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I recently discovered that my boyfriend lied about when he broke up with his ex. He had told me that they broke up 3 months before we started talking, but I found out it was actually only 2 weeks. When I confronted him, he admitted that he lied because he was worried I wouldn’t give him a chance if I knew how recent the breakup was. We spent 3 months getting to know each other before becoming official, so it wasn’t like we rushed things right away. I feel hurt by the lie, but I understand why he did it. Now I’m torn between letting it go since it happened in the past or seeing it as a red flag. TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend lied about when his breakup happened. He said it was 3 months ago, but it was only 2 weeks. He claimed he lied because he was afraid I wouldn’t give him a chance if I knew how recent it was. Should I let it go or is this a red flag? Answer & Advice: It's completely natural to feel hurt and confused after discovering that your boyfriend lied about something important, even if his intentions were to protect the relationship. Here's some advice to help you navigate this situation: Consider His Intentions: It seems like his lie was motivated by fear rather than malicious intent. He might have been worried that his recent breakup would make you hesitant to pursue a relationship with him. While this doesn’t excuse the lie, it’s worth considering that his reasoning came from a place of insecurity rather than deceit. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel hurt, and your feelings are valid. Trust is a key part of any relationship, and when that trust is shaken—even for what seems like a harmless reason—it can leave you questioning things. Take some time to reflect on how this lie makes you feel about his honesty moving forward. Evaluate the Bigger Picture: This situation alone doesn’t necessarily indicate a red flag. It's important to look at the overall dynamic in your relationship. Has he been honest and trustworthy in other aspects of your relationship? One lie doesn't define someone entirely, but if this pattern of dishonesty continues, it could signal a deeper issue. Have a Clear Conversation: If you're unsure about how to move forward, it might help to have an open conversation with him. Express how you feel about the lie and how it affects your trust. This will also give you a better sense of whether he truly values honesty and transparency in your relationship. Set Boundaries for the Future: Use this situation as an opportunity to discuss boundaries and expectations regarding honesty. Reassure each other about the importance of open communication and trust moving forward. If he’s truly remorseful and committed to being honest, it could strengthen your bond. Let It Go, or Address It More Deeply? Ultimately, whether you let it go or not depends on your feelings and the importance of trust in your relationship. If the lie feels like a one-off situation and he’s genuinely apologetic, it might be worth letting it go. However, if it leaves you feeling uncertain, it’s worth addressing it in more depth before moving forward. In Summary: While this lie is hurtful, it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. If his actions moving forward show that he’s committed to honesty, it may be worth letting this incident go. However, make sure you communicate openly with him about how it affected you and set clear expectations for the future. Trust is essential, and it’s important to assess whether this situation was an isolated issue or part of a broader pattern.

a month ago
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It's completely natural to feel hurt and confused after discovering that your boyfriend lied about something significant, even if his intentions were to protect the relationship. Here’s some advice to help you navigate this situation:

Consider His Intentions

It seems that his lie was motivated by fear rather than malicious intent. He might have been worried that his recent breakup would make you hesitant to pursue a relationship with him. While this doesn’t excuse the lie, it’s worth considering that his reasoning came from a place of insecurity rather than deceit. For example, many people fear rejection and might embellish the truth to avoid jeopardizing a budding relationship.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's okay to feel hurt, and your feelings are valid. Trust is a key part of any relationship, and when that trust is shaken—even for what seems like a harmless reason—it can leave you questioning things. Take some time to reflect on how this lie influences your feelings about his honesty moving forward. Journaling your thoughts or talking to a trusted friend can help clarify your emotions.

Evaluate the Bigger Picture

This situation alone doesn’t necessarily indicate a red flag. It's important to look at the overall dynamic in your relationship. Has he been honest and trustworthy in other aspects? For instance, if he has been transparent about other topics, it might suggest that this was an isolated incident rather than a pattern. However, if you notice other instances of dishonesty, it could signal a deeper issue.

Have a Clear Conversation

If you're unsure about how to move forward, it might help to have an open conversation with him. Express how you feel about the lie and how it affects your trust. For example, you could say, "When I found out about the timeline of your breakup, it made me question how much I can trust you." This will also give you a better sense of whether he truly values honesty and transparency in your relationship.

Set Boundaries for the Future

Use this situation as an opportunity to discuss boundaries and expectations regarding honesty. Reassure each other about the importance of open communication and trust moving forward. If he’s genuinely remorseful and committed to being honest, it could strengthen your bond. You might agree on a principle of full disclosure about past relationships, which can help build a stronger foundation for your relationship.

Let It Go, or Address It More Deeply?

Ultimately, whether you let it go or not depends on your feelings and the importance of trust in your relationship. If the lie feels like a one-off situation and he’s genuinely apologetic, it might be worth letting it go. However, if it leaves you feeling uncertain, it’s worth addressing it in more depth before moving forward. Consider asking yourself questions like, "Can I trust him to be honest in the future?" or "Do I feel secure in our relationship?"

In Summary

While this lie is hurtful, it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. If his actions moving forward show that he’s committed to honesty, it may be worth letting this incident go. However, make sure you communicate openly with him about how it affected you and set clear expectations for the future. Trust is essential, and it’s important to assess whether this situation was an isolated issue or part of a broader pattern.

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