It sounds like you’re facing a challenging situation regarding naming your future children, and it’s understandable that both you and your boyfriend have strong feelings about this topic. Naming a child is indeed a significant decision that can reflect not only personal preferences but also family heritage and values.

First, it’s important to acknowledge that both you and your boyfriend have valid perspectives. Your boyfriend likely sees naming his daughter after his grandmother as a way to honor her influence in his life, especially given his challenging upbringing. This can be a deeply emotional topic for him, as names often carry familial significance and can symbolize connections to one’s past.

On the other hand, your feelings are equally important. You’re right to assert that choosing a name is a mutual decision in a relationship, and it’s essential for both partners to feel comfortable and valued in that process. Here are some points to consider moving forward:

• Open Communication: Have an open dialogue with your boyfriend about why the name is important to him and why it doesn’t resonate with you. Understanding each other’s perspectives can help bridge the gap.
• Compromise: While you suggested using the name as a middle name, it might help to explore other compromises. For example, could you find a name that has a similar meaning or origin that both of you like? This way, you honor his grandmother while also choosing a name you feel more comfortable with.
• Consider Future Children: Since your boyfriend mentioned that you could name the rest of the children as you like, discuss how that might play out in practice. Would this create a feeling of imbalance or resentment later on? It’s essential to ensure that both partners feel equally involved in naming decisions for all children.
• Seek Professional Guidance: If this issue continues to create tension, consider speaking with a relationship counselor. A neutral third party can help facilitate the conversation and guide both of you toward a resolution.
• Reflect on Values: Think about what values you want to instill in your children regarding family and names. This can help clarify what’s most important to you both and can lead to a more meaningful discussion.

In the end, it’s crucial to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Relationships often require compromise, but it’s also essential that both partners feel heard and respected. Finding a solution that honors both your feelings and your boyfriend’s desires will strengthen your partnership and set a positive tone for your future family.

Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for both of you, and with open communication and collaboration, you can navigate this decision together.