Shae Ferdie

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I'm a 17-year-old college freshman (I'll be 18 in a couple of months—skipped a grade and have an early birthday). I recently met a guy, and we’ve been getting along great as friends. However, things took a turn when we went on a date. When we first met, I mentioned that I was a freshman and he’s a sophomore, which didn’t seem like an issue at all. But recently, he told me he’s turning 21 soon. This means that for about 2-3 months, there will be an age gap of 2-3 years between us. While I really like him and want things to work out, I’m concerned that telling him my age might scare him off. So, when do you think I should bring up my age? How do I approach this conversation? Do I have an obligation to tell him? (Note: Nothing here is illegal in my state.) Any advice is appreciated. Thanks! Response & Advice: It’s understandable that you might feel uncertain about how to bring up your age, especially considering the age gap and your desire for the relationship to go well. Here’s some advice on how to navigate this: Timing is Key: It’s always best to bring up important things like age sooner rather than later, especially when the age gap might be a concern. You don’t need to rush into it, but you could mention your age casually when the topic of birthdays or age comes up again. That way, it doesn’t feel like you’re hiding it or springing it on him unexpectedly. How to Bring It Up: You could say something like, “By the way, I realized I never mentioned my age. I’m actually 17, but I’ll be 18 in a couple of months.” This way, you share the information honestly but also clarify that it’s not a huge deal since you’re almost 18. It also shows that you’re comfortable with who you are and confident enough to share this with him. Be Honest About Your Concerns: If you’re nervous, you can also tell him why you’re bringing it up. For example, you could say, “I just wanted to make sure it’s not a big deal to you, since I know the age gap might be a little different than what you’re used to.” This opens up space for an honest conversation and lets him know you value his perspective. You Don’t Have a Moral Obligation, But It’s About Transparency: While you don’t have a legal obligation to tell him your age, being transparent in any relationship is important. He might appreciate the fact that you’re open and honest about it. It helps avoid any misunderstandings down the line. Relationships work best when both people feel comfortable and trust each other, so sharing your age helps build that trust. Consider His Perspective: It’s natural to worry about how he’ll react, but if he’s someone who genuinely likes you, he’ll likely appreciate your honesty. If he does have concerns, it’s better for both of you to discuss them sooner rather than later. The age gap might seem big now, but in a few months, when you turn 18, it’ll be less of an issue. Focus on Communication: The most important thing is to maintain open and respectful communication. If you’re honest and upfront, you’ll know right away if the age difference is something that concerns him. Remember, age is just a number, but maturity, shared values, and mutual respect are far more important in building a healthy relationship. Final Thoughts: It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling a bit unsure, but the key is to approach the conversation with confidence and honesty. As long as you communicate openly and respectfully, the relationship can move forward in a way that feels comfortable for both of you. Trust that if this guy truly likes you, he’ll appreciate your honesty and maturity. Good luck, and remember that being upfront now can save both of you from any confusion later!