It's understandable to feel a mix of emotions when faced with this situation. You’ve invested five years into your relationship, and the desire for clarity about your future is completely valid. Here are some suggestions on how to approach this conversation again, balancing your needs with his feelings.

1. Create a Safe Space for Discussion

When you decide to revisit this topic, ensure that the environment is conducive to an open and honest conversation. Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and free from distractions. You might say something like:

"I really want to talk about our future together when you feel ready. Can we set aside some time to have a conversation?"

2. Express Your Feelings Calmly

When discussing your feelings, use "I" statements to express how his hesitance affects you without placing blame. For example:

"I feel a bit anxious about our future because I have a strong desire to start a family soon. I want to understand where you stand on this."

3. Understand His Perspective

Ask open-ended questions that allow him to share his feelings more deeply. You might ask:

"What specifically makes you feel overwhelmed about the idea of marriage?"

This can help you both explore any underlying issues he might be facing, such as fear of commitment, financial concerns, or past experiences that may be influencing his feelings.

4. Discuss Timelines and Expectations

Since you have a timeline for starting a family, it’s important to discuss this openly. You could say:

"I understand that you’re not ready for marriage right now, but I would love to hear your thoughts on what a timeline could look like for us moving forward."

This can help you gauge whether your timelines are compatible or if adjustments need to be made.

5. Reassess Your Values and Needs

Consider what marriage means to you and why it’s important at this stage in your life. If starting a family is a priority, reflect on how that aligns with your relationship. It might be helpful to write down your values and what you envision for your future.

6. Consider a Compromise

Sometimes, couples can explore alternatives to traditional marriage that might alleviate some of his fears. For instance, discussing a long-term commitment ceremony or a partnership agreement could be a starting point. You could phrase it like this:

"Would you be open to discussing other forms of commitment that might feel less overwhelming?"

7. Set Boundaries and Timeframes

If after multiple discussions, he still expresses that he isn’t ready, it’s essential to evaluate what that means for you. Setting a personal timeframe for when you need to see progress can help you avoid feeling stuck. For example:

"I love you and want us to be together, but I also need to know if we are moving in the same direction. Could we revisit this in six months?"

8. Seek Professional Guidance

If you find it challenging to navigate these discussions on your own, consider couples therapy. A neutral third party can facilitate conversations and help both of you express your feelings in a constructive manner.

Conclusion

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance between patience and clarity. Open, honest communication is key to understanding each other’s perspectives and making informed decisions about your future. Remember that it’s okay to prioritize your needs while remaining supportive of your boyfriend’s journey.