I’m a 33F from downtown Chicago, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend (37M) who grew up in Greece and Albania. We’ve been dating since May, and recently became exclusive. Communication has been spotty at times, and I’m feeling heartbroken after a recent incident. For example, in July, he went on a trip with friends and mentioned visiting a strip club. When I brought it up, he ghosted me for four days, saying I was being disrespectful. The weekend after New Year’s, we went to Miami. The trip was great until the last day. After a night of little sleep, we went to a hotel bar for lunch, where we had a small argument because he was flirting with the bartender. I told him I was annoyed, but he explained that he enjoyed seeing me get “riled up.” Later, at a restaurant, a woman from another table came over, commented on how in love I was with him, and wouldn’t stop talking to us. It made me feel uncomfortable, especially because I haven’t yet told him that I love him. She eventually took my seat at the table, which irritated me further. It felt like he was trying to make me jealous. When I returned to the table, I asked him if I should leave, and he told me to sit down, saying I was being rude to the woman and disrespectful to him. He was very upset, and I immediately apologized, explaining that I was wrong. Afterward, he became distant and stonewalled me all the way to the airport. At the airport, I cried and tried to explain how the whole situation had made me feel insecure, but he said that he felt disrespected because he paid for everything during the trip, and if he invites someone to join us, I should respect that. He said he could have gone with friends instead and gotten attention from other women, but he chose to bring me. I apologized profusely, and he finally seemed a little less cold, and we cuddled on the flight back. He was picked up before I was at the airport but called to check in on me and told me to text him when I got home. Once I got home, I texted him that I made it safely, but since then, I haven’t heard from him. I’ve sent a couple of texts asking how he’s doing and shared some pictures of my new office. It’s now Thursday, and he hasn’t responded to anything, and I’m starting to feel heartbroken. I’m not sure if he’s punishing me, if he’s thinking about breaking up with me, or if he’s just busy. What can I do to make him forgive me for making him feel disrespected and get him to start talking to me again? I’m so confused and hurt right now.

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Pamelia Eppie

I’m a 33F from downtown Chicago, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend (37M) who grew up in Greece and Albania. We’ve been dating since May, and recently became exclusive. Communication has been spotty at times, and I’m feeling heartbroken after a recent incident. For example, in July, he went on a trip with friends and mentioned visiting a strip club. When I brought it up, he ghosted me for four days, saying I was being disrespectful. The weekend after New Year’s, we went to Miami. The trip was great until the last day. After a night of little sleep, we went to a hotel bar for lunch, where we had a small argument because he was flirting with the bartender. I told him I was annoyed, but he explained that he enjoyed seeing me get “riled up.” Later, at a restaurant, a woman from another table came over, commented on how in love I was with him, and wouldn’t stop talking to us. It made me feel uncomfortable, especially because I haven’t yet told him that I love him. She eventually took my seat at the table, which irritated me further. It felt like he was trying to make me jealous. When I returned to the table, I asked him if I should leave, and he told me to sit down, saying I was being rude to the woman and disrespectful to him. He was very upset, and I immediately apologized, explaining that I was wrong. Afterward, he became distant and stonewalled me all the way to the airport. At the airport, I cried and tried to explain how the whole situation had made me feel insecure, but he said that he felt disrespected because he paid for everything during the trip, and if he invites someone to join us, I should respect that. He said he could have gone with friends instead and gotten attention from other women, but he chose to bring me. I apologized profusely, and he finally seemed a little less cold, and we cuddled on the flight back. He was picked up before I was at the airport but called to check in on me and told me to text him when I got home. Once I got home, I texted him that I made it safely, but since then, I haven’t heard from him. I’ve sent a couple of texts asking how he’s doing and shared some pictures of my new office. It’s now Thursday, and he hasn’t responded to anything, and I’m starting to feel heartbroken. I’m not sure if he’s punishing me, if he’s thinking about breaking up with me, or if he’s just busy. What can I do to make him forgive me for making him feel disrespected and get him to start talking to me again? I’m so confused and hurt right now.

a month ago

It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and heartbroken after the recent events. Communication issues can be particularly tough, especially when emotions run high. Here are some steps you can take to navigate this situation:

1. Reflect on the Situation

Take some time to reflect on what happened during your trip to Miami and the incidents leading up to it. Consider your feelings and his reactions. It’s essential to understand both perspectives:

Your feelings: You felt uncomfortable with the bartender's flirting and the woman at the restaurant. It's natural to feel insecure in such situations, especially when you haven't yet expressed your feelings of love.
His feelings: He might have felt disrespected and may have perceived your annoyance as a lack of appreciation for his efforts during the trip.

2. Give Him Space

While it’s tempting to reach out continuously, sometimes giving someone space is necessary. This allows both of you to process your feelings. If he hasn’t responded for a few days, he might need time to reflect on what happened and how he feels about the relationship.

3. Reach Out Thoughtfully

After a few days of space, consider sending a thoughtful message. Acknowledge the situation without being confrontational. For example:

“Hey [Boyfriend's Name], I’ve been thinking about our trip and everything that happened. I realize I might have upset you, and I’m really sorry for that. I value our relationship and would love to talk when you’re ready.”

4. Apologize Sincerely

If you get a chance to communicate, offer a heartfelt apology. Be specific about what you’re apologizing for, and express that you understand how he felt:

“I’m sorry for how I reacted at the restaurant. I didn’t mean to be rude, and I can see how my words might have hurt you. I appreciate everything you do for us, and I want to work on communicating better.”

5. Open Up About Your Feelings

When the time is right, share your feelings with him. Let him know that you care about him and that the situation made you feel insecure. You could say:

“I really enjoy our time together, and I’ve been feeling a bit insecure about how I didn’t express my feelings clearly. I hope we can work through this together.”

6. Focus on Rebuilding Trust

Trust is crucial in any relationship. To rebuild it, focus on open and honest communication moving forward. Consider setting aside time for deeper conversations about boundaries and expectations in your relationship.

7. Be Patient

Healing and rebuilding communication takes time. Be patient with him and yourself. If he needs time to think, respect that. Showing that you can give him space may help him feel more comfortable opening up to you later.

8. Seek Support

Talk to friends or family about your feelings. Sometimes, sharing your experiences can provide clarity and support. You might also consider speaking to a therapist who can help you process your emotions and offer guidance on communication strategies in relationships.

Conclusion

Relationships can be complex, especially when cultural differences and personal insecurities are involved. Focus on being understanding and patient. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate, you can hopefully find a way to reconnect with your boyfriend and strengthen your relationship.

Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being too. Take care of yourself during this time, and trust that communication can lead to resolution.

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