It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, and it's important to navigate it thoughtfully to maintain both your relationship with your boyfriend and your own comfort. Here are some steps you can take to address the issue:

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

Before you approach your boyfriend, take some time to clearly identify and articulate your feelings. Consider keeping a journal where you can document specific instances that made you uncomfortable, like the comments Nate has made or his uninvited visits. This will help you express your concerns more concretely.

2. Choose the Right Time to Talk

Find a calm moment to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend, preferably when you are both relaxed and not distracted. Avoid bringing it up during a heated moment or when Nate is around. For example, you could say:

"Hey, can we talk about something that's been on my mind? I want to make sure we both feel comfortable in our relationship."

3. Use "I" Statements

When discussing your feelings, use "I" statements to express how Nate's behavior affects you personally, rather than making it sound like an attack on Nate or your boyfriend. For instance:

"I feel uncomfortable when Nate makes jokes about our relationship or shows up uninvited. It makes me feel like my boundaries aren't respected."

4. Focus on Your Needs

Explain that your intention is not to drive a wedge between your boyfriend and Nate, but to ensure that you feel safe and respected in your relationship. You might say:

"I value the friendship you have with Nate, but I also need to feel respected and comfortable in our home and relationship."

5. Set Clear Boundaries

Discuss and establish clear boundaries that both you and your boyfriend can agree on regarding Nate's behavior. This could include:

• Limiting Nate's uninvited visits.
• Communicating when jokes go too far.
• Reinforcing that your relationship should be treated with respect.

6. Encourage Your Boyfriend to Address It

Encourage your boyfriend to have a conversation with Nate about boundaries. Emphasize that it’s important for him to stand up for you and your relationship. You can suggest he say something like:

"Hey Nate, I appreciate our friendship, but I think we need to be mindful of how our jokes and actions can affect [Your Name]."

7. Be Prepared for Different Outcomes

Understand that your boyfriend may need time to process your concerns. Be patient, but also be prepared for the possibility that he may not fully agree with you. If he continues to dismiss your feelings, consider discussing the implications for your relationship moving forward.

8. Seek Support

If you find it difficult to resolve this on your own, consider reaching out to a trusted friend or a therapist who can provide additional perspective and support. Sometimes, an outside viewpoint can help clarify your feelings and options.

9. Prioritize Your Well-Being

Ultimately, your comfort and well-being should be a priority. If Nate’s behavior continues to make you uncomfortable and your boyfriend is unwilling to address it, you may need to consider the long-term implications for your relationship. It’s essential to be with someone who respects your boundaries and values your feelings.

Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. Addressing issues like this can strengthen your bond with your boyfriend and help create a more supportive environment for both of you.