It's understandable that you are feeling a mix of emotions after this experience, and the situation has undoubtedly created a strain on your relationship. Here are some steps you can consider to help both you and your partner move forward:

1. Open Communication

Start by having an honest and open conversation with your partner. It's crucial to express your feelings and to encourage him to share his as well. Here are some tips for this conversation:

• Choose the Right Time: Find a quiet moment when both of you are calm to discuss these sensitive topics.
• Share Your Feelings: Explain how the miscarriage has affected you emotionally and physically. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel sad and alone right now" instead of "You don’t understand my pain."
• Listen Actively: Allow him to share his feelings about the situation and the trust issues that have arisen. Validate his feelings, even if you don’t fully agree with them.

2. Acknowledge the Emotional Impact

Both of you have gone through a significant emotional event. Acknowledge that it’s normal to have conflicting feelings about the situation. You might feel relief, sadness, and confusion, all at once. Here are some points to consider:

• Grieving Together: Encourage him to understand that you are grieving not only the pregnancy but also the potential for a future that you both had discussed.
• Seek Professional Help: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in reproductive health or relationship issues. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through the trust issues.

3. Rebuild Trust

Trust can be rebuilt over time through consistent actions and communication. Here are some ways to work on this:

• Set Boundaries: Discuss what both of you need in terms of support and communication going forward. Setting clear expectations can help both of you feel more secure.
• Be Transparent: If you have concerns in the future regarding contraception or pregnancy, communicate them openly before they escalate into a crisis.
• Reaffirm Your Commitment: Remind each other of your shared values and goals for the future, including your mutual decision not to have children.

4. Focus on Healing

Healing after a miscarriage can take time. Here are some self-care strategies you can adopt:

• Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that help you feel better, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive friends.
• Give Yourself Time: Understand that healing emotionally and physically may take time, and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions.
• Join a Support Group: Sometimes, sharing experiences with others who have gone through similar situations can be comforting. Look for local or online support groups for individuals who have experienced miscarriages.

5. Future Discussions

Since both of you have expressed a desire not to have children, it may be beneficial to revisit your discussions about contraception and future family planning:

• Review Contraceptive Options: Explore different contraceptive methods that may provide you both with peace of mind. This could involve discussing the effectiveness of various methods and possibly consulting a healthcare professional.
• Plan for Future Scenarios: While it’s difficult to predict how you will feel about a potential pregnancy in the future, creating a plan together can help both of you feel more prepared and aligned.

Conclusion

Moving forward will require patience, understanding, and commitment from both of you. It's important to remember that emotional reactions can often be unpredictable, and it's okay to navigate these feelings together. By focusing on open communication, trust-building, and healing, you can work towards a stronger relationship.

Lastly, remember that you are not alone in this experience, and seeking support—whether from friends, family, or professionals—can be incredibly beneficial. Take care of yourself during this challenging time.