Kiaran Gisselle

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I (22F) am wondering if I should forgive my partner (27M) for texting another girl. We were going through a tough time in our relationship, and during that time, he started texting a girl he met at a bar. They were using pet names with each other, and apparently, they've been texting for a few weeks. The rough patch happened because I felt like he wasn’t giving me enough time and attention. He seemed to be prioritizing his colleagues and friends over me. I tried to talk to him about it, but whenever I did, it would end in arguments. Eventually, I broke up with him. I'm wondering if I should have tried harder, handled things differently, or if I should just forgive him and move on. Any advice on how to approach this situation would be helpful. Response & Advice: Acknowledge the Hurt: It's completely normal to feel hurt and confused when your partner is texting someone else, especially during a time when you were feeling neglected. It's important to recognize that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to take the time to process them. Evaluate the Intentions: Understanding why your partner started texting this other girl can help you determine whether this was a one-time lapse in judgment or something more serious. Was it simply a way for him to seek attention and validation while you were feeling distant, or did he develop deeper feelings for her? The context matters, and you deserve to know the full picture before deciding if this is forgivable. Reflect on the Relationship's Issues: The fact that you were going through a rough patch and not getting the attention you needed plays a big role in this situation. Relationships require both partners to communicate and address issues before they escalate. If he wasn't giving you the attention you needed, it would have been more helpful for both of you to sit down and discuss how to resolve the tension before it led to this situation. Assess Trust and Boundaries: A key part of any relationship is mutual trust and respect. If you feel that texting another person crossed a boundary, it's important to evaluate whether this is something that compromises the trust between you. Were the texts harmless, or did they reflect a lack of respect for the relationship? Your boundaries matter, and you need to decide what you're comfortable with moving forward. Consider Communication Moving Forward: If you decide to continue in the relationship, open and honest communication will be essential. How can both of you work to make sure you feel valued and heard? Acknowledging the missteps and ensuring that the relationship doesn't repeat the same patterns is crucial for rebuilding trust and connection. Forgiveness is Personal: Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, but rather, it’s about choosing to move past the hurt and finding peace for yourself. If you feel that this is something you can forgive and work through, it might help to have a calm conversation with him about how this affected you and what you need going forward. However, if you feel that the breach of trust is too deep or the relationship has reached a point where it's no longer fulfilling, it's okay to walk away. Give Yourself Time: Don’t feel pressured to make a decision right away. Take time to reflect on your needs, how this situation impacts you, and whether you believe the relationship can be rebuilt in a way that honors both your emotional well-being and his. Final Thoughts: Ultimately, the decision to forgive and move forward is deeply personal. What matters most is whether you believe this relationship can offer you the love and respect you deserve, and whether you’re willing to work through the issues with your partner. Take the time you need to reflect on your feelings, set boundaries, and decide what’s best for your future.