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My boyfriend (26M) told me that he doesn’t want to attend my college graduation (21F). When I asked him about it, he said he just hates graduation ceremonies and finds them boring—he has no other reason for not attending. We’ve been together for a year, and I honestly expected him to want to be there to support me on such an important day. My family is going, and we’ll be celebrating afterward, but I feel really embarrassed to explain to them why he isn’t coming. I’m not sure if this is something I should just let go or if it’s a sign that this relationship might not be right. We’ve had other issues before, and this feels like it might be my breaking point. Is this worth ending the relationship over?

a month ago
36

It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted about your boyfriend's decision not to attend your graduation. This is a significant milestone in your life, and having the support of loved ones during such moments is often deeply valued. Let's break down the situation and explore some aspects to consider.

Understanding His Perspective

Your boyfriend has expressed that he finds graduation ceremonies boring and has no other reason for not attending. It’s important to acknowledge that everyone has different preferences and comfort levels when it comes to social events. For example, some people might feel overwhelmed or anxious in large crowds, while others may simply not enjoy formal ceremonies. However, it's also crucial to assess whether this is a valid reason for missing an important event in your life.

Your Expectations

It’s natural to expect a partner to be present for significant life events, especially after a year of being together. Celebrating achievements together fosters connection and support within a relationship. If you anticipated that he would want to be there for you, it’s valid to feel disappointed and even hurt by his response.

Communication is Key

Before making any decisions about the future of your relationship, consider having an open and honest conversation with him. Express how much your graduation means to you and how his absence affects you emotionally. You might say something like, "I understand that you don't enjoy graduation ceremonies, but this day is really important to me. It would mean a lot if you could support me by being there." This may help him understand your perspective better.

Assessing the Relationship

Reflect on your relationship as a whole. You mentioned that you’ve had other issues before. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does he generally support you in other aspects of your life?
  • How does he handle situations where your needs differ from his preferences?
  • Are there recurring patterns of lack of support or understanding in your relationship?

If you find that this incident is part of a larger pattern of behavior that makes you feel unsupported, it may be worth considering the health of the relationship.

Deciding on Your Next Steps

Ultimately, the decision about whether to end the relationship should be based on a combination of your feelings, the communication you have with him, and how you assess the overall dynamic of your relationship. If you feel that his absence signifies a lack of respect for your achievements or emotional needs, it might be a sign to reevaluate your partnership.

On the other hand, if he expresses a willingness to support you in other ways, such as celebrating afterward or finding a compromise, it might be worth working through this together.

Conclusion

Remember, relationships require effort from both parties. If you find that your needs are consistently unmet, it might be time to consider what you truly want moving forward. Trust your instincts and prioritize your happiness and well-being.

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