It sounds like you're grappling with some significant concerns about your relationship, and it's understandable to question whether it's functioning as it should. Here are some points to consider that might help clarify your feelings and guide your next steps:

Communication and Effort

Healthy relationships often thrive on open communication and mutual effort. It seems like you've made considerable sacrifices and efforts in the past, even when you were working long hours. Your desire for him to reciprocate that effort is valid. When partners are distant or fail to make time for each other, it can lead to feelings of neglect or insecurity.

For example, you mentioned that you would have appreciated even small gestures, like grabbing coffee when he was nearby. It’s important for both partners to feel valued and prioritized, especially during challenging times.

Support During Tough Times

Support during significant life changes, such as your recent career choice, is crucial. You expressed a need for emotional support during a stressful decision-making period, which is a reasonable expectation in a loving relationship. His lack of awareness about your struggles and his absence during this time may indicate a disconnect in your emotional needs.

Consider this: when you were facing a critical career decision, you needed him to be there for you, and yet he seemed unaware of your emotional turmoil. This pattern of behavior can create a sense of isolation and frustration.

Listening and Engagement

Being attentive and engaged in conversations is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. If he frequently forgets what you've discussed, it might suggest a lack of attentiveness or prioritization of your conversations. This can lead to feelings of being undervalued or unheard.

For instance, if you share your thoughts and he doesn’t remember them, it can feel like what you say doesn’t matter to him. This is not conducive to building a strong emotional connection.

Reciprocity and Balance

Relationships should ideally be reciprocal. If you find yourself feeling like the effort is one-sided, it can lead to resentment. You mentioned that you are now hesitant to put in more effort because you feel unappreciated. This is a common reaction when one partner feels like they are giving more than they are receiving.

In healthy relationships, both partners should feel invested and willing to make sacrifices for one another. Consider whether his actions align with his words. While he may express that the relationship is important, his actions may not reflect that sentiment.

Future Considerations

Given the distance and recent changes in your circumstances, it’s essential to evaluate how you both envision the future of your relationship. Do you share similar goals and values? Are you both willing to adapt and grow together? These questions can help you determine whether the relationship can evolve to meet both of your needs.

It might be beneficial to have an honest conversation with him about your feelings and the concerns you've outlined. Express your needs clearly and see how he responds. A willingness to engage in dialogue about these issues can be a positive sign.

Seeking Support

If you find it challenging to navigate these feelings on your own, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable insights and strategies for improving communication and addressing your relationship concerns.

Conclusion

Ultimately, a relationship should be a source of support, love, and growth. If you continue to feel unfulfilled and unsupported, it may be worth considering whether this relationship aligns with your long-term happiness and emotional health. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek a relationship that meets your needs.