I met this girl at work, and she’s really nice. We exchanged numbers and started talking, but I’ve always kept it professional because I see her as just a friend. Recently, however, she’s been dropping hints that she wants something more, and that’s not something I’m looking for right now, especially since I just got out of a relationship. We’ve been talking for about a month, and it’s become clear that she’s developed feelings for me. She’s even started acting like we’re in a relationship, calling me “babe” and doing things that feel like we’re dating, even though we’re not. It’s making me feel like the whole situation is wrong, and I want it to end. I generally avoid getting involved with coworkers, but the reason I started talking to her in the first place is because she recently lost her mother. She seemed really lost, and I didn’t want her to lose her job too. I’ve lost both of my parents, so I understand what she’s going through, and I just wanted to be there for her. Now though, I feel guilty for getting close to her because she’s become so attached. I’ve told her that I don’t want a relationship, but she continues to act as though we are in one. The tough part is that I’m afraid of being too blunt with her, especially because she’s confided in me that I’m the only reason she’s holding on. I’m really struggling with this because I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t keep going like this. How can I be honest with her and end things without causing her too much pain? I truly don’t want to hurt her, but I know I can’t keep leading her on like this. Answer & Advice: It sounds like you're in a very difficult position, and it's understandable that you're struggling with how to handle this situation with care. Here’s some advice on how to approach it: Be Honest, But Compassionate: The most important thing here is to be honest with her, but also gentle and compassionate. It's clear that you care about her well-being, but continuing this dynamic will only cause more confusion and hurt in the long run. It's essential to communicate your feelings, and while it's tough, being upfront will ultimately be the kindest thing in the long run. You might say something like, “I really care about you as a friend, and I want to be here for you, but I don’t feel the same way romantically. I think it's important that we're clear with each other so that we can both move forward in a healthy way.” Acknowledge Her Feelings: It's clear that she’s attached to you, and it’s important to acknowledge her emotions in a caring way. Let her know that you understand she’s been going through a tough time, and you appreciate how much she’s opened up to you. However, it's also important to let her know that you can’t continue to lead her on in a way that isn’t fair to either of you. Acknowledging her grief and pain, and reminding her that you’re there as a friend, can help her feel heard and respected. Offer Support (But Set Boundaries): It’s understandable that you want to help her, but it’s also crucial to establish clear boundaries to avoid leading her on further. You can still be supportive as a friend without giving her the impression that you're romantically involved. Let her know that you're happy to offer emotional support, but that it needs to be within the context of a platonic relationship. This can be difficult, but it's important to be consistent in your actions and words. Respect Her Healing Process: She might feel upset or hurt by the conversation, and that’s a natural reaction. Give her space to process her emotions, and be patient. It might take some time for her to adjust to the reality that the relationship is not going to evolve in the way she had hoped, but it's better to address this now than allow it to continue and potentially cause more harm down the line. Don’t Take on Her Emotional Burden: While it's important to be empathetic, remember that you're not responsible for her emotional state, especially if she expresses feelings of extreme dependence on you. It’s crucial that you do what’s right for both your emotional health and hers. If you feel concerned about her well-being, encourage her to seek support from other friends, family members, or a professional who can help her process her emotions in a healthy way. In the end, while it’s incredibly difficult to let her down, you’re doing her a favor by being honest. Over time, she will likely come to understand that this was the right thing for both of you, even if it’s hard at first. Setting healthy boundaries and being clear about your intentions will allow both of you to heal and move forward.

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Pip Bronwyn

I met this girl at work, and she’s really nice. We exchanged numbers and started talking, but I’ve always kept it professional because I see her as just a friend. Recently, however, she’s been dropping hints that she wants something more, and that’s not something I’m looking for right now, especially since I just got out of a relationship. We’ve been talking for about a month, and it’s become clear that she’s developed feelings for me. She’s even started acting like we’re in a relationship, calling me “babe” and doing things that feel like we’re dating, even though we’re not. It’s making me feel like the whole situation is wrong, and I want it to end. I generally avoid getting involved with coworkers, but the reason I started talking to her in the first place is because she recently lost her mother. She seemed really lost, and I didn’t want her to lose her job too. I’ve lost both of my parents, so I understand what she’s going through, and I just wanted to be there for her. Now though, I feel guilty for getting close to her because she’s become so attached. I’ve told her that I don’t want a relationship, but she continues to act as though we are in one. The tough part is that I’m afraid of being too blunt with her, especially because she’s confided in me that I’m the only reason she’s holding on. I’m really struggling with this because I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t keep going like this. How can I be honest with her and end things without causing her too much pain? I truly don’t want to hurt her, but I know I can’t keep leading her on like this. Answer & Advice: It sounds like you're in a very difficult position, and it's understandable that you're struggling with how to handle this situation with care. Here’s some advice on how to approach it: Be Honest, But Compassionate: The most important thing here is to be honest with her, but also gentle and compassionate. It's clear that you care about her well-being, but continuing this dynamic will only cause more confusion and hurt in the long run. It's essential to communicate your feelings, and while it's tough, being upfront will ultimately be the kindest thing in the long run. You might say something like, “I really care about you as a friend, and I want to be here for you, but I don’t feel the same way romantically. I think it's important that we're clear with each other so that we can both move forward in a healthy way.” Acknowledge Her Feelings: It's clear that she’s attached to you, and it’s important to acknowledge her emotions in a caring way. Let her know that you understand she’s been going through a tough time, and you appreciate how much she’s opened up to you. However, it's also important to let her know that you can’t continue to lead her on in a way that isn’t fair to either of you. Acknowledging her grief and pain, and reminding her that you’re there as a friend, can help her feel heard and respected. Offer Support (But Set Boundaries): It’s understandable that you want to help her, but it’s also crucial to establish clear boundaries to avoid leading her on further. You can still be supportive as a friend without giving her the impression that you're romantically involved. Let her know that you're happy to offer emotional support, but that it needs to be within the context of a platonic relationship. This can be difficult, but it's important to be consistent in your actions and words. Respect Her Healing Process: She might feel upset or hurt by the conversation, and that’s a natural reaction. Give her space to process her emotions, and be patient. It might take some time for her to adjust to the reality that the relationship is not going to evolve in the way she had hoped, but it's better to address this now than allow it to continue and potentially cause more harm down the line. Don’t Take on Her Emotional Burden: While it's important to be empathetic, remember that you're not responsible for her emotional state, especially if she expresses feelings of extreme dependence on you. It’s crucial that you do what’s right for both your emotional health and hers. If you feel concerned about her well-being, encourage her to seek support from other friends, family members, or a professional who can help her process her emotions in a healthy way. In the end, while it’s incredibly difficult to let her down, you’re doing her a favor by being honest. Over time, she will likely come to understand that this was the right thing for both of you, even if it’s hard at first. Setting healthy boundaries and being clear about your intentions will allow both of you to heal and move forward.

a month ago

It sounds like you're in a very difficult position, and it's understandable that you're struggling with how to handle this situation with care. Here’s some advice on how to approach it:

Be Honest, But Compassionate

The most important thing here is to be honest with her, but also gentle and compassionate. It's clear that you care about her well-being, but continuing this dynamic will only cause more confusion and hurt in the long run. It's essential to communicate your feelings, and while it's tough, being upfront will ultimately be the kindest thing in the long run. You might say something like:

“I really care about you as a friend, and I want to be here for you, but I don’t feel the same way romantically. I think it's important that we're clear with each other so that we can both move forward in a healthy way.”

Acknowledge Her Feelings

It's clear that she’s attached to you, and it’s important to acknowledge her emotions in a caring way. Let her know that you understand she’s been going through a tough time, and you appreciate how much she’s opened up to you. However, it's also important to let her know that you can’t continue to lead her on in a way that isn’t fair to either of you. Acknowledging her grief and pain, and reminding her that you’re there as a friend, can help her feel heard and respected.

Offer Support (But Set Boundaries)

It’s understandable that you want to help her, but it’s also crucial to establish clear boundaries to avoid leading her on further. You can still be supportive as a friend without giving her the impression that you're romantically involved. Let her know that you're happy to offer emotional support, but that it needs to be within the context of a platonic relationship. This can be difficult, but it's important to be consistent in your actions and words.

Respect Her Healing Process

She might feel upset or hurt by the conversation, and that’s a natural reaction. Give her space to process her emotions, and be patient. It might take some time for her to adjust to the reality that the relationship is not going to evolve in the way she had hoped, but it's better to address this now than allow it to continue and potentially cause more harm down the line.

Don’t Take on Her Emotional Burden

While it's important to be empathetic, remember that you're not responsible for her emotional state, especially if she expresses feelings of extreme dependence on you. It’s crucial that you do what’s right for both your emotional health and hers. If you feel concerned about her well-being, encourage her to seek support from other friends, family members, or a professional who can help her process her emotions in a healthy way.

In the end, while it’s incredibly difficult to let her down, you’re doing her a favor by being honest. Over time, she will likely come to understand that this was the right thing for both of you, even if it’s hard at first. Setting healthy boundaries and being clear about your intentions will allow both of you to heal and move forward.

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