I’m 26, and my boyfriend, also 26, has been struggling with undiagnosed mental health issues for a while now, and it’s causing a significant strain on our 7.5-year relationship. His anxiety has escalated, and he overthinks everything, often leading to sleepless nights. He also has anger management issues, which result in him throwing and breaking things, often triggered by his anxiety. He has had issues at work and with both our families. It’s become increasingly difficult for me because I never know what mood he’ll be in, and I feel like I have to cover up his issues for him. I try to protect him from our families by hiding what’s going on, but his behavior has become erratic. He constantly expresses how everyone hates him, even when there’s no evidence of it, which has led to me distancing him from family events. He tells me to change plans or uninvite people without warning, and I feel stuck in a cycle where I am being forced to explain his actions. The constant negativity is weighing on me. I am a generally happy person and don’t take things for granted, but his mindset is making it hard for me to maintain my own positivity. He used to be someone I loved deeply, but now I barely recognize him. Despite repeatedly offering him help and suggesting he seek therapy, he hasn’t followed through. This has been an ongoing issue for the past year, and I’m starting to feel lost and unsure of how to handle it. I’m wondering if things can improve, or if this is the end of our relationship.

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Amora Calanthia

I’m 26, and my boyfriend, also 26, has been struggling with undiagnosed mental health issues for a while now, and it’s causing a significant strain on our 7.5-year relationship. His anxiety has escalated, and he overthinks everything, often leading to sleepless nights. He also has anger management issues, which result in him throwing and breaking things, often triggered by his anxiety. He has had issues at work and with both our families. It’s become increasingly difficult for me because I never know what mood he’ll be in, and I feel like I have to cover up his issues for him. I try to protect him from our families by hiding what’s going on, but his behavior has become erratic. He constantly expresses how everyone hates him, even when there’s no evidence of it, which has led to me distancing him from family events. He tells me to change plans or uninvite people without warning, and I feel stuck in a cycle where I am being forced to explain his actions. The constant negativity is weighing on me. I am a generally happy person and don’t take things for granted, but his mindset is making it hard for me to maintain my own positivity. He used to be someone I loved deeply, but now I barely recognize him. Despite repeatedly offering him help and suggesting he seek therapy, he hasn’t followed through. This has been an ongoing issue for the past year, and I’m starting to feel lost and unsure of how to handle it. I’m wondering if things can improve, or if this is the end of our relationship.

a month ago

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time in your relationship. Managing a partner's mental health issues, especially when they manifest as anxiety and anger, can be overwhelming and often leaves the partner feeling lost and unsure of how to proceed. Here are some considerations and steps you might take to help both yourself and your boyfriend:

Understanding Mental Health Issues

First, it's essential to recognize that mental health issues, like anxiety and anger management problems, can significantly impact relationships. Anxiety can distort thoughts and perceptions, leading individuals to feel isolated and misunderstood. Your boyfriend's feelings of hatred towards others and the belief that "everyone hates me" are common symptoms of anxiety, which can warp reality and exacerbate feelings of loneliness.

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship, especially when one partner is struggling with mental health issues. It may be helpful to have a calm conversation with your boyfriend about how his actions and words affect you. Using "I" statements can be beneficial. For example:

Instead of saying: "You are always angry and it's ruining our relationship."
Try saying: "I feel anxious when I see you getting angry, and it's affecting how I feel about our relationship."

Encouraging Professional Help

While it’s great that your boyfriend has expressed a desire to seek help, it can be frustrating when he hasn't taken action. You might consider gently encouraging him to take that step by offering to help him find a therapist or even suggesting he accompany you to a mental health workshop or support group. If he is resistant, you could express your concerns about your relationship and how seeking help could benefit both of you.

Setting Boundaries

It's essential to set boundaries for your own mental health. You mentioned feeling overwhelmed and trying to cover up his issues for family and friends, which can lead to feelings of isolation for you. It's okay to set limits on how much you can handle. You might say something like:

"I care about you and want to support you, but I also need to take care of my own mental health. I cannot attend family events together if you feel you might react negatively."

Seeking Support for Yourself

Consider seeking support for yourself. This could be through therapy or support groups for partners of individuals with mental health issues. Having a safe space to express your feelings and frustrations can be incredibly liberating and can provide you with coping strategies.

Reflecting on Your Relationship

After 7.5 years together, it’s understandable to feel that your boyfriend is not the same person you fell in love with. Relationships evolve, and sometimes they can become strained when one partner faces significant challenges. Take time to reflect on what you want in a relationship and whether you see a future with him, especially if he continues to resist seeking help.

Conclusion

While it's possible for things to get back on track, it will require effort from both sides. Your boyfriend needs to recognize his issues and take steps toward getting help, while you need to prioritize your mental health. It’s a difficult balance, but with open communication, professional guidance, and mutual support, it’s possible to navigate this challenging time.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. You deserve to be in a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment.

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