Sidony Greyson

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I'm 16 and a girl, and so is my ex. I have trouble with my emotions, so I don’t really cry, and I also struggle to feel love. I don't tell people I love them and have difficulty forming deep connections with anyone. My ex and I dated almost all through my freshman year, and we’ve known each other since we were about 12. We both had crushes on each other back in middle school but never knew it until high school. Our relationship was good, though a bit awkward at times, but we didn’t mind because it was just high school, you know? Eventually, things started getting complicated because she had a close friend who used to bully me. After a few months, we broke up because I couldn’t handle that situation anymore (there are more details, but I won’t get into them unless asked). We were together for about six months, but the breakup hit me hard. I cried like never before for weeks and had trouble eating or sleeping. Losing her from my life, after knowing her for so long, felt terrible. Now I’m a sophomore, and we have the same schedules and lockers next to each other. It’s been seven months since we broke up, and I think about her every day. We catch each other's eyes in the halls and classes, and I always end up looking at her. I haven't had feelings for anyone else since we broke up. I recently started talking to her again, and I’m so caught up in my emotions. We’ve only had a couple of short conversations, but I feel so strongly about her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even family or past relationships. What should I do? My family and friends don’t like her because of what happened in our relationship, but I just want her back in my life. I’ve also thought about getting her a rose or something for Valentine’s Day, but I’m not sure if that would be too weird. We both agreed that we still need to build trust before we can even be friends again, but I think I love her. I say “think” because I don’t really understand my emotions that well (my mom thinks I might be autistic, but I’m not sure). Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday, and I usually get gifts for my friends, but we’re not really friends right now. What should I do? How should I approach things, both now and in the future? Answer/Advice: It sounds like you're in a very emotionally complicated situation, and that's totally understandable. You're feeling a lot, and it can be difficult to sort through your emotions, especially when they’re so strong. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate these feelings: 1. Understand Your Emotions: Since you mention that you struggle to understand emotions, it might help to give yourself permission to feel without rushing to define it. Sometimes, when emotions are intense and confusing, we need time to understand them. It’s okay to not have everything figured out right away. It sounds like you're very drawn to your ex, and it might be love, but it could also be unresolved feelings from the breakup or the longing for the connection you once had. 2. Reflect on the Past: Before making any decisions, take some time to reflect on why you broke up in the first place. What were the key issues in your relationship? Was it a healthy dynamic, or were there things that caused you emotional pain or hurt? Understanding this will help you make a clearer decision about whether reconnecting is truly what you want, or if it’s the idea of being with her that’s more appealing. 3. Rebuild Trust Slowly: You mentioned that you both agreed to build trust first before considering a friendship, and that’s a very healthy approach. Trust is essential in any relationship, romantic or platonic. It’s important not to rush things, especially if there were challenges in your past relationship. Focus on rebuilding a solid foundation and getting to know each other again before making any big gestures. 4. Consider the Gift: The idea of getting her a rose for Valentine’s Day is sweet, but it might be a bit much if you're not yet friends and haven't reconnected deeply. A simple message to acknowledge her on the day, like a friendly “Happy Valentine’s Day,” could be a more low-pressure way to reconnect. A big gesture might come across as too forward if you're not sure about the boundaries of your relationship yet. 5. Consider Your Family and Friends’ Opinions: While it’s important to value your loved ones’ opinions, it’s also important to make decisions based on your feelings. If they disapprove of her due to past issues, consider how much weight her actions carry for you in the present. Are the things that caused problems in the past truly resolved in your heart? Make sure you're making decisions that feel right for you and not just out of a sense of obligation to others. 6. Give Yourself Space: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, especially when emotions are so intense. Sometimes, taking a step back from the situation can give you the clarity you need. Allow yourself the space to process everything, and don’t feel rushed to take action. You don’t need to have everything figured out now. 7. Talk to Someone: It might help to talk to someone you trust—whether a close friend, a therapist, or even a counselor—about how you're feeling. Getting an outside perspective can often help bring clarity and guide you toward what’s best for your emotional well-being. 8. Consider Your Own Needs: Before rushing back into any relationship, think about your own emotional needs. Do you feel emotionally ready to navigate a relationship, given your history and your current struggles with understanding emotions? It might be helpful to focus on building emotional resilience and self-understanding first before diving back into a romantic dynamic. Take things slowly and trust your instincts. Relationships, especially ones that involve such deep emotions, require time and careful thought. Whatever decision you make, make sure it’s one that prioritizes your emotional health and well-being.