It's completely understandable to feel hurt and confused after experiencing betrayal, especially when it comes from someone you care deeply about. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a challenging journey, and it’s essential to approach the situation thoughtfully.

First, let's consider the context of your relationship. You and your boyfriend have a history together, having dated in your early 20s. After a significant time apart, you both decided to reconnect and give your relationship another chance. This alone can bring a mixture of excitement and apprehension, as you both are navigating your adult lives with more responsibilities and experiences. The fact that you have a child adds another layer of complexity to your situation.

Now, regarding the incident at the holiday party, it’s crucial to analyze a few key aspects:

• The Nature of the Betrayal: A kiss, while it may seem less severe than other forms of infidelity, can still signify a breach of trust. Your boyfriend's actions, especially given that he initially downplayed the incident and deleted messages, suggest a lack of transparency. Trust is built on open communication, and his decision to hide this from you raises significant red flags.
• His Accountability: It's important to evaluate how he has responded since the incident. Did he take full responsibility for his actions, or does he still seem to deflect blame onto alcohol or the other person? True accountability involves acknowledging the impact of one's actions on the other person.
• Remorse and Regret: You mentioned that he expressed remorse, but it's essential to discern whether this remorse stems from genuine regret or simply from being caught. A true sign of remorse includes a commitment to change and a willingness to rebuild trust. Ask yourself if you see genuine efforts on his part to make amends.

In considering whether this relationship is worth pursuing, reflect on the following:

1. Your Feelings: How do you feel about him now? Can you envision a future together? It's crucial to listen to your gut feelings. If you feel that trust is irreparably damaged, it might be a sign to reconsider the relationship.
2. Boundaries and Expectations: If you choose to stay, set clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. Discuss what you both need to feel secure in the relationship. This might include more transparency, regular check-ins about feelings, and a commitment to addressing issues as they arise.
3. Therapy and Support: Since you're in the process of finding a therapist, this could be an excellent opportunity for you to explore your feelings and gain professional insight. Therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop strategies for communication and healing.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave is deeply personal. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and consider what you truly want in a partner. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If these elements are missing, it may be worth reevaluating your relationship.

Take your time to reflect on your feelings, and trust yourself to make the best decision for your happiness and future.