation is just going in circles. Any advice on how to handle this complicated situation? Advice and response: Consider the importance of communication: It sounds like you're caught in a cycle of confusion due to mixed signals. When someone says they’re unsure about what they want, it’s important to give them the space to figure that out, but it’s also essential to communicate your needs. It’s okay to let her know that you’re feeling uncertain and drained by the back-and-forth. Having an open, honest conversation about what both of you want could help clarify things and allow you to make a more informed decision about whether to wait or move on. Respect her space but prioritize yourself: She’s asked for time to figure things out, which means she may genuinely be unsure of what she wants right now. While respecting her space, it’s equally important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Constantly waiting for someone who is uncertain can leave you feeling emotionally drained, and it’s okay to set a personal limit on how long you’re willing to wait for someone to make up their mind. Giving yourself time to reflect on what you need in a relationship might help you make the best choice for yourself. Acknowledge your feelings for her but keep perspective: It’s clear that you have strong feelings for this girl, but be mindful that love or attachment shouldn’t come at the expense of your emotional health. It’s natural to want to fight for someone you care about, but it’s also important to recognize when the situation isn’t progressing in a healthy way. Ask yourself if you're waiting because you genuinely believe things will improve, or if you’re holding on out of hope without a clear path forward. Consider the impact of her best friend’s involvement: The fact that her best friend, who is also your best friend, has shared with you that she’s interested in you adds another layer of complexity to the situation. However, her past issues with you may need to be addressed before moving forward. Take some time to reflect on what happened in the past, and if it’s possible to resolve things with her so that the feelings can be clear and not influenced by past disagreements. It’s important to consider how your relationships with both girls could be affected if things don’t move forward in a healthy way. Know when to let go: Sometimes, despite strong feelings, it’s important to acknowledge when something may not be moving in a healthy or fulfilling direction. If you’ve communicated your feelings and she’s still unsure, and if the situation is emotionally draining you, it might be time to step back and take care of yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where both people are on the same page and can provide mutual support and clarity. Give yourself space to move forward: Whether or not you choose to wait, it’s important to give yourself the space to move forward emotionally. This could involve focusing on your own interests, building other friendships, or even opening yourself up to new possibilities. By doing this, you’re not only improving your own well-being but also allowing yourself the chance to see if this girl is truly someone you want to invest in, or if it’s time to let go. What you can do next: Have an honest conversation with the girl you like, expressing your feelings while giving her the space to figure out her own emotions. Reflect on your own emotional needs and consider how long you're willing to wait before deciding whether to move on. Try to resolve any past issues with her best friend so that things don’t stay complicated and unclear. Take care of your emotional health and set boundaries around waiting for someone who isn’t sure about their feelings. By balancing patience and self-care, you can navigate this situation while respecting both your feelings and hers. It's important to find clarity, whether that means continuing to wait or making the decision to move forward.

a month ago

It sounds like you’re in a challenging emotional situation, and it’s understandable to feel confused and drained by the mixed signals you’re receiving. Here are some steps and considerations that might help you navigate this complexity:

1. Importance of Communication

Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, especially when mixed signals are involved. You’ve already expressed your feelings to her, which is a great first step. Now, consider having a follow-up conversation where you can express your feelings about the uncertainty. Here’s how you might approach it:

Be Honest: Share how her mixed signals are affecting you emotionally. For example, you might say, “I really care about you, but I feel confused and drained when you pull away after giving me hope.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage her to share more about her feelings. Questions like, “What are you thinking about when you say you’re unsure?” can provide clarity.

2. Respect Her Space but Prioritize Yourself

It’s essential to give her the space she needs to figure things out, but that shouldn’t come at the cost of your emotional health. Consider setting a timeline for yourself regarding how long you’re willing to wait:

Self-Reflection: Reflect on what you want in a relationship and how long you’re comfortable waiting for her to decide. This can help you establish boundaries.
Emotional Check-Ins: Regularly check in with yourself about how you’re feeling. If you find yourself feeling consistently drained, it might be time to reassess your situation.

3. Acknowledge Your Feelings but Keep Perspective

Strong feelings can sometimes cloud your judgment. Consider these points:

Identify Your Needs: Ask yourself if you’re waiting because you genuinely believe the relationship has potential or if you’re holding on to hope without clear progress.
Balance Hope with Reality: It’s okay to hope for a positive outcome, but be mindful of the emotional toll it’s taking on you. Keeping a realistic perspective can help you make better decisions.

4. Consider the Impact of Her Best Friend’s Involvement

The situation is further complicated by the fact that her best friend, who is also your best friend, likes you. Here are some steps to consider:

Address Past Issues: If there’s unresolved tension with her best friend, it might be worth having a conversation to clear the air. This could help her feel more comfortable expressing her feelings toward you.
Evaluate Your Feelings: Think about how you feel about her best friend. Do you have any romantic interest in her, or is it purely platonic?

5. Know When to Let Go

Sometimes, the best decision is to step back. Consider these points:

Recognize Red Flags: If you’ve communicated your feelings and she’s still unsure after some time, it could indicate that you’re not on the same page.
Emotional Health Matters: Prioritize your emotional well-being. You deserve a relationship where both parties are committed and clear about their feelings.

6. Give Yourself Space to Move Forward

Regardless of whether you choose to wait or move on, it’s essential to give yourself room to grow:

Pursue Your Interests: Focus on hobbies, interests, or friendships that make you happy. Engaging in activities you enjoy can help you feel more fulfilled.
Open Yourself to New Opportunities: While you’re navigating this situation, consider meeting new people or exploring new relationships. This can provide perspective and help you see what you truly want.

What You Can Do Next

Have an honest conversation with the girl you like, expressing your feelings while giving her the space to figure out her own emotions.
Reflect on your own emotional needs and consider how long you're willing to wait before deciding whether to move on.
Try to resolve any past issues with her best friend so that things don’t stay complicated and unclear.
Take care of your emotional health and set boundaries around waiting for someone who isn’t sure about their feelings.

By balancing patience and self-care, you can navigate this situation while respecting both your feelings and hers. Finding clarity is crucial, whether that means continuing to wait or making the decision to move forward.

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