Hey there, I really need some advice. So, I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for almost a month now. We had a somewhat rocky and slow-starting friendship beforehand. We’re both in college, but since it's winter break, he’s currently back at his parents' house and doesn't have a car. So, when we hang out, we usually do it at his place, which means I met his parents really early on. The thing is, he didn’t tell them that we were officially in a relationship before I came over, and this is his first relationship, so I think he was just unsure about how to handle the situation. Anyway, I show up at his house around 10 pm after our date, bringing some Pasteles en hojas (a Dominican dish I made with my mom) as a gift. I’m super nervous, and his parents are obviously uncomfortable, but it goes okay. Now, here’s where I messed up… Later on, we go to the basement to hang out, cuddle, and eventually kiss for the first time (yay!). We end up talking the entire night and lose track of time. Before I know it, it’s 5:30 am. I pack up my things, give him a quick goodbye kiss, and head home. However, his dad was awake at the time, and apparently, this led to a big lecture the next day. According to what my boyfriend told me, his dad is suspicious of my intentions because I’m older and more independent, while his mom seems more relaxed as long as he stays safe. So, clearly, I didn’t make the best first impression. I’m visiting them tomorrow, and his dad won’t be there, but his mom will. They mentioned feeling uncomfortable with a stranger being in their house so late. I really want to apologize for overstaying and crossing their boundaries, but I’m unsure how to approach it without making things more awkward. I don’t want them to think I’m some older woman out to take advantage of their son. How should I apologize for this situation?

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Skyla Matty

Hey there, I really need some advice. So, I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for almost a month now. We had a somewhat rocky and slow-starting friendship beforehand. We’re both in college, but since it's winter break, he’s currently back at his parents' house and doesn't have a car. So, when we hang out, we usually do it at his place, which means I met his parents really early on. The thing is, he didn’t tell them that we were officially in a relationship before I came over, and this is his first relationship, so I think he was just unsure about how to handle the situation. Anyway, I show up at his house around 10 pm after our date, bringing some Pasteles en hojas (a Dominican dish I made with my mom) as a gift. I’m super nervous, and his parents are obviously uncomfortable, but it goes okay. Now, here’s where I messed up… Later on, we go to the basement to hang out, cuddle, and eventually kiss for the first time (yay!). We end up talking the entire night and lose track of time. Before I know it, it’s 5:30 am. I pack up my things, give him a quick goodbye kiss, and head home. However, his dad was awake at the time, and apparently, this led to a big lecture the next day. According to what my boyfriend told me, his dad is suspicious of my intentions because I’m older and more independent, while his mom seems more relaxed as long as he stays safe. So, clearly, I didn’t make the best first impression. I’m visiting them tomorrow, and his dad won’t be there, but his mom will. They mentioned feeling uncomfortable with a stranger being in their house so late. I really want to apologize for overstaying and crossing their boundaries, but I’m unsure how to approach it without making things more awkward. I don’t want them to think I’m some older woman out to take advantage of their son. How should I apologize for this situation?

a month ago

Apologizing to your boyfriend's parents is a thoughtful gesture that can help mend any misunderstandings from your first meeting. Here’s a detailed plan to navigate this situation with care and respect:

Be Sincere in Your Apology
When you meet his mom, start by expressing your genuine regret for overstaying. You might say something like:

"Hi, Mrs. [Last Name]. I wanted to take a moment to apologize for staying so late during my last visit. I truly didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable."

Explain the Situation Briefly
After your initial apology, it’s okay to provide a brief context. You can mention:

"I was having such a good time with [Boyfriend's Name] that I lost track of time. I understand the concern it raised, especially since it was my first time meeting you."

Reassure Them of Your Intentions
It’s important to clarify your intentions to ease any worries they might have:

"I really care about [Boyfriend's Name] and would never want to put him in a situation that makes him or you uncomfortable. I respect your family and your home."

Offer to Make Amends
Show that you are willing to take steps to ensure they feel more comfortable with you in the future:

"I’d love the chance to get to know you better, perhaps over dinner or coffee sometime when you feel comfortable."

Be Open to Their Response
After you’ve said your piece, give them space to respond. Listen carefully to what they say, and be open to their feelings. You can encourage dialogue by asking:

"How do you feel about everything? I want to make sure we’re all on the same page."

Additionally, remember that building a relationship with his parents will take time. It’s important to be patient and consistent in your efforts. Bringing a small gift, like another batch of Pasteles en hojas or a thoughtful treat, can also help break the ice and show that you appreciate their hospitality.

Lastly, consider discussing boundaries with your boyfriend. It might help him to communicate with his parents about your relationship status and ensure they understand your intentions better. This could alleviate some pressure from both you and them.

Good luck with your visit! Your thoughtfulness and willingness to apologize will surely make a positive impact.

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