I'm so sorry you're going through this. The pain and betrayal you’re feeling are completely understandable, especially since this situation involves trust being violated in such a personal and intimate way. It’s incredibly difficult when someone you love and trust makes a decision that damages that trust, and it's normal to feel conflicted about how to move forward.

Here are a few things to consider as you process this:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:

You’re feeling hurt, betrayed, and shocked for very valid reasons. This was a breach of the trust you’ve built in your marriage, and it’s important to allow yourself to feel and process those emotions without guilt. It’s okay to not have clear answers right away on how to move forward. Take the time you need to work through your feelings, and don’t rush the healing process.

2. Communication with Your Husband:

Since he is claiming it was a "one-time mistake" and something that “meant nothing,” it’s important to have open, honest, and difficult conversations with him. If you haven't already, ask him to explain his actions in more detail. What led to that decision? What made him think it was okay? His answers may help you understand the situation better, though it’s understandable if you're still left with questions.

You also need to express how this makes you feel in order to ensure he understands the depth of the pain he’s caused. Rebuilding trust means being completely honest about where you're at emotionally and what you need from him moving forward.

3. Setting Boundaries:

If you decide to work through this, setting clear boundaries is crucial. Discuss what boundaries you need from him to feel secure and safe in your relationship moving forward. This might involve things like transparency with social media or messages, therapy, or anything else that helps rebuild the trust.

4. Consider Therapy (Both Individual and Couple’s Therapy):

It might be helpful for you individually to have a space to process your emotions with a therapist who can guide you in navigating the trauma and confusion of this experience. Couple’s therapy might also help both of you address any underlying issues in your marriage that might have contributed to the situation (even if that wasn’t his intent).

Additionally, the fact that you mentioned you have this secret now and can’t share it with close friends and family is something worth considering in therapy. Having a supportive network is critical during tough times, and your therapist can help you decide when and how to share your feelings with trusted loved ones.

5. Understand that Healing Takes Time:

The images and feelings of betrayal are going to stay with you for a while, and healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s important to give yourself grace and not expect yourself to just “get over it” quickly. Rebuilding trust is a long process, and it might take time before you can even imagine trusting him fully again.

6. Is This a Pattern or an Isolated Incident?

One question to ask yourself is whether you believe this behavior is truly a one-time lapse in judgment or if there might be a pattern you haven’t recognized before. If it’s an isolated incident, your healing may focus more on the shock of the betrayal itself. If you believe there may be deeper issues in your marriage, then those will need to be addressed as well.

7. Trust Your Instincts:

It’s okay to not know right now what the future holds for your relationship. Trust your instincts—whether that’s taking time apart, asking for more transparency, or deciding that rebuilding the relationship is what you want. Your healing journey is unique to you, and it’s okay if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.

You’re not alone in feeling the way you do, and many people have faced similar struggles in relationships. It’s possible to rebuild trust after infidelity or betrayal, but it requires both partners to be committed to understanding each other and working toward healing. However, it's also important to remember that your emotional well-being and happiness should always be prioritized, so make sure whatever decision you make aligns with what you truly need moving forward.