Derick Elmo

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I (25M) have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, K (25F), for over five years. We typically commute 3-4 hours each way to see each other on weekends and during time off. Recently, K moved to London to work as a secondary school teacher, while I’m working in finance as a chartered accountant and looking to find a better job. Initially, I thought about moving to London for several reasons: 1) there are better job opportunities for me, 2) I love the city, and 3) most importantly, I could take the next step in our relationship and eventually propose to her, waking up next to the woman I love every day. However, I’m now facing a dilemma: I have two job offers on the table. One is in London with a salary of £60k, and the other is in Switzerland with a salary of £105k. If I take the job in Switzerland, it would likely be a 3-5 year commitment, meaning we’d be apart for that time, and we’d still have never lived together. I’ve thought of a few potential solutions, though each one comes with its own drawbacks: We could both move to Switzerland. This would solve the living-together issue, but it might not be ideal for K since it would likely be difficult for her to practice law there, meaning she’d have to continue teaching, which isn’t her long-term career goal. I could live between both countries and work remotely part of the time (e.g., two weeks in Switzerland and one in the UK). However, I’d need to check with the employer to see if this is even a possibility. I could return to the UK on weekends and days off, as the distance isn’t too far. The higher salary would make this financially feasible, but I wonder if it would be sustainable for 3-5 years. I’m really torn between these options and unsure which path is the best for both my career and my relationship. I’d love to hear your advice on what might be the best decision. Advice and Response: It sounds like you’re at a crossroads with a big decision ahead, and you’re weighing your career, your relationship, and your future. It’s a challenging situation, but I can offer some advice to help you navigate this. Consider your relationship’s future: Moving in together is a significant step, and it’s understandable that you want to take it with K. However, as you’ve noted, you’ve never lived together, and that’s an important factor to consider. Moving to Switzerland for 3-5 years without living together before might introduce some challenges, especially when you're adjusting to a new job, a new country, and a new dynamic in your relationship. It might be wise to assess how strong and stable your relationship feels in terms of communication, handling conflict, and whether you’re both ready for such a long period of time apart. Evaluate the career options: The job in London aligns with your goals of being close to K and taking the next step in your relationship, but the salary is significantly lower than the Swiss job. On the other hand, the job in Switzerland would provide you with a higher salary, which is certainly attractive, but it comes with the cost of distance and not having lived together before. Think about what’s most important to you at this stage in your life—whether it’s your career growth, living with K, or a combination of both. Possible solutions: Living in Switzerland together: This could be a good compromise, but it’s important to talk to K about her career ambitions. If she’s passionate about practicing law, she might not feel fulfilled continuing as a teacher. If you both want this option, discuss whether she’d be open to exploring career opportunities in Switzerland and if there’s a way for her to transition into something she enjoys. Living between two countries: If working remotely is an option, this could give you both the flexibility to maintain your relationship while being in Switzerland. However, this setup could come with its own challenges in terms of travel fatigue, emotional strain, and balancing work. It might work in the short term, but check in with yourself about how sustainable it might be in the long run. Weekend visits: This is another potential option, and while it could be feasible financially, it may not be emotionally sustainable for several years. Being apart for long stretches, only seeing each other on weekends, can strain a relationship. The excitement of being together might wear off, and the distance could become more challenging over time. Talk to K: It’s essential to have an open, honest conversation with K about your dilemma. What are her thoughts on moving to Switzerland? Would she be open to working remotely or continuing as a teacher in Switzerland? It’s also important to discuss whether she’s ready to take the next step in your relationship and live together. Understanding each other’s priorities will help guide your decision. Think long-term: While it’s tempting to make a decision based on career advancement or finances, it’s important to consider the long-term impact on your relationship. Would being apart for several years affect your bond with K? Are you both on the same page about where you want to be in the future, both personally and professionally? Balancing career goals with relationship goals can be challenging, but it’s important to think ahead and consider what’s most important for you both in the long run. Ultimately, you’ll need to weigh the pros and cons of each option and what aligns best with your long-term goals. It’s clear you’re invested in both your career and your relationship, and balancing both will require careful thought and open communication. Keep discussing with K to see where your priorities align, and trust that whatever decision you make, it will shape the direction of your future together.