It sounds like you are in a challenging situation, and it's commendable that you want to approach this delicately rather than resorting to ultimatums. Here are some suggestions to help you encourage your boyfriend to consider therapy without threatening your relationship:

1. Open a Dialogue

Start by having an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Use "I" statements to express how you feel and avoid placing blame. For example:

• "I feel worried about you and our relationship when I see you struggling with unresolved issues."
• "I love you and want to support you in any way I can, and I think therapy could be a helpful resource."

2. Normalize Therapy

Since your boyfriend has experience as a counselor, he may have a skewed perception of therapy. Normalize it by discussing how mental health is just as important as physical health. You could say:

• "Just like we see a doctor for physical ailments, it’s okay to seek help for our mental health. It doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with you."

3. Share Personal Experiences

Sometimes, sharing your own experiences with therapy can make a difference. Talk about how it has helped you cope with your issues. For instance:

• "When I was going through a tough time, therapy really helped me find clarity and tools to manage my feelings."

4. Suggest a Trial Approach

Instead of an ultimatum, propose a trial run for therapy. Suggest that he tries just one session to see how he feels about it. You might say:

• "How about you just try one session? If you don’t feel it’s helping, you can stop."

5. Focus on the Benefits

Highlight the potential benefits of therapy, not just for him but for your relationship. You could mention:

• "Therapy can help you gain insights into how to manage stress and improve our communication, which can make our relationship stronger."

6. Encourage Self-Reflection

Encourage him to reflect on his feelings and the reasons he resists therapy. Ask open-ended questions like:

• "What do you think holds you back from considering therapy?"
• "Are there specific experiences that make you feel therapy won’t work for you?"

7. Offer to Support Him

Let him know that you’re willing to support him in this journey. Offer to help him find a therapist or even accompany him to the first session if he feels comfortable. You might say:

• "I’ll help you find someone you feel comfortable with, and I can even go with you if that helps."

8. Set Boundaries for Yourself

While it’s important to support him, it’s equally vital to take care of your own mental health. Consider what you need in a relationship and be clear about your boundaries. You could express:

• "I want to support you, but I also need to prioritize my own well-being. I hope we can navigate this together."

9. Be Patient

Change takes time, and he may need some space to come to terms with his feelings about therapy. Be patient and continue to show your love and support.

10. Consider Professional Help for Yourself

If you find it difficult to navigate this situation, consider seeking support for yourself. A therapist can provide guidance on how to approach this conversation and help you manage your feelings.

Ultimately, while you can encourage him to seek help, the decision must come from him. It’s essential to communicate your feelings and concerns without creating an environment of pressure or ultimatum. Focus on fostering a supportive atmosphere where he feels safe to explore these options.