I’m 16, in a long-distance relationship with my 16-year-old boyfriend. We’ve been together for five months, but his behavior has been increasingly confusing. Right now, he’s in Ireland for summer while I’m in Australia, so time zones affect our communication. Lately, he’s been distant, and it’s leaving me unsure of where I stand. His effort has been inconsistent, and when I confront him, he usually becomes more attentive for a while, but it’s only temporary. He used to be very affectionate and would message me all the time, even doing things like going behind his parents' backs to keep in touch, and he gave me thoughtful gifts. However, as time passed, he’s stopped putting in the same effort. Sometimes, he doesn’t reply to me for days or gives me short, dry answers. He also lied about sharing something personal I told him with his best friend, and while he apologized, he never really took responsibility for it. I’ve tried talking to him about my feelings twice, and the first time, he apologized and said I’m important to him. The second time, he suggested we break up, but then he went back to normal like nothing happened. He’s also been distant in public, acting like we’re just friends at school, even though people know we’re together. When I ask him about it, he says he doesn’t know what to talk about or that we’ve run out of things to say. I’ve put in a lot of effort, giving him gifts and writing him thoughtful messages, but he hasn’t been reciprocating the same way. Before he left for Ireland, he promised to message me often, but he only replies if I text first, and sometimes not at all. When I stopped texting to see if he would reach out, he didn’t. After I sent a breakup message, he seemed sad but didn’t fight to stay in touch, and even when I tried reconnecting, he remained distant. Although he’s a quiet and reserved person, it feels like he’s stopped putting in the effort, and it hurts because I still care about him and remember the good times. I feel stuck because, despite everything, I can’t help but miss the way things used to be.

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Lila Allyn

I’m 16, in a long-distance relationship with my 16-year-old boyfriend. We’ve been together for five months, but his behavior has been increasingly confusing. Right now, he’s in Ireland for summer while I’m in Australia, so time zones affect our communication. Lately, he’s been distant, and it’s leaving me unsure of where I stand. His effort has been inconsistent, and when I confront him, he usually becomes more attentive for a while, but it’s only temporary. He used to be very affectionate and would message me all the time, even doing things like going behind his parents' backs to keep in touch, and he gave me thoughtful gifts. However, as time passed, he’s stopped putting in the same effort. Sometimes, he doesn’t reply to me for days or gives me short, dry answers. He also lied about sharing something personal I told him with his best friend, and while he apologized, he never really took responsibility for it. I’ve tried talking to him about my feelings twice, and the first time, he apologized and said I’m important to him. The second time, he suggested we break up, but then he went back to normal like nothing happened. He’s also been distant in public, acting like we’re just friends at school, even though people know we’re together. When I ask him about it, he says he doesn’t know what to talk about or that we’ve run out of things to say. I’ve put in a lot of effort, giving him gifts and writing him thoughtful messages, but he hasn’t been reciprocating the same way. Before he left for Ireland, he promised to message me often, but he only replies if I text first, and sometimes not at all. When I stopped texting to see if he would reach out, he didn’t. After I sent a breakup message, he seemed sad but didn’t fight to stay in touch, and even when I tried reconnecting, he remained distant. Although he’s a quiet and reserved person, it feels like he’s stopped putting in the effort, and it hurts because I still care about him and remember the good times. I feel stuck because, despite everything, I can’t help but miss the way things used to be.

a month ago

It sounds like you're going through a really tough situation, and it's completely understandable to feel confused and hurt. Relationships, especially at your age, can be incredibly complex, especially when distance and time zones are involved. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate this challenging time:

1. Reflect on His Behavior

It's important to take a step back and objectively evaluate his behavior. You mentioned that he was very attentive at the beginning of your relationship but has since become distant. This shift can be concerning. Ask yourself:

Has there been a specific event or change in his life that might explain his behavior?
Is he under stress from other factors, such as family or school, that could be impacting his ability to communicate?
Does he seem genuinely interested in resolving the issues, or does he dismiss them?

2. Communicate Openly

You’ve already made efforts to communicate your feelings, which is great. However, consider having a more direct conversation with him. Instead of lengthy messages, try a straightforward approach:

"I feel like there’s been a distance between us lately, and it’s really affecting how I feel about our relationship. Can we talk about it?"

This invites him to share his thoughts while expressing your feelings clearly.

3. Set Boundaries

It’s crucial to establish what you need in a relationship. If he continues to leave you on read or doesn’t respond adequately, it might be worth considering what you’re willing to tolerate:

Let him know that consistent communication is important to you.
If he doesn’t meet your needs, you might need to reassess the relationship.

4. Consider His Commitment

His reluctance to show affection in public and his inconsistent communication could indicate a lack of commitment. It’s essential to discuss how both of you perceive the relationship:

"I feel like we’re not on the same page about our relationship. Can you share how you see us?"

5. Focus on Yourself

In situations where you feel emotionally drained, it’s vital to prioritize your well-being. Engage in activities that make you happy, spend time with friends, and focus on personal growth. This can help you gain clarity on what you want.

6. Evaluate the Relationship

If his behavior continues to hurt you, it might be necessary to evaluate whether this relationship is healthy for you. Ask yourself:

Do you feel valued and respected?
Is he making an effort to resolve issues?
Are you both growing together, or is the relationship holding you back?

7. Seek Support

Talk to friends or family members about what you're going through. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide valuable insights and help you make a decision.

Conclusion

It’s clear that you care deeply for him, but your feelings are equally important. A healthy relationship should be built on mutual respect, effort, and communication. If you find that he is unwilling to meet you halfway, it may be time to consider moving on. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being.

Take your time to think things through, and remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved and valued.

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