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My 22M GF 29F has no support system outside of me and is feeling miserable when I’m not there, how can I help? For context me and my gf have been together for ~6 months and are in a LDR (about an 11 hour drive away) in the US. She is such a loving and supporting partner and all I want to be is the same for her. Her family lives in France (she moved to the states ~6 years ago for various reasons that would take too long to explain) and has been living there since. We’ve seen each other many times even before dating and talk every day for hours. I listen to her problems and feel like I have a good eye for the difference between giving support and giving solutions for her. I just came back home from seeing her a few days ago and it was really rough on us. I’m still in school and have my family a few hours away so it’s easier for me to cope. She has a not so great apartment with very little friends (her family and friends are in France). She has great relationships with all of them it’s just a distance issue. Her love language is also physical proximity and touch which makes it extra difficult. I feel like a lot of days are now rough because while long distance sucks (we’re planning on moving in with each other in 2 years) I still enjoy our relationship as it is where I feel like she just is “holding on” to when we see each other again. I hate that she feels this way and I know she’s her own person but I want to help. I’ve given a lot of suggestions on how to help combat her loneliness depression (therapy, meds, seeing her family, making new friends, talking and playing video games with her online and French ones, etc.). Nothing seems to help and I don’t like the idea of any time we’re apart being sad since we only see each other once every 3-5 weeks. Any suggestions? Also moving to her country would be something we both don’t want since I’ll lose my support system and she says she feels like it’s a step back in her life. I don’t want to resent her but I feel pressure to spend as much time as possible with her to keep her from breaking down. TLDR: GF has no support system where she lives and is constantly lonely whenever I’m not there.

a month ago
69

It's commendable that you want to support your girlfriend during this challenging time. Long-distance relationships can be particularly tough, especially when one partner feels isolated. Here are some strategies you can consider to help her cope with loneliness while maintaining your own well-being:

1. Enhance Communication

While you already communicate daily, consider varying the types of communication you have. Here are some ideas:

  • Video Calls: Schedule regular video calls. Seeing each other can help bridge the emotional gap, especially since her love language is physical proximity.
  • Virtual Date Nights: Plan themed virtual date nights where you both watch a movie, cook the same meal, or play an online game together. This can create a sense of togetherness.
  • Voice Messages: Send her voice messages throughout the day. Hearing your voice can be comforting and make her feel connected to you.

2. Encourage Social Connections

While it may be difficult for her to make friends, you can encourage her to engage in activities that may lead to new connections:

  • Join Local Clubs or Classes: Suggest she join clubs or classes that align with her interests (e.g., cooking, art, or fitness). This can help her meet new people.
  • Online Communities: Encourage her to participate in online communities or forums related to her interests. This could help her find people with similar hobbies.
  • Reconnect with Old Friends: If she has friends from France or previous places, encourage her to reach out to them. Even a simple message can rekindle friendships.

3. Create a Supportive Environment

Help her create a more supportive and uplifting environment at home:

  • Personal Space Setup: Encourage her to personalize her apartment with items that bring her joy, such as pictures, plants, or decor that reminds her of happier times.
  • Routine Building: Help her establish a daily routine that includes self-care activities, exercise, and hobbies she enjoys. A structured day can provide a sense of purpose.

4. Suggest Professional Help

If she hasn't already, gently suggest she consider speaking to a mental health professional. Therapy can provide her with tools to cope with her feelings of loneliness and depression. You might say:

"I've noticed you seem to be feeling down, and I think talking to someone who can help might be beneficial. It’s completely normal, and I’ll support you in finding the right person."

5. Plan Future Visits

Having something to look forward to can be incredibly motivating. Discuss potential visits and plan activities for when you’re together:

  • Shorter Visits: If feasible, consider planning shorter, more frequent visits. This can help both of you feel more connected.
  • Travel Together: If she’s comfortable, plan trips to visit her friends or family in France. This can also help her feel more connected to her roots.

6. Balance Your Needs

While it's important to support her, remember to take care of your own mental health. Here are some tips:

  • Set Boundaries: Make sure to set boundaries around your availability. It's okay to prioritize your own needs and responsibilities, like school and family.
  • Engage in Your Support System: Make time for your family and friends. Engaging with your support system can help you maintain balance and prevent feelings of resentment.

7. Foster Independence

Encourage her to find joy in her own activities. Remind her that it's okay to enjoy time alone:

  • Hobbies and Interests: Encourage her to dive into hobbies that she enjoys or has always wanted to try. This can help her build confidence and independence.
  • Mindfulness and Self-Care: Suggest practices like mindfulness or journaling, which can help her process her feelings and improve her mental well-being.

Conclusion

Supporting your girlfriend while maintaining your own well-being is a delicate balance. Open communication, encouraging her social connections, and fostering independence can help her cope with loneliness. Remember that it's okay to take time for yourself, and seeking help from a professional can be a valuable step for her. Your love and support are important, but so is your own mental health.

Ultimately, navigating this situation requires patience and understanding from both sides. Continue to be there for her, but also remember to prioritize your own needs and boundaries.

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