Nick Meghan

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I (24M) have been good friends with my ex-boyfriend (20M) since we broke up. We talk regularly and hang out occasionally. While there have been complications in the past, we’ve managed to maintain a friendship. However, recently, I’ve been feeling really disrespected and unsure of how to handle it. My grandmother recently passed away after a long battle with cancer. As with all my close friends, my ex knew her and was aware of what she was going through. The day she passed, I sent a message to everyone saying, “She’s at peace now.” Everyone replied with kind condolences, even people I hadn’t spoken to in years. My ex, however, simply replied with “Yes” and nothing more. Now, two weeks have passed, and he hasn’t sent any follow-up messages, hasn’t checked in on me, and hasn’t asked how I’ve been handling it. He’s been sending me occasional snaps, but they’re just blank ones of his face. I feel like he doesn’t care about me, and it’s making me question if he ever did. It hurts even more because I’ve been there for him through difficult times, including helping him emotionally after his own breakup. I’ve always been there for him, offering support, advice, and my time, and now it feels like a slap in the face that he hasn’t even taken a moment to say “I’m sorry for your loss” or ask how I’m doing. What should I do? Should I tell him that I’m hurt by his lack of response, or should I just stop replying to his empty snaps? He knew how close my grandmother was to me—she was like a second mother to me—and the silence from him feels incredibly painful. Am I overreacting, or do I have a right to feel hurt by this? I just don’t know what to do at this point. Response & Advice: First off, it's completely valid for you to feel hurt by your ex’s lack of response. Losing someone close to you, especially someone like a grandmother who you considered a second mother, is incredibly painful, and it’s important to feel supported during that time. When you’ve been there for someone through their own struggles, it’s natural to expect empathy and support in return, especially during a significant loss. Here’s how you might want to approach this situation: Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s clear that you feel disappointed and hurt by the lack of empathy from your ex, especially given how much you’ve supported him in the past. Your feelings are valid—grief is a deeply personal experience, and it can be tough when someone you care about doesn’t show the support you expect. Consider the Context: Sometimes people don’t know how to respond to a loss, especially if they’ve never experienced anything similar. Your ex may not have known how to express his condolences or may be uncomfortable with expressing emotions. However, that doesn’t excuse his behavior, especially when you’ve been there for him in the past. Decide What You Need: If you feel comfortable, it could help to express how you’re feeling directly to him. You don’t have to be confrontational, but calmly telling him that his lack of response to something as significant as your grandmother’s passing hurt you could open up a conversation. You might say something like, “I’ve always been there for you during tough times, and it hurt that you didn’t acknowledge my loss. I was hoping for more support from you during this time.” Evaluate the Friendship: If you don’t get the response you need or he continues to be indifferent, it may be time to reconsider the friendship. You deserve to be surrounded by people who show empathy, especially when you’re going through something as emotionally significant as grief. If the relationship no longer feels balanced or respectful, it might be best to step back and protect your own emotional well-being. Trust Your Instincts: If you feel that this is a situation where you’re constantly giving and not receiving the same level of care in return, that’s something worth addressing. It’s important to have relationships where mutual respect and care are shared. Ultimately, your feelings are justified. This is a tough time for you, and you deserve understanding and compassion from those around you. Take some time to reflect on how much emotional energy you want to continue investing in this friendship, especially if you’re not getting the support you need.