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I (21F) have been best friends with a guy (21M) for years, and we’ve also worked together for a long time. I’ve always had feelings for him, but I know he doesn’t feel the same way. Recently, he started dating someone else, who I’m also good friends with. While we still talk frequently and see each other often, it’s not quite the same as before. The issue is that I can’t seem to stop these feelings for him. We have such a special bond, and even though I want him to be happy with his girlfriend, it’s hard to ignore how much I care about him. Deep down, I know he values me as a friend, and I don’t want to lose him no matter what. But it’s really difficult for me to get over my feelings, especially since he’s the person I turn to for everything and the one who makes me happiest. He’s told me that he loves and cares about me, but it’s not in the same way. I want to be okay with just being friends, but I don’t know how to do that without going crazy. How do I get over these feelings without losing him as a friend?

a month ago
39

It's completely normal to feel a deep emotional connection with someone, especially a best friend, and it's understandable to struggle with those feelings when they start dating someone else. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this challenging situation while maintaining your friendship:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's important to recognize and accept your feelings rather than suppress them. Write down your thoughts in a journal or talk to a trusted friend about what you're experiencing. This can help you process your emotions and understand them better.

2. Create Some Distance

While it's great to remain friends, sometimes a little distance can help you gain perspective. Consider reducing the frequency of your interactions for a while. This doesn't mean cutting him out of your life completely, but perhaps limiting one-on-one time or certain activities that might trigger your feelings.

3. Focus on Yourself

Redirect your energy towards self-improvement and activities you enjoy. Join a new club, take up a hobby, or focus on your studies or career. This not only helps distract you but also allows you to grow as an individual. For example, if you enjoy painting, take a class. This can help you channel your feelings into something productive.

4. Talk to Someone

Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools to manage your feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes, simply verbalizing your feelings to a professional can bring clarity and relief.

5. Embrace New Connections

While your bond with your best friend is special, it's essential to cultivate other friendships and connections. This can help you realize that your happiness doesn’t solely depend on one person. Attend social gatherings, meet new people, or reconnect with old friends. This will broaden your support network.

6. Set Boundaries

Establishing boundaries can be essential for your emotional health. If certain topics or activities lead to increased feelings, it’s okay to communicate this to your friend. For instance, if discussing his relationship makes you uncomfortable, let him know you need to steer clear of that subject for a while.

7. Remind Yourself of His Happiness

Focus on the fact that your friend is happy in his new relationship. Remind yourself that supporting his happiness is ultimately what you want. This can help shift your perspective from longing for a romantic connection to valuing his friendship.

8. Give It Time

Feelings often take time to fade. Be patient with yourself and allow your emotions to evolve naturally. As you continue to engage in self-care and focus on personal growth, you may find that your feelings become more manageable over time.

9. Consider Future Possibilities

While it may be hard to envision now, relationships can change over time. Focus on building a solid friendship and see where it naturally leads. However, keep in mind that it’s crucial to respect his current relationship and not to pursue romantic feelings until the situation changes.

10. Communicate Openly

If you feel that your friendship can withstand it, consider having an open and honest conversation about your feelings. Let him know you value your friendship above all else and that you’re working on managing your feelings. This can strengthen your bond and create a deeper understanding between you two.

Remember, it's okay to feel what you're feeling. Allow yourself the time and space to heal while cherishing the friendship you have. With patience and self-care, you can navigate this situation without losing your best friend.

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