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I’m 28F, and my boyfriend (31M) and I have been together for over 3 years, living together for 2. We have a strong bond—we’re both autistic/ADHD game nerds who love gaming together, sometimes with friends. We’re pretty social, and although he has Asperger’s, he has a lot of friends due to his involvement in sports. I’m usually quite social as well. On New Year’s Eve, we went to his friend’s place for some drinks and fun. Things took a bad turn when he drank a lot of whiskey and then took a bag of ketamine. After that, he became unconscious and barely breathing. I had to call 911, and it was a terrifying experience. He’s now signed up for an addiction clinic and is having conversations about his behavior, but I’m struggling with trusting or respecting him again. The sober version of him is the sweet, nerdy boyfriend I love, but the drunk and high version wrecked everything we had. We’ve just bought a house together and were in a good place before this happened. I’m lost right now and don’t know how to move forward. Will this ever get better?

a month ago
996

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how incredibly difficult and distressing this situation must be for you. Witnessing someone you care about lose control due to substance use is traumatic, and it's completely normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions, including fear, anger, sadness, and confusion.

It's important to remember that recovery from substance use issues, while challenging, is possible. Here are some considerations and steps you might take moving forward:

1. Understand Addiction

Addiction is a complex condition that affects both the brain and behavior. The fact that your boyfriend has recognized his problem and is taking steps by signing up for an addiction clinic is a positive sign. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, treatment can help individuals learn to manage their addiction and regain control of their lives.

2. Focus on Communication

Open and honest communication is crucial in rebuilding trust and respect. Consider having a conversation with him about how his actions affected you. Share your feelings without blaming him; for example, you might say, "I felt terrified and helpless when you were unconscious. It made me question our future together." This approach can foster understanding and empathy.

3. Set Boundaries

While you may want to support him, it’s also essential to protect your own emotional well-being. Setting boundaries can help you maintain a healthy relationship. For instance, you might decide that you need to take a break from social events involving alcohol until you feel more secure. Clearly communicate these boundaries to him.

4. Seek Support for Yourself

Consider reaching out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide support during this challenging time. Joining a support group for partners of individuals with addiction can also be beneficial. Organizations like Al-Anon offer resources and community for those affected by someone else's drinking.

5. Encourage Continued Treatment

Support him in his recovery journey by encouraging him to attend therapy sessions, support groups, or any activities that promote sobriety. Understanding the underlying issues that may contribute to his substance use, such as stress or anxiety, can be crucial for long-term recovery.

6. Focus on the Positive Aspects

Remind yourself of the qualities that drew you to him in the first place. Engage in activities that you both enjoy, like gaming or having quiet nights in. This can help reinforce the bond you share and provide a sense of normalcy.

7. Be Patient

Recovery is a process that takes time. There may be setbacks along the way, and it’s important to be patient with both him and yourself. Celebrate small victories together, like a week of sobriety, and acknowledge the effort he is putting into his recovery.

Ultimately, it’s important to assess whether you feel safe and respected in the relationship as he works through his recovery. If you find that trust and respect do not return over time, you may need to consider what is best for your own mental health and future.

In summary, while the road ahead may be challenging, there is hope for healing and rebuilding your relationship. With open communication, support, and a commitment to recovery, many couples have successfully navigated similar situations. It’s vital to prioritize your own well-being as you move forward.

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