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I (24F) moved abroad 5 months ago while my fiancé (28M) still lives in our home country. We've been together for a few years and got engaged last year. Since moving, I've had to make new friends, and while I mostly hang out with girls, I've also made two guy friends. Sometimes we hang out in a group, but when our friends aren't available, I sometimes end up spending time alone with one of them. This usually happens at events like university scavenger hunts or live music scenes. I’m wondering if it’s awkward or weird to hang out alone with a guy friend since I’m engaged. My fiancé has female colleagues he’s friends with, but they always hang out in groups, and that doesn’t bother me because I trust him. However, I think I would feel uncomfortable if he spent time alone with a female friend. The situation is different for me because I’m abroad and trying to build a new circle of friends. Back home, I hung out with my friends, mostly in groups, and it never felt weird. I haven’t discussed this with my fiancé because I think he might feel insecure or upset about it, but I’m trying to figure out if this is a normal response or how to handle it. To be clear, I'm not actively trying to hang out alone with this guy, but I do enjoy our conversations about topics I don’t often talk about with my fiancé or other friends.

a month ago
37

It’s entirely normal to feel apprehensive about hanging out alone with friends of the opposite gender, especially when you’re engaged. However, the context of your situation adds layers that should be considered before labeling it as “weird.” Here are some factors to keep in mind:

1. Trust and Communication

Trust is a fundamental pillar of any relationship. If you trust your fiancé and feel confident in your relationship, then hanging out with a guy friend alone should not inherently be a problem. It’s essential to communicate openly about your friendships. If you feel that discussing this with your fiancé might lead to insecurity, consider framing the conversation in a way that emphasizes your trust in each other and your commitment to transparency.

2. Different Contexts

Your situation is unique due to moving abroad and needing to establish a new social circle. Unlike your fiancé, who has established friendships in his work environment, you are in the process of building new connections. This context can make your friendships with guys more natural and less about potential romantic interest.

3. The Nature of the Friendship

Consider the nature of your friendship with the guy friend in question. If your interactions are platonic and centered around shared interests, such as politics or spirituality, then it’s likely that your friendship is based on mutual respect rather than romantic attraction. For instance, many people have friends of the opposite gender who they can engage with on intellectual topics without any romantic implications.

4. Societal Norms and Expectations

Societal norms often dictate how friendships between different genders are perceived. In many cultures, it’s common for people to be skeptical about one-on-one interactions between friends of the opposite gender, especially in relationships. However, these norms are changing, and many people now view such friendships as healthy and normal.

5. Setting Boundaries

It’s crucial to establish boundaries that make both you and your fiancé comfortable. If hanging out alone with your guy friend feels appropriate to you, consider discussing it with your fiancé to gauge his perspective. You might suggest group hangouts initially to help him feel more at ease before transitioning to solo outings.

6. Addressing Insecurities

Insecurities can arise in any relationship, and it’s important to address them constructively. If your fiancé expresses discomfort with the idea of you hanging out with your guy friend alone, try to understand his feelings and reassure him of your commitment. You could say something like, “I value our relationship and want to be open about my friendships. I hope you can trust me the same way I trust you.”

Conclusion

Ultimately, whether it’s “weird” to hang out solo with friends of the opposite gender depends on the dynamics of your relationship, the nature of your friendships, and the level of trust and communication you share with your fiancé. It’s perfectly healthy to have friends outside of your romantic relationship, as long as both partners feel secure and respected.

Consider these points carefully, and remember that every relationship is unique. Open communication with your fiancé can help navigate any feelings of insecurity and strengthen your bond.

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