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I (18F) met my boyfriend (18M) here on Reddit after posting in a subreddit looking for friends. At the start of our friendship, I lied to him about some details of my life. I told him I moved from France to my home country in Africa because my mom has a business there, and that I’d lived in France for four years. The truth is, I only lived in France for four months. I also told him that most of my friends would be coming with me because our parents are business partners, which isn’t true either—my friends have always been in my home country. We started dating two weeks ago after being friends for four months, and we’ve talked about eventually meeting in person and possibly moving in together. But I don’t want to continue a relationship that started with lies. He’s very understanding and communicative, but I’m really unsure how he’ll react to this. How do I tell him the truth about what I lied about? I really want to come clean but I’m not sure how to approach it.

a month ago
41

It's understandable that you're feeling anxious about confessing your lies to your boyfriend, especially since you care about him and your relationship. Honesty is crucial in any relationship, and it’s commendable that you want to come clean. Here are some steps and tips on how to approach this sensitive conversation:

1. Choose the Right Time and Medium

Since you are in a long-distance relationship, choose a time to talk when both of you can focus without distractions. A video call might be the best option, as it allows for more personal communication. You can gauge his reactions better than through text.

2. Be Honest and Direct

When you start the conversation, it’s important to be straightforward. You could say something like:

“I want to talk about something important that has been weighing on my mind. When we first started talking, I wasn’t completely honest about my background, and I feel that I need to clarify things now that we’re in a relationship.”

3. Explain Your Reasons

After you've opened the conversation, briefly explain why you felt the need to lie. You could say:

“I was nervous about sharing my real story because I wanted you to like me. I thought that if I shared a more exciting background, it would make me more appealing. But I realize now that this was a mistake.”

4. Acknowledge His Feelings

Be prepared for a range of emotions from him. He may feel hurt, confused, or even angry. Acknowledge his feelings by saying something like:

“I understand if you’re upset or feel betrayed. I truly value our relationship and want to be honest with you moving forward.”

5. Reassure Him

Let him know that your feelings for him are genuine and that you want to build a relationship based on trust. You might say:

“I really care about you, and I want to be open and honest from now on. I hope we can move past this together.”

6. Prepare for His Response

He may need time to process what you’ve told him. Be patient and ready for a discussion. Give him space if he needs it, and let him know you’re there to answer any questions he might have.

7. Plan for the Future

Once you’ve had this conversation, discuss how you both can work on building trust moving forward. You could suggest regular check-ins about feelings and honesty in the relationship.

Example Conversation Starter

Here’s a concise example of how you might initiate the conversation:

“Hey [Boyfriend's Name], I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our relationship, and I need to talk to you about something important. When we first met, I didn’t tell you the whole truth about my life. I said I lived in France for longer than I actually did, and I created some stories about my friends. I’m really sorry for that. I value our relationship and want to be honest with you moving forward.”

In conclusion, while it’s difficult to admit to past mistakes, honesty is essential for a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend may appreciate your courage in coming forward, and it could ultimately strengthen your bond. Good luck!

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